Thursday, July 31, 2008

And so the story goes...

Its that time of year again when I become the parent to one child for a month. My oldest, Mantha, is packing her bags and is ready to climb aboard the magical mystery tour that takes her to her dad for a whole month. She is excited, so I try not to bring her down with my sadness, but its not fun to say good bye to your child for a month.

Not even when you think you are the worst person in the world to have been chosen as the mother of an almost tween.

I dont say that because I dont enjoy the parenting, I say it because I think I suck at being a mom to a daughter. I am a girly girl, and a perfectionist, and sometimes those extremes cause me to place too high expectations on her. Its the way I grew up. My mom and I were always in competition. I vowed I would never allow the same relationship to form with my daughter, but I fear it has already started to. I will continue to work on it.

This month she will have some freedoms that she may not have here at home, but she will also have some tighter reins. I try to not call her while she is on this adventure out of respect for their time. She calls me when she wants to talk and those times are coveted because everyone gets so excited to talk to her that Jim, Jadon and I fight over who is first this time!

So tomorrow we will make the drive to the meeting place that we visit every other weekend - the "drop off place". But this time the farewell will be a little sadder. A little longer. A lot harder to drive home from.

But she will have fun, and in our own right we will too.

Monday, July 28, 2008

If you pray - please add my friend to your prayers!

I am updating this post again today and changing the title, even if you are a lurker, or a quick passer byer (I know you are out there - I get more than 20 visits a day), please consider the life of this unborn baby!

From MckMama:
"What I am about to give is not some blithe request or statement to pass time....really, from the bottom of my heart, I beseech you to pray for Stellan!!!"

Please visit:

Thank you!

I really appreciate it!

I love this website

But it doesn't mean I will blog the right way!
I am a fiend about spelling and grammar - in print. But when it comes to emails and blogs, I am not very good at following the correct format. I try. Sometimes I even click on spell check or google the spelling of things I don't spell frequently, but I cannot stand to use punctuation when I am typing notes, or journalling, or comments.

So even though I will covet Mignon and her desire to correct us all, and even though I use her for my professional career, I will not practice perfectly here.

Its just not what I aspire to do.

(see all the errors?)

The things people will do for money...

I don't know if it is for greed, to sell at a higher price, or if it is for self benefit, but in reading the ad in my local shopper I am wondering to myself what the motivation was:

"If any of the people that got free yellow lab puppies at the Fair no longer want them, the Humane Society will pay $100 for each puppy".


Isn't the Humane Society there to help find homes for animals who have been abandoned? When did they start purchasing animals so they can in turn sell them for profit? I know the Director of our local HS and I know this is her mind set. She probably found out they were pure bred and wants to sell them at an upcoming pet expo in the large town close by. I know this is her modus operandi because she once tried to deny our adoption of an abandoned abused Siamese kitten because and I quote "I can get more for him if I wait until the pet expo".

This just pains me.

Am I wrong to think this does not make sense???

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The fine print

Its there for a reason. Those thousand plus words on those prescription information sheets are not their for the sport of it. They are there for good reason. If you think you know it all because your doctor told you the side effects, you are wrong. There is more. And sometimes you need to advocate for yourself a little to err on the safe side.

I, my friends did not do this. I never do. I figure if its bad they will tell me right?

After a week of having the following either injected or swallowed:

As well as two surgeries under General Anesthesia

You would think that someone, one of the many doctors, nurses, medics, or pharmacists would have reminded me, or someone who was less doped up, that all of these medications cause a system back up, nay, shut down, if not properly "taken care of".

Well, no one did. Until Friday. One and a half weeks after this all started. And it was too late.

I was very cautiously ambulating myself around the area of which I needed to focus my attentions for the set up of Relay For Life. I was doing really well, and was very proud of myself. I mean really, I just had surgery a day and a half before, and here I was sticking to my word, keeping up my commitment as Chair, and showing nothing was going to stop me.

Boy was I wrong.
I went into the camper to do the things that you do when you are blessed with a kidney stent when all hell broke loose, or better stated, stopped cold and hard. As I was walking back to where I was working, all of the sudden I had a very sharp pain that made stop dead in my tracks. Not because the pain hit so hard necessarily, but because literally I could no longer move on my own. Luckily my mother in law was there, and I was able to call out to her. She came in and helped me get to the bed, and then to a horizontal position for which later I discovered made the next hours worth of events more traumatizing.

She immediately called Jim who was out getting potted flowers from a friend to place in the Survivor Hope Garden. He was there almost instantly. Having many friends in the medical field, and several who work on the local ambulance company, he called one of our friends and told him what happened. And the next thing I knew I had 4 fella's and a lovely lady (most of which I knew very well - so this was really embarrassing) in bed with me trying to get me on a back board. Now remember, I have been living with a very very large kidney stone in an already damaged kidney for several weeks, as well as a stent which makes my life miserable at every move, but this pain was worse than all of that multiplied a thousand fold. I literally thought someone took a hatchet to my lower back and chopped me with it over and over.

Thats pain.
So in the ambulance I go. My fellow Relay'ers scampering to see what happened, as they all felt I should not have been there (really I felt good). I get to the hospital and my friend/doctor meets me with Morphine and Vistaril. Now Morphine does nasty things to my heart rate and bp, and my pulse/ox drops to very low levels, but Morphine is a fairly standard immediate relief medication.

I was numb, but the stabbing pain was still there when I moved. It was determined that I did not injure myself, so the next step was getting me out of bed and into X-Ray and CT. It took a lot of encouragement, plenty of screaming and a lot of patience on their part for me to get out of the bed. I asked to use a wheel chair not to sit in, but to hang on to so I could walk off some of the pain in order to get to X&CT.

And now is when the "read the fine print" became important to me. As the X was being taken, all I heard from the viewing room is "it looks like she is FOS". Jim walked over to what they were looking at (we live in a small town and knew most of the people in the room personally, so he was not shy, and they allowed him in the room), and asked what "FOS" stood for. I am guessing that by now you have figured it out.
My large colon had shut down. Completely. And it as well as my lower large intestine were resting right on a nerve in my lower spine.

After a nice "cleanse" I was still having a lot of pain but decided that there was no reason to hang out in this boring old room when I could be sitting outside my camper alongside the newly created path of luminaries and do one of my favorite past times, people watch, while I awaited the relief of pain.

So we returned to the place of my earlier horror, and watched the survivors (I missed out this year) lap, and the team lap, and got to answer a million and 3/4 questions about what happened, how I was feeling and why I was there. I then trodded inside, crawled into my bed, and proceeded to sleep through the rest of my favorite event of the year.

I am still in a considerable amount of lower back pain, my stent is causing me grief, and I am trying to stay hydrated. I am also staying away from my medicine cabinet, taking ibuprofen and trying to ambulate ever so often to relieve pain. I am hoping to go into work for a few hours tomorrow for a different view, and then very much hoping to get this stent out on Tuesday after another Xray and Cystoscopy.

And I am keeping the metamucil close by.

Friend to friend, if you find yourself in a position of needing alot of narcotic pain relief, please remember that not so sweet place in your lower regions that needs a little more TLC than you would think.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

They didn't say I couldn't

But I am sure I would have heard them say "Oh no you di-int"

But seriously, in my defense, they never said I couldