Thursday, September 11, 2008

Remembering

I am sure Blogland is lit up with everyone's story of that day, 7 years ago. Some will be first hand experiences - right there in the eye of the storm. In a front row seat to one of the most devastating historical events of our existence here on this land we call the US. Some will be reminded of the circumstances for which they heard the news.


But we all share one thing in common. We all survived the events, and have all lived with the ramifications. Heightened security everywhere we travel. Passport laws preventing us from visiting our neighbors without proper documentation. Paranoia over skin color, religion and attire. Prejudice and damnation without justification. A war that seems to never end. Oil prices that climb, and the need to become more fuel independent (this I think would have happened even if 9/11 hadn't).


Nothing will ever be the same.


I have three very distinct memories of that day.


I remember driving into the parking lot at work and hearing about the "accident" of the first plane. No one in the office had yet heard. Within a few moments of starting the conversation someone shouted "another plane hit the other tower". The rest of the day was spent in front of a television.


My best friends family was on a plane from MPLS to Pennsylvania that morning to attend a funeral. When we heard a plane crashed there too I was beyong consolable. Their plane had been delayed leaving the airport here for mechanical reasons, and once finally in the air, was one of the many planes that was forced to ground early. They spent 3 days in Ohio too afraid to go any closer to NY.


My mother by this time was near the end of her time on earth. Most days she was comatose, non respondent any more than a watchful eyes, wimpers and throat clearing. No voice from which to speak. But on this morning, the news that was in front of her brought something back - if only for a few moments. It would be one of only two times in the next three weeks that I would hear her voice (the last time was the night she died).


My grandmother sat watchful by my mothers side from nearly the moment we found out she would not survive this time. I think it gave them both some peace. It healed some wounds. It provided a mother time to grieve for her daughter, and a daughter to accept love that she had long thought had faded. It also gave my mother a voice that day.


As I was in the middle of making panicked phone calls looking for my best friends whereabouts I was interrupted by my assistant telling me that my grandmother was on the phone, and she sounded upset. I remember thinking to myself, oh God, please not now. I am not ready and I am already emotionally worn. Don't let today be the day I remember for the rest of my life as her last day on earth.


My grandmother was distraught, but not because my mother was worse, more because my mother was speaking. And she was unconsolable. She was worried about Bruce. Bruce was in the Army - working at Holman Field in St. Paul - with Blackhawk helicopters. First responders to anything local that needed military aide. She was afraid he was going to war and she would never see him again. She was the first person I heard that day mutter that word.... "War". The one person I thought I would never hear speak was the one that first put that notion into my mind. I tried for quite some time to make her understand he would not leave her. Not now. But she needed to see it, feel it, know it.


Bruce was unreachable that day - for obvious reasons - so I left work and sat by her side waiting for his call. He showed up late that night. You could see the worry on his face. I knew it wasnt for himself, but rather for his fellow soldiers. He reassured her he was ok, and he wasn't leaving her. At peace with it, she settled back into her silence.


Eventually his men left. He retired right before they did.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Where did that smile go

You ask? Its on vacation! The grumps have moved in for a short time, but I promise they will be gone soon! Even perpetually happy people must have their bad days!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

You had a bad day...

Ok, maybe not you. But I did.

I have been having a bad week.

Things that are hard to look past.

Conversations that needed to be had.

Issues that still aren't resolved.

And the other party is pretending there is nothing wrong.

Am I wrong to not want to let this sleeping dog lie? Or shall I leave it for now and hope for the best?

A question I will have to sleep on.

Thanks for listening (nay, reading)!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Two awards from my pal Heidi (blushing)

Heidi over at Minnesota Mom is giving me all sorts of love today! She has given me to awards that I hope I can live up to... Some days my cynicism gets the best of me, but luckily she sees through my naughtiness and sees mostly the nice! Thanks Heidi!

The Awards

These awards were passed on to her by Esther:


Thank you Heidi! And ditto!!

And Johanna & Joanna:


Thank you Heidi! I have a motto - if you smile, no one will know you are really: mad, sad, crabby - whatever. So smile - they uses less muscles than a frown and don't cause wrinkles in bad places!


The "Smile Award" has some rules - but they are easy - if you are already smiling, you have already passed the test! Heidi asked that the people who receive these awards visit the awarders (not a real word? I don't care, I'm smilin' so I can make a few mistakes!).

Now, the characteristics for the Smile Award are:
1. Must display a cheerful attitude. (not necessarily at all times–we are all human).
2. Must love one another.
3. Must make mistakes. (hey I just met that characteristic! Whew!)
4. Must learn from others.
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world. (I don't know if I met this one...)
6. Must love life.
7. Must love kids.

There are rules attached... Here are they are:
1. The recipient must link back to the awards creator (
The Babblings of Mere).
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must choose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself.
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award (see above). (not sure if I met this one...)
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.

I am choosing to pass these awards on to 5 very special bloggers (you will find they are five of my favorite haunts). As to not pick favorites among them, I am going to list them in the order they appear on my RSS Feeds this morning:

1. A woman after my own heart. She has been through more in the past few months, yet still held strong to her faith. She has brought thousands - and yes, I mean thousands - together to not only rally for her and her baby, but also to rally for a greater cause - MckMama at My Charming Kids is very worthy of both of these awards!

2. I just met Katie at Overflowing Brain this week. But she is addicting and inspiring. At 25 she has been through so much more than anyone that age should have to. She is cynical like me - which makes me adore her even more - and she is very open about it. That makes me smile! She already has me on the edge of my seat as I watch hurricanes come marching in like ants in a storm (I'm sorry, but I now have the song in my head).

... clearing mind of "the ants go marching one by one..." ...

Ok, back...

3. This next blogger is new to my bloggy haunts, but I cannot get enough of her! Her humor, and her love of her boys makes me smile, and makes me giggle uncontrollably! She also lives in a really rockin' area of this country - Serena at Zip & Tizzy will make your day - and the pictures of her boys (usually hidden by something adorned on their heads) will warm your heart.

4. Jessica at Thoughtful Reflections makes me think. Sometimes harder than I want to. Sometimes in such a humorous way that I nearly pee my pants -what is it with White Vans anyway? She can get really deep, or she can be a wealth of knowledge. Sometimes she is just really funny.

5. Fadkog over at For A Different Kind of Girl - well I stalk her. And I adore her. She is naughty, and biting, and naughty, but oh so nice. And she says it like it is. And the love for her boys and tool man - unmeasurable (double e intended). Her writing style blows my mind. She makes me smile, and that is what is all about.

So there you have it. I have quite a few others that I would like to give these to, but since it said 5, I will follow the rules laid before me.

And if I could "backs" these awards, I would give them back to Heidi - but since someone beat me to the punch, instead I will leave her with this:


Friday, September 5, 2008

30 Seconds

30 seconds is all it took.

All it took to bring tears to my eyes.

And a wave of memories rush over me at once.

Maybe because it has touched my life so closely.

My mother.

Myself.

My aunts - two of them.

My friends - countless.

People whose names I know well.

People whose names I may have never heard.

I stood up to Cancer.

Did you?

Will you?

It took only 30 seconds for the tears to flow. It took only 30 seconds for the memories to flood.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Name that body part


Name that body part...
(I will hook my scanner up later, but for now you will have to revel in the beauty of this art work via my phone)
ADDED FOR CLARIFICATION:
This was created on the first day of kindergarten in art class. And yes, when asked what that extra line was, well, Jadon's response was as you could imagine.
The best/worst part... his favorite girl is also the daughter of his new art teacher - and a class mate.
My troubles have already begun!


First day!

Today is the first day of school! WAHOOO!


Today was also the first time I have not taken a picture of Mantha with her new teacher. She is starting 5th grade and was all worried that the class bully (who seems to always end up in her class...) would see us and make fun of her. So instead I settled for an outdoor shot as we bolted out of the house on time for once!
The poser and the kindergartner!


I did get one of Jadon with his new teacher though... He won't be let off the hook until he is at least in middle school (which here is 4th grade).

Check out the Thomas lunch bag - he was so excited to bring "cold lunch" to school today. He didn't speak one word to Mrs. R. when we went for conference on Tuesday. The ice breaker today? His Thomas lunch bag.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

1 Month



In one month it will be 7 years.

It feels like yesterday.

It hurts like today.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Ooops!

For two weeks now I have been working on a blog for a club that some other yo'cals and I started almost a year ago. We have had a website, but since I am the webmaster, and don't like to update it, I decided I would do a blog instead. The blog can list upcoming musical and theatrical acts just as easily as a website - but at a bazillion times faster updating, and easier access.

So I worked on it. And I launched it. And I built some "search engine optimizations" on Google, and I published and emailed everyone and their 3rd cousin all about the club's new blog.

...and then...

Two weeks later I discovered it was listed under my personal profile for this blog...

... d'oh ...

The other blog has alot of my personal information on it, including phone numbers, addresses, and nearly my name-rank-serial number.

Attached to a blog where I talk about my kids by name.

Talk about throwing ANY sense of anonymity out the proverbial door.

Needless to say, I have removed "that blog" from my profile. I do not want to have to rebuild it from scratch, so until I figure out how to transfer it from my existing email/user information to something else (does anyone know - can I just add myself as a new manager with new log in information, and then remove my old self?) its only going to be public to those who know about it.

Bummer.

Friday, August 29, 2008

The return part 2...


Rolled in like a storm with attitude.


Welcome home young lady, now go to your room!


Seriously though, we are glad to have you home, but drop the new fashion statement you adorn on your shoulder - you know that little bling that resembles a might large chip? I am the only one allowed in this house with one of those dandy little numbers!
And you wonder why you hear mutterings of "reprogramming after daddy visits"?


Love you baby!

A good pick?

Or stacking the deck?

I am not sure how I feel about John McCain choosing a dark horse female for his VP running mate.

It has nothing to do with the fact that my Governor wasn't chosen. I don't think he was the right choice anyway. The first few months he was in office he closed State Parks, Rest Area's and other public services to reduce the budget. Mind you most were re-opened within the first few years because it was met with such a horrible backlash.

Naming someone that hasn't been much on the radar makes me wonder. Was it done to even the proverbial playing field?

I have been so torn this election. I have always touted myself a Repub, but I have waivered most recently (ok, in the last 7 years) and no longer know where I stand.

But I am not seeing a lot of promise on either side...

Two nominee's who are limited in experience - whether themselves or their running mates.

I have said it before and will say it again... this election is looking more like a popularity contest than a Presidential race.

I add my name to the list of perplexed and undecided.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Another little bit of wonder

from a 5 year olds mouth:


J: Sounds like God is up there bowl'n...

Me: Who do you think is winning?

J: Well God of course!

Me: Really? Why of course?

J: Because this isn't no ordinary game of bowl'n mom...

Me: I did not know that!

J: If it were an ordinary game of bowl'n maybe someone else would win.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The return, part 1




Jadon comes home today and I cannot wait to get these mama arms around that little bugger and love on him for all I am worth! I have a Board Meeting this evening, so I made Jim promise to bring him to my office when they get back to town so I can lay a big ol'mommy smootch on him.




YAY my house is about to get chaotic again (and note, we did not clean at.all.while they were gone - I think the mess reminded us while they were not home they were still with us).




Mantha will be home on Friday, but immediately goes to a slumber party until Saturday morning. Then we will all pack it in, load up the hotel on wheels and go to our favorite vacation location!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The days I wish for the world to end

So I can be with you once again...

I just spent the afternoon with a friend, and we got to talking about you. About how most times friends dont get to know each others extended families - maybe their parents and siblings, but rarely their entire family. But because of you, many of my friends were blessed by your sweet memories, and by the knowledge of those you left behind. And they feel honored to have known you.

As do I.

I remember as a child I didn't respect your purpose. I didn't respect the person you were. It took us nearly 21 years to find out who each other was. We had good times before then, but the respect and friendship didn't come until much later. I thank God everyday that I had those last 10 years to make up for the first 20.

When we were talking about you today, something she said to me struck me. It will be 7 years since I said good bye to you that night. Its been nearly 7 years since you followed me with your eyes, trying to tell me you were tired and ready to go to Him. Its been nearly 7 years since I got the call only 2 hours after I left your side telling me that you woke up, took one last breath, and left us... for now.

And it was up to me to make those first phone calls. First to your loving husband Bruce, and to gram, who was having difficulty sleeping that night. She knew. As only a mother could know. When I called my brother I could hear in his voice the sadness of not spending your last night with you; how could he have known. And then I called my father. The man who loved you for more than 30 years, but didn't recognize it until it was too late.

Telling your "Tinkerbell" was the hardest thing for me to do. She had just turned 4 4 days earlier. We had birthday cake in your room, but you were out cold so we don't know if you knew we were there. If you knew that we met one of your "goals" on your list. She had no idea what it meant for someone to die. So we told her that we put your bed in a box for your body, but that your soul was in Heaven with Jesus. I don't think she really understood until several years later. But she will never forget you.

This week Lainie stayed at our house overnight. Mantha got down your "dog" Lucky and told Lainie Lucky's story. How when we found out the Cancer was back, you were in a room with a lady who had this stuffed dog that looked so real, that everyone had to look twice. The lady heard the doctors talking to us about your fate; as she left the hospital, she laid Lucky at the foot of your bed with a big pink feather boa around its neck and told you that Lucky would take care of you. And for the next two months, Lucky never left your sight.

And now she resides in Tinkerbell's room.

In six weeks it will be 7 years. I know I will never forget you. I know that many days I still cry for you. I know that each year that passes brings me one year closer to you. But it doesn't make the pain easier.

These are the days I wish for the world to end. So I can be with you once again.

Shooting and explosions

And a ton of yelling and screaming.


I am not talking war. I am talking the noise coming out of my television at 1:30 this morning.


What is it with men and movies with shooting, and explosions and a ton of yelling and screaming? I like me some good sci fi movies, but I don't get the Rambo, Terminator, and this morning Die Hard movies.


What is it with men that if there isn't Homeland Security level red violence, the movie is considered a chick flick and not worthy of their 2 hours? And why is it when you relinquish the remote you go from watching something you both could enjoy, to something only he will enjoy?

Friday, August 22, 2008

And they're off...

And we are childless for 5 days. The first time in almost 6 years that we have had the house absent of children while we were in it. Of course there have been occasions when one or both of us were away for a few days sans kids, but never HOME without kids.


And its oddly lonely.


When my dad asked this morning before the funeral we were all attending, Jim and I both thought "wow, a few days alone, what will we do?". And we agreed that our kids and my niece would love to spend the time together with grandma and grandpa. They only see Lainie once or twice a year, usually for only a few hours at a time, yet they are all great companions whenever together.


So after the funeral we came back home, packed up our two, and sent all three kids (my brother and sister in law sent my niece with gma & gpa to our house) off to the great up north - a short (NOT) 5 hour drive away.


And I cried as I spied my baby waving good bye to me for the first time ever - leaving me alone for 5 days.


I am used to Mantha's departures. She makes them every other weekend. And in the summer she is gone the month of August. But other than hospital stays, conferences for work or Relay, and a few short vacations to Dayna's house, I haven't ever really left Jadon.


And then the rush of worries hit.


I was no longer in control of their safety. It was all in the hands of my dad and step mom. And I trust them absolutely whole heartedly. But to be that far away on that long of a drive, I don't trust the other people on the roadways.


I am trying to be the good mom and not be smothering, and waiting for their call that they arrived safely, but it doesn't change the fact that until I hear from them I will worry.


And that leaves Jim and I with the idea: what do we do now? We just decided that we will trek 20 miles further into the country then we already dwell for dinner tonite (one of those way off the beaten path, smaller than a shoe box, but people pack in like hogs to slaughter from all over Southern MN because the food is so good places). We have a neighborhood party tomorrow night, but all the time hither and yon is ours to do as we wish.


All this time and no idea what to do with ourselves.


Yikes.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I get my baby back, baby back, baby back...

I get my baby back, baby back, baby back!


So what if its a corny jingle... I can do what I want on my blog! And I only get her back for two days before she heads back to her dads. Of course she is coming home because we have a funeral to go to. But at least its something right?



I cannot believe that there is only one more week of summer vacation and then school starts!


I still have to get Jadon in for his prep appointment, and I have been stalling because he knows he is a getting pokes, and he of course remembers my promise last winter that he was done getting pokes.


I am the bigger child, I know it!


Jadon drew me a picture this weekend. Its a tall hotel.


"And it has a slide to get in and out of the hotel so when you are hungry you can slide out of the hotel into your car and drive to a restaurant to eat dinner and then you have to climb back up the slide to get back into the hotel so you can go to your hotel room and get on your swimming suit and go to the pool before it closes but you have to be careful if you ate too much at the restaurant so you dont get a stomach ache."


He said it just like that, no breaths, no punctuation, no second thoughts. I love when kids tell stories. It makes my heart all warm inside!

Friday, August 15, 2008

To book club or not to book club

I love reading. I will stay up all hours, miss meals and devote days on end to a good book (in between momming and wifing of course). For instance, right now I am reading:


Only after I got more than half way through Judas did I discover it was #4 in the SIGMA Force series, so I am very excited to read:


I am a series reader and lover. Much like movies, or great running t.v. shows, I don't like a good thing to end. I have been hooked on the Iris Johnanson detective series with Eve Duncan as the main character since 2001:


Hands down the best series I have ever read is the Left Behind Series - the first 12 books:

Just recently LaHaye and Jenkins released the prequels as well as the supposed final book, Kingdom Come:


If you have not read this series, let me tell you, while they are about the Tribulations and God's battle with Satan, they are not so heavily weighted with religion that you feel you are reading Bible verse, but rather they are suspenseful - edge of your seat can't put them down, read most of them in less than a weekend kind of books.

So back to the point of this post. I have been invited to join two different book clubs here in my "little" town (I say little because many of you say you live in "small" towns, but your towns are 15,000 populations plus, and mine isn't even 5,000!) but I haven't committed to either.

My fear of commitment relates to how picky I am about my books. I don't like smut and love stories or self help books. I like technically challenging, thought provoking, action, drama, mysterious, read this clue to solve the puzzle who did it books. I like intrigue. I like historical reference (like Judas Strain is based on Marco Polo's adventures for Kublai Kahn - real or not, it sure is interesting).

But I also like to research whether or not I will like the book - because I don't rent books from the library, I don't buy them used, I pay full price and own all of the books that I read, and owning something I don't like is just not something I want to do (and trust me, I have purchased some real dogs!). Part of why I buy is so I can share my books with fellow readers.

So if I join one of these book clubs, I will be forced to read several books that I may or may not like - most likely books I wouldn't choose on my own.

But is that necessarily bad? Maybe it would give me the opportunity to read something I would really like that I would miss out on otherwise. But because my book list is at least a dozen long already, do I want to give them up for now? I cannot bring myself to read two books at once.

So again I beg the question... Do I jump in, or do I decline and continue to read what I like?

And what do you enjoy reading?




Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wouldn't it be nice if we all smiled at once?

If all the world put down their guns and their hard feelings, put away their anger and self loathing and smiled - just for one moment - all at the same time...

Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if just once when my husband was asked to do something he didn't want to do he would consider the person asking. Maybe they didn't want to ask. Maybe they knew he would get mad. Maybe they actually hated asking because they knew it wasn't fair. But still they had to because it was their job, and well, it was his too. So wouldn't it be nice if just once I didn't receive a phone call telling me how he "can't sit" because they "got him up his wazoo" again (insert your form of foul thoughts and language - I have to play it safe - my 10 year old might read my blog!).

In my nature of *trying* to find the positive in most things, I asked him if the next time they asked him to "go off the clock and onto percentage" (which means a huge cut in the pay for those days) for one run, that he do it without complaint. That he remember the motto I try to live by:

"One negative comment will last longer and spread faster than one positive comment"

Because this winter when justifiably he will have reason to complain for the lack of work, I will remind him that his negative attitude this summer is the reason for the theirs this winter.

And he still won't understand. Because he thinks I am wrong and that they have it out for him. And I "just don't understand how it is".

Oh but honey I do. Remember what I do for a living?

And you have the benny's, so please, don't lose the job!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

19 days, and Food and Emergency's

In 19 days Mantha will be coming home. We haven't talked to her this week at all. Jim, Jadon and I spent the weekend at a cabin with Jim's family, and Mantha is currently in Wisconsin Dels.


Next week she will be back in MN, and hopefully we will be able to catch up like crazy.


In 19 days she will be back here where she belongs.


And then starts a new era in our lives: Two kids in school. Jadon went to pre-school last year, but this year starts full day Kindergarten. Mantha will start 5th grade.


Its all so surreal.






"Food and Emergencies"


Jadon just walked down the stairs with two $2 bills and said the following:


"Mom, if you and dad lose your wallets, or run out of checks, you can use this money for 'food and emergencies'". "This one is for food (holding up a $2 in one hand) and this one is for emergencies (holding the other $2 in the other hand)".


Truth be told, Jim and I have not discussed any of the medical bills in front of him - in fact he wasnt even here when we opened them.


I had to giggle, and hug on him before thanking him, and telling him he had nothing to worry about and should put his money back in his room. But it sure is nice to know he has our backs!

Pile it on...

Today I opened medical bills from the last 4 weeks of hospital stays, surgeries, an ambulance ride, 3 visits to the emergency room, and countless other appointments.


It appears that once again I have max'd out my co-pay for this year. To the tune of $5,000.


This wouldn't bother me so much, but last year between my physical therapy, trip to Mayo for my Fibro, and kidney stones in November I max'd that co-pay out too. Add to that Jadon's 9 day stint at Children's in Minneapolis - now max'ing out the family co-pay to the jig of $10,000.


All of last years medical expenses were payable this year.


Because my most recent kidney stuff happened just now, we are too far away to carry it over to next year, so in the 2008 calendar year, out of pocket, we will have paid $15,000 in medical bills.


The good news is, if the stone that I still have in my left kidney needs assistance coming out, I won't have to pay any more out of pocket. The bad news is, we were just starting to to see the light at the end of the tunnel called our finances, and now we are back behind the proverbial "8 ball".


We just can't seem to get caught up, let alone ahead.


But we are healthy. Well, we are getting there...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Art gallery for MckMama

Stellan, MckMama's unborn baby boy has been touching lives all over the world. There are literally hundreds of Stellan followers - praying for his heart to convert, and supporting MckMama while she is forced to spend weeks away from her three other little peanuts - who are all under 4!


Over the past week, people have been writing his name in the sand all over the world. Now we are all writing it in whatever we can, in support of Stellan, and in prayer and reflection for his healing.


Jadon saw this when I was reading and decided that we needed to make one too. So this is what he and I did this afternoon, "Stellan 'Ala Thomas the Tank Engine'":



MckMama is posting the art work on her webpage, and will eventually create a larger piece of art from all of the submissions. So if you want to show your support, have a little fun doing it, and add your name to the list of ever growing people praying for Stellan, go to her site and email her! She will love it!!!!!!



ADDED 8/12


My daycare with the help of her own kids, put together this wonderful Rescue Hero's "Stellan" for MckMama. I absolutely love it!


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Confessions of a TV junky

I like tv. I like it. I like it a'lot.


Gimme reality. Gimme crime drama. Gimme a little Flippin Out, a lot of Big Brother, and Survivor and I am happy. Throw in Lost and 24 and you have me forever.


There are a lot of other "fill in's" that don't demand my full attention, but are on for the "noise".


Today as I was sitting here making a piece of jewelry while "listening" to the TV I wondered "why is it that the TV has to be on for me to chat on my laptop, or work on a project?". I mean, its not like I have to have the TV on to work at work... So why does it have to be on when I work at home? I would sit in the same seat, and do the same stuff, but why not listen to music instead?


It boils down to this... while I would love to be able to live TV free... toss them all out like my bloggy friend MckMama did - and I mean really, I wish I could seriously cut the cord, toss 'em out, call it quits, divorce myself from my addiction...

But.I just.cant.do.it.


I am a junky!


How about you?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Rewarding or spirit breaking?

That is the question I ask myself today as I sit behind the desk of my thankless NFP job (I have two other NFP jobs that are done behind this desk, but the one that pays me is the one I am ready to run away from).

I love(d) my job with passion and feverence. Until probably last month. Now it is a thorn in my already painful side. It has become a battle ground of sorts.

  • There is the ever so recently frequent jabs from the Board Member who doesn't realize that while I do not get paid for a large portion of the hours I work because they insist that I keep something unncessary in my budget (something that most of my members don't want in my budget - but you know, they are just the people that matter!) that prevents this wonderous thing called a full time salary from happening - even though you expect me to put in full time hours.

  • There is the grant I wrote that used up about 3,754 hours of unpaid time away from my family that consequentially WON AN AWARD for my community (thank you very much - now back off!) that carries a small cash bonus for which there is 1 group out of the 20 organizations I talked about that is insisting that they should get the money because they are the reason we won the award... Um, ok. I don't think that you single handedly made this community a wonderful place to live and breathe - what about the other 4,795 people who live here, and what about those other 19 organizations. Besides, your group just started, so tell me how you got us to where we are today? Just sayin.


  • There is the lack of benny's which is eating away at me because of my recent health issues, and because my husbands line of work rely's on the oil market - for which he was most recently about $ .25 (diesel prices) away from not having a job - hence no insurance.


There are so many things about all three jobs that I love, that reward me tenfold, and make me extremely proud of my accomplishments. But the one that pays me is wearing me down. And in the economy we are living in, I don't see a lot of stability in it any longer. I already have members saying they may have to drop out next year because of cost cutting.

So it is rewarding enough to stay? Or is it breaking my spirit and giving me reasons to finally say "uncle"? That is the question I ask myself today as I sit behind the desk of one of my thankless NFP jobs...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Was that the left you said?

Because I am almost certain that it is the right that is causing the problem right now.

RRRRRrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttt. Stop the bus baby because I am really about to lose it.

I am hoping that I am wrong, but in the case I am not, I have placed a call to my Urologist's service to ask him to look again at the KUB he took last week and have him quadruple check.

I know the left kidney still hurts, I mean DUH, there is still a 8mm x 3mm stone. But I would nearly swear that what I am feeling on the right side is not Fibro pain. Its just too plain ol' deep to be fibro.

Lets face it, the damage has been done, and the fact that he keeps bringing up "if we keep messing with it, we could lose the kidney" when discussing the current status of lefty, makes me become an over protective mama to righty.

Another day in the life of chronic pain. You just never know if it is "normal" or not.

Monday, August 4, 2008

A new drug calls for new prayers

My pal J from over at My Charming Kids, is getting ready to embark on a new drug that will hopefully save her unborn baby's heart, but carries great risk for hers. Many of us have prayed hard for her, but in a time when they are entering yet another great unknown, I ask once again to think of them today and maybe say a prayer or two for this amazing mom and her baby boy Stellan!

Thank you!

PS: if you want to add her prayer button to your side bar, please visit here to get the code.


A fragment of my imagination

Its driving me crazy. I go from thinking maybe it will pass and I will be ok, to nearly biting through my lip as the pain intensifies. And yet I hold out because I dont want to start this circus act all over again. I mean really - who wants to subject themselves to the things I have subjected myself to the past 3 weeks.

On a lighter note, peanut butter toast for nearly two weeks made all of my work pants a little more comfortable as I strapped them on to rejoin the land of the working hard for their money.

And if the vegan diet goes as my doctors plans, soon enough I will trade this tent for something a little bit smaller.

Friday, August 1, 2008

I like pink

But this may taking it to the extreme.


I have to give props to the lady who drives this (of course when in the sun my camera will not capture the true color - we tried 4 or 5 times).

We looked up her business when we got back to the hotel. We are 99% sure this is who we saw get out of said spectical. I have decided that were we to move back to the Cities, she may just get our business, you know, because she is brave enough to drive a hot pink car! :)

On a sad note...

Today is the one year anniversary of the 35W bridge collapse. We don't live up here any longer, but I grew up in the cities, and travelled that section frequently throughout my life.

I was remembering that day as we arrived, and remembered the panic I felt when my friend Dayna called me from CA to ask if we were watching the news (which we were not). I called everyone I could think of, especially those who worked downtown to be sure they arrived home safely.

That same day, my step father Bruce had heart surgery at the hospital that most of the victims were being rushed to. We lost him a few months later.

We wish peace for those who fell victim, and for their families.



Thursday, July 31, 2008

And so the story goes...


Its that time of year again when I become the parent to one child for a month. My oldest, Mantha, is packing her bags and is ready to climb aboard the magical mystery tour that takes her to her dad for a whole month. She is excited, so I try not to bring her down with my sadness, but its not fun to say good bye to your child for a month.


Not even when you think you are the worst person in the world to have been chosen as the mother of an almost tween.

I dont say that because I dont enjoy the parenting, I say it because I think I suck at being a mom to a daughter. I am a girly girl, and a perfectionist, and sometimes those extremes cause me to place too high expectations on her. Its the way I grew up. My mom and I were always in competition. I vowed I would never allow the same relationship to form with my daughter, but I fear it has already started to. I will continue to work on it.


This month she will have some freedoms that she may not have here at home, but she will also have some tighter reins. I try to not call her while she is on this adventure out of respect for their time. She calls me when she wants to talk and those times are coveted because everyone gets so excited to talk to her that Jim, Jadon and I fight over who is first this time!


So tomorrow we will make the drive to the meeting place that we visit every other weekend - the "drop off place". But this time the farewell will be a little sadder. A little longer. A lot harder to drive home from.


But she will have fun, and in our own right we will too.


Monday, July 28, 2008

If you pray - please add my friend to your prayers!

I am updating this post again today and changing the title, even if you are a lurker, or a quick passer byer (I know you are out there - I get more than 20 visits a day), please consider the life of this unborn baby!

From MckMama:
"What I am about to give is not some blithe request or statement to pass time....really, from the bottom of my heart, I beseech you to pray for Stellan!!!"

Please visit: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Thank you!

I really appreciate it!

I love this website

But it doesn't mean I will blog the right way!

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/
I am a fiend about spelling and grammar - in print. But when it comes to emails and blogs, I am not very good at following the correct format. I try. Sometimes I even click on spell check or google the spelling of things I don't spell frequently, but I cannot stand to use punctuation when I am typing notes, or journalling, or comments.

So even though I will covet Mignon and her desire to correct us all, and even though I use her for my professional career, I will not practice perfectly here.

Its just not what I aspire to do.

(see all the errors?)

The things people will do for money...

I don't know if it is for greed, to sell at a higher price, or if it is for self benefit, but in reading the ad in my local shopper I am wondering to myself what the motivation was:


"If any of the people that got free yellow lab puppies at the Fair no longer want them, the Humane Society will pay $100 for each puppy".


What?


Isn't the Humane Society there to help find homes for animals who have been abandoned? When did they start purchasing animals so they can in turn sell them for profit? I know the Director of our local HS and I know this is her mind set. She probably found out they were pure bred and wants to sell them at an upcoming pet expo in the large town close by. I know this is her modus operandi because she once tried to deny our adoption of an abandoned abused Siamese kitten because and I quote "I can get more for him if I wait until the pet expo".


This just pains me.


Am I wrong to think this does not make sense???

