Saturday, November 1, 2008

Egg in my face...

Or rather, on my garage doors...

Reason #2 why Halloween is not my favorite holiday.

And reason #1 why I take all my decorations in before I turn off the lights:

It makes me feel hypocritical to send my kids out to beg for candy trick or treat. Trust me, if I could bribe them with a mixed bag of Targets best, I would do it in a heartbeat, and not for even one moment turn on the front porch light!

I thought I left the childish behavior back in the cities. Apparently not. Good thing it will be nice enough out today that cleaning this frosty mess of my door will not mean scraping. Warm soap and water should do.

Its just the principle of the thing. Know what I mean?

I have to confess that some explitives came out of my mouth toward the anger filled little mongors who did this. It isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but you know what? I am a nice neighbor, a good citizen, a very generous person, so I don't think this is justified.

To the little hoodlums who think it is ok to defile someones property:

I can't help it that all the cars from the south side beat you to my doorstep. 300 other kids made it here before you, can't help that my candy is popular (not really, but you know), and that I didn't buy enough for your late night exploits, but last year you smashed my fake pumpkins that I bought when my son was born in 2002. And that hurt a little. So either get your teenage butts out earlier, or get used to the idea of not getting candy. Maybe you should consider talking your mothers into taking off their costumes and throwing you a teenage party - take your anger out on her when she runs out of food and candy. My kids are still young and impressionable and still believe in Santa. If you don't ruin it for them, I won't either.

To the mothers who come in masks thinking they have fooled me:

You know who you are, coming over to my house begging for my candy trick or treating so you have candy to give out at your house. The economic situation is also causing strife on my checkbook, so I would really rather not have to support your family too. If you are in it for the sugar high, maybe you haven't been taught Halloween 101: One for them, two for you.

Learn it. Grasp it. Next year practice it.

Or I will be forced to saran wrap my house, and leave the front porch light off.

Oh, and one more thing: to those of you would only utter "trick or treat" when I threatened not to share my stash, and then walked away with nary a "thank you" for which I was lady who yelled "you're welcome!" - manners are NOT overrated. Please practice up for next year. You have 364 days left! You can do it!!!
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