Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Rewarding or spirit breaking?

That is the question I ask myself today as I sit behind the desk of my thankless NFP job (I have two other NFP jobs that are done behind this desk, but the one that pays me is the one I am ready to run away from).

I love(d) my job with passion and feverence. Until probably last month. Now it is a thorn in my already painful side. It has become a battle ground of sorts.

  • There is the ever so recently frequent jabs from the Board Member who doesn't realize that while I do not get paid for a large portion of the hours I work because they insist that I keep something unncessary in my budget (something that most of my members don't want in my budget - but you know, they are just the people that matter!) that prevents this wonderous thing called a full time salary from happening - even though you expect me to put in full time hours.

  • There is the grant I wrote that used up about 3,754 hours of unpaid time away from my family that consequentially WON AN AWARD for my community (thank you very much - now back off!) that carries a small cash bonus for which there is 1 group out of the 20 organizations I talked about that is insisting that they should get the money because they are the reason we won the award... Um, ok. I don't think that you single handedly made this community a wonderful place to live and breathe - what about the other 4,795 people who live here, and what about those other 19 organizations. Besides, your group just started, so tell me how you got us to where we are today? Just sayin.

  • There is the lack of benny's which is eating away at me because of my recent health issues, and because my husbands line of work rely's on the oil market - for which he was most recently about $ .25 (diesel prices) away from not having a job - hence no insurance.

There are so many things about all three jobs that I love, that reward me tenfold, and make me extremely proud of my accomplishments. But the one that pays me is wearing me down. And in the economy we are living in, I don't see a lot of stability in it any longer. I already have members saying they may have to drop out next year because of cost cutting.

So it is rewarding enough to stay? Or is it breaking my spirit and giving me reasons to finally say "uncle"? That is the question I ask myself today as I sit behind the desk of one of my thankless NFP jobs...

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