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The fine print

Its there for a reason. Those thousand plus words on those prescription information sheets are not their for the sport of it. They are there for good reason. If you think you know it all because your doctor told you the side effects, you are wrong. There is more. And sometimes you need to advocate for yourself a little to err on the safe side.


I, my friends did not do this. I never do. I figure if its bad they will tell me right?


After a week of having the following either injected or swallowed:


As well as two surgeries under General Anesthesia


You would think that someone, one of the many doctors, nurses, medics, or pharmacists would have reminded me, or someone who was less doped up, that all of these medications cause a system back up, nay, shut down, if not properly "taken care of".


Well, no one did. Until Friday. One and a half weeks after this all started. And it was too late.


I was very cautiously ambulating myself around the area of which I needed to focus my attentions for the set up of Relay For Life. I was doing really well, and was very proud of myself. I mean really, I just had surgery a day and a half before, and here I was sticking to my word, keeping up my commitment as Chair, and showing nothing was going to stop me.


Boy was I wrong.
I went into the camper to do the things that you do when you are blessed with a kidney stent when all hell broke loose, or better stated, stopped cold and hard. As I was walking back to where I was working, all of the sudden I had a very sharp pain that made stop dead in my tracks. Not because the pain hit so hard necessarily, but because literally I could no longer move on my own. Luckily my mother in law was there, and I was able to call out to her. She came in and helped me get to the bed, and then to a horizontal position for which later I discovered made the next hours worth of events more traumatizing.


She immediately called Jim who was out getting potted flowers from a friend to place in the Survivor Hope Garden. He was there almost instantly. Having many friends in the medical field, and several who work on the local ambulance company, he called one of our friends and told him what happened. And the next thing I knew I had 4 fella's and a lovely lady (most of which I knew very well - so this was really embarrassing) in bed with me trying to get me on a back board. Now remember, I have been living with a very very large kidney stone in an already damaged kidney for several weeks, as well as a stent which makes my life miserable at every move, but this pain was worse than all of that multiplied a thousand fold. I literally thought someone took a hatchet to my lower back and chopped me with it over and over.


Thats pain.
So in the ambulance I go. My fellow Relay'ers scampering to see what happened, as they all felt I should not have been there (really I felt good). I get to the hospital and my friend/doctor meets me with Morphine and Vistaril. Now Morphine does nasty things to my heart rate and bp, and my pulse/ox drops to very low levels, but Morphine is a fairly standard immediate relief medication.


I was numb, but the stabbing pain was still there when I moved. It was determined that I did not injure myself, so the next step was getting me out of bed and into X-Ray and CT. It took a lot of encouragement, plenty of screaming and a lot of patience on their part for me to get out of the bed. I asked to use a wheel chair not to sit in, but to hang on to so I could walk off some of the pain in order to get to X&CT.


And now is when the "read the fine print" became important to me. As the X was being taken, all I heard from the viewing room is "it looks like she is FOS". Jim walked over to what they were looking at (we live in a small town and knew most of the people in the room personally, so he was not shy, and they allowed him in the room), and asked what "FOS" stood for. I am guessing that by now you have figured it out.
My large colon had shut down. Completely. And it as well as my lower large intestine were resting right on a nerve in my lower spine.


After a nice "cleanse" I was still having a lot of pain but decided that there was no reason to hang out in this boring old room when I could be sitting outside my camper alongside the newly created path of luminaries and do one of my favorite past times, people watch, while I awaited the relief of pain.


So we returned to the place of my earlier horror, and watched the survivors (I missed out this year) lap, and the team lap, and got to answer a million and 3/4 questions about what happened, how I was feeling and why I was there. I then trodded inside, crawled into my bed, and proceeded to sleep through the rest of my favorite event of the year.


I am still in a considerable amount of lower back pain, my stent is causing me grief, and I am trying to stay hydrated. I am also staying away from my medicine cabinet, taking ibuprofen and trying to ambulate ever so often to relieve pain. I am hoping to go into work for a few hours tomorrow for a different view, and then very much hoping to get this stent out on Tuesday after another Xray and Cystoscopy.


And I am keeping the metamucil close by.


Friend to friend, if you find yourself in a position of needing alot of narcotic pain relief, please remember that not so sweet place in your lower regions that needs a little more TLC than you would think.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

They didn't say I couldn't

But I am sure I would have heard them say "Oh no you di-int"

But seriously, in my defense, they never said I couldn't scrub my toilet.


Whats that?


Common sense?


Didn't you know they removed that after the first surgery? The rest was an all brainer, and they took it all out yesterday when they blasted me.


And all I have left to say is:


Y'OUCH! That hurts!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A stones throw

Last November I had several very large stones in my left kidney. I had orthoscopic surgery to remove the largest, with Lithotripsy to blast the littler of the buggers. I then had a stent in for a week following to be sure that anything left behind could pass without interference (which by the way, if you have ever had any of this done, the stent is the worst part - talk about yanking your bladder out your woohoo everytime you consider peeing).


And all was well.


Until last week.


On Monday I woke up thinking the pain I was having was not Fibro pain, but I didn't want to admit that it could be what I was fearing. So I ignored it.


On Tuesday it was getting harder to deny, but still, I didn't want to give into the thought, and if I ignored it it would go away right?




Nope...


On Wednesday I was moving very slow. By noon I couldnt sit any longer, and by the time I made it to the doctor at 1:45 I was no longer walking.


Demoral and Visterol were administered so I could lay down to have a CT Scan that would reveal what I already knew.


And then I was rushed to Mankato to the hospital that actually has a Urologist.


Thursday I had a stent placed in my left kidney - under General Anesthesia which I never respond well to.


Friday I came home with Vicodin and a pharmacuetical chest of other fine meds.


Friday night I was back in the emergency room with pain so intolerable I thought I was giving birth to a 25 year old sumo wrestler.


Saturday - Today I have been on Percocet - a lovely little substitute for the Dilantin they gave me on Friday night.


And tomorrow I get to go back in for surgery at 8 am to get this stupid thing removed.


But the stupid stent will stay put for up to 2 more weeks.


And then the anti food diet will begin. If it has calcium I am almost guaranteed to be told never again to eat it.


I have the same Urologist as last year, and the first words out of his mouth on Thursday were "why didn't you follow up with me? I told you what you needed to do to prevent this again".


Um, well doc, there was this little thing called life. And life included my step fathers death and my sons near death, so I am sorry that I didn't follow up. But I am guessing the third time wont be very charming, so I had better listen this time.
UGH!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Vacation Pictures

A few days before we left for vacation "Great Grandpa" (Jims Grandpa) turned 93. He is in the nursing home, and it makes me sad because he spends a lot of time alone. Grandma Rose has been gone almost a year now.
So this was taken in June, but since I fell upon it while uploading vacation pictures I decided to share it with you (besides, the flowers are now brown and shrivelled up, so its nice to see them lush). Anyway, this baby bird was taking flying lessons and decided to perch in my flower pot. He watched us 1/2 the morning. This little guy also visited Jims mirror on his truck, the kids playset at the base of the slide, and the window sill in the family room. Like Flat Stanley or Wheres Waldo, only we never had the camera handy...

The Bucket List: For 7 summers we have vacationed at my aunt and uncles cabin. These two buckets have been used in a similar fashion first by Mantha, and then by both kids since the first visit. There is always at least one day's worth of play that includes little people sitting in them.



As you can see, Daschel was getting a little envious of said bucket play





So the kids generously donated a miniature version of the red bucket

and he played and played and played with it... all weekend long.

Im pretty sure that you dont water ski on your face (see the ski on the left side of the wake?). I give Mantha kudo's for trying, but she seriously doubled her weight in water and lost interest immediately. She was a trooper tho!

I know for sure that you cant swim in sand, but it was so cute to watch that I didnt have a heart to tell Jadon that he wasnt going to get anywhere that way.


Dash loved the water. The breed is not a water dog, but apparently no one told him. We are hoping that this will make baths easier!

Built like momma, and decadent desserts too!

So tonight my son, a boy, masculine, tough guy (ok not so much), walks up the stairs from the dungeon I mean playroom, and this is what I saw coming at me:
Shake it to the left, shake it to the right.... Thank God they were made of a football and a basket ball (mini in size, but still of masculine sorts)

oY....Oy.... oY!

On to my other favorite subject:

The Club, Flowers and Dessert!

The Club had a Back Yards and Blooms Garden Tour last week. Along with the tour, the Club hosted a Decadent Dessert party, where local ladies made and donated the desserts and the recipes for us to provide for the after party. Below you may drool over the spectical of decadence, but please, restrain yourselves because we ate them all gone! Sorry!

The one you will notice is only halved in the photo because well, it was so good that it started going before the picture was taken. And please, dont judge me for the day old day lillies. I wasnt thinking.... Again, I am sorry!

Enjoy!

Tres Leches with fruit. Fresh Grapefruit Cake (this was to die for amazing, and I will share the recipe if you beg me).

Tres Leches, Fresh Grapefruit Cake, Tirimisu Torte (some idiot [me] cut it before the photo) and Chocolate Praline (this was the only dessert I didnt get to sample as I am allergic to most nuts).

There were at least a dozen other desserts that were equally as stunning to look at, but they were not in photographical states at the time that these pictures were taken.

If you are planning on visiting my neck of the woods next summer about this time, let me know, I will be sure to get you tickets and will reserve you something decadently tasty, yet amazingly calorie free!

It could be worse!

I received an email on the heels of several sparring matches with Board Members today, and although the whole jist of the email is not appropriate for blogging, one line was:


Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!


That will be my motto and my armor today, because as long as I remember I could be one of them I will stay grounded and avoid their level.


Although the one comment keeps replaying over and over in my head: "We would help but we all have full time jobs". Ok, well little missy (aka Vice President of both of my Boards of Directors), if it weren't for your ignorance, I would have a full time job too, but you don't seem to think that my working 50 hours+ for 32 hours of pay is enough so you pile more on and then remind me that YOUR employer pays you for the hours you work! At least pay me some respect - it will balance out some of those unpaid work hours!


I hope that didn't put me on her level... Oy... pennance time.
I guess I had to let that out. Sorry!

Monday, July 14, 2008

My baby is starting school in less than two months...

Happy. Amazed. Sad.

He is so happy, he can't wait to start. Pre-school was what he lived for this past year, and every morning when we drive past the elementary, he comments on what is changing (its being remodelled) and wonders how his Kindergarten room will be affected.


It amazes me how much he is learning at his new daycare. Maybe it is because she is on the school board, loves kids, and believes in helping her little dumplings get ready for the new school year, or maybe he is finally thriving in a socially hyperactive environment.


My sadness is less about him going to school, but more about the preparation... Sad that I have to break the news to him that he needs to go to the doctor in the next few weeks. Sad because after last Novembers 9 day stint at Childrens Hospital, I have tried to protect him from more "pokes", and have done my best to avert his new found fear of doctors, clinics, and needles. I don't blame him, he had needles, tubes and "pokes" in all places at all times for more time than any young child should have to. Thank God it was temporary, but the effects were lasting. And in case we forget, he even has scars to show us as reminders (thank God, this did not leave a scar!).


Today we received reminders from our insurance company with the list of vaccinations he needs before school. As he was placing the reminder stickers on the chart they sent, he noticed that the vaccination ones had pictures of needles on them, and instantly inquired why we were using those stickers. When I told him he would need a few pokes to start school, he quickly stated that he could wait. He didnt need to go to school next month.


Please Lord, give me the strength to get through that appointment without tears, because I know it is not going to go smoothly.

Addiction to get your undies in a bunch

Or inside out in my case.


Ever stayed up so late that you didn't realize the next morning that you dressed yourself in a less than perfect manner? Well that was me this morning. And it took until noon for me to notice. Of course no one else could tell, but nonetheless I was self concious and worried that there was more - like mascara on my lips and lipstick on my lashes. Especially after my opinion post of last week!


Well such addiction is this utterly stupid show called Big Brother. I mean what moron schedules their life around such a sadistic muttering of idiocracy. Oh, me.


Not only do I watch the 3 evenings a week, but I even DVR and fast forward much of the late night stuff so I can have the "inside scoop" on all my peeps that secretly wish they had a DVR and the ability to be me.


Why oh why?


Needless to say, said garments remained status quo because well, I was too tired to care.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The beauty in natures fury


There have been storms all over Minnesota the past two days. Where we are, we have been on the fringe, either a few miles to the north or south - literally. So we have had the beauty of the fury without the beast.


The cabin I was at all last week was within very few miles of a tornado that destroyed a few turkey farms. If I have to guess where the farms were, I would say that as the crow flies, the tornado probably would have been visible if not for the tree's around the cabin.


My dad called to tell me that they had over 2" of rain fall in less than a 1/2 hour. He is up north where the storms were really riled up this early afternoon. There was a tornado in the county their cabin is in, but he wasnt sure where it struck and what damage was done.


Mantha is in the city with her dad, and they are on round like 4 of the wickedness - Heidi, I hope you are getting through it ok!


But like I said, we have just had the beauty. So here are a few shots taken out our front door looking over the neighbors house:



Of course a photo does not do justice to how contrasting this scene was. The lower layer of clouds - which looked to almost touch the roof tops they are that low - ranged from orange to red to silver. They were moving east. The white thunder clouds were pretty much standing still, but building to the west. Some converged right over our heads. We heard a little thunder, but like most of the storms that have hit our corner of the state this month, we are unscathed. As I say this the wind is picking up, but the radar shows nothing, so I will not fret, and rather look at the beauty a little longer before the sun goes down.

If you are in this, or any other storms path, may your family stay safe!

Im just sayin'

This is my opinion. It may not be yours, but it is mine. And since this is my blog and not yours, I get to say what I want to say. If you want to share your opinion and it is not the same as mine, that is fine, because you too are free to speak as you wish, and have opinions as you wish.


That being said...


I am not a make up artist, and I am not a fashionista. But there are a few things that I dont understand about make up and fashion:


1. White eye shadow: There are some people who wear it well (my little "sister" Cricket is one of them). Most young women (under 30-ish) seem to understand how to properly apply it. These same young women are usually not yet burdoned with crows feet and thining brows. Ladies, when you are drying up and getting wrinkled up there, please, move on to darker shades, and maybe not so high on the brow. I am from the school that eye shadow should "shadow" your eye. That doesnt mean the way I wear makeup is the right way by any means, but just like with clothes, white shows the flaws - darker colors mask or avert your eyes from them. Im just sayin...


2. Gloppy thick clumpy mascara: If you arent getting the desired effect from your mascara, dont add more. It wont fix the problem. Try a different kind. Find a formulation that provides the desired look for you. But dont keep glopping it on. Tammy Fae was not a trend setter people. She was not one to model your look after. Clean, natural, long/thick (whatever you are going for) lashes are what is in. Hell, even fakes are in. If you want outrageous go for the feathered or blinged up fakey's, but put down the old dried up clumpy flaky tube. Again, just sayin...


3. Skin tight jeans that show your crack: I know low ridin is the trend. It doesnt work for my fat ars, so I avoid the trend. There are many ladies and young girls out there that need some windex and some papertowels to clean their mirrors off with. Saddle bags, pouches and butts are not attractive when they are cliff hanging over a pair of high (or low) fashioned jeans. I will say it all day long...


Pa-lease... I have small kids, dont ruin their eyesight so early.

4. Flip flops and cracked heels: Need I say more? There is this modern miracle called lotion. Give it a shot. And if you are really trying to impress, try my personal favorite, the Ped Egg. Dont believe that it works? Ask my friend Fad, she knows. She loves its parmesan grating, smooth as silk making, sexy feet creating little self almost as much as I do.

I know, my opinion sucks, but its mine and I like it! :)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

What'ev

I dont have the time to play with my mouse.


I want to fast track past security and get to comment nervana so I can join in the fun, but nooooooo, I have to put my finger on that stupid squeaky malfunctioning thing that doesnt like being called blue tooth (I think there is a trailer trash connotation in "blue tooth", but mister squeaky doesnt take to me making up excuses for why its ok to be bt), because apparently my security doesnt believe that "y" stands for "yes", and that if I go there all the time I should get a frequent shopper pass.


In my haste I struggle to spell, and am half blind so "what the" anyway is up with those stupid wavy smooshed together letters for verification. Why oh why??? I know, I make you do them too, but I do it out of spite. I will succumb to peer pressure, if you jump I will too and we can go into non verification bliss together.

Come on, I dare you!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

And we're back!

And busier than all get out!


Relay is in 16 Days and we are c.r.a.z.y! I have Chaired Entertainment and Activities, Online Registration and have been the county webmaster, and Teams Co-Chair for Relay for 5 years now, but this year we added Event Chair to my repitoire. It may be the last! Its not much more work, because our core committee has been working together for 5+ years and we have our jobs down pat. But that being said, the added stress of knowing that if something is forgotten its on me is putting me over the edge. Especially since this is in no way my only job. I am trying to stay confident that we will raise enough funds this year - but we aren't seeing the numbers so far. We need good weather so our packed full night of entertainment can happen because the night of we have managed to squeak out over 30K. This is the most entertainment we have ever had (from 5pm - 4am) so we are hoping it will keep wallets open! It sounds greedy, but as a survivor who was diagnosed in this county, I know that the resources we are raising funds for extremely valuable, and awareness is very important. We have one of the highest cancer rates per capita in MN. Its scary!


In the middle of the final count down to Relay, the Club (under the suggestion of myself and a fellow Relay member) decided to do a huge Backyards and Blooms Fundraiser. What were we thinking??? The garden tour started Monday. Its over tonight. But I am in charge of publicity and creative content (ie posters, ticket books and recipe books). What the hell was I thinking???


And then there is my job. Well anyone who works in non profit for business knows, there is no downtime. We will leave it at that!


And now, another moment provided by a blue eyed cuddly 5 y/o:


Me: (waking up) Why are you in my bed?
J: Because I wanted to be.
Me: What is wrong with your bed?
J: Nothing.
Me: Then why are you in my bed?
J: Because I was lonely.


You gotta love him. Soon though I know it will all change, so I am cherishing all of these moments. M on the other hand wants nothing to do with me - well unless she is hungry. Then I am her best friend.


Did I mention how much I was not made to be a mom let a lone a good one? Because I am sure most of you are thinking I run screaming from 1/2 of them (1 out of 2, yes, but its still half so leave me alone!) most of the time.


BTW, my vacation was absolutely perfect. There was only one day that spiked 90, and I spent most of that day yelling at the kids on the other side of the window whilst soaking up the air conditioning! I couldnt keep them out of the lake for anything. But that is what vacation is for. That and reading good crime novels and taking naps at 3 in the afternoon! :) I cried on Saturday because I realized my fantasy life on a lake was almost over for another year. And so was the good ol home cooking my aunt provides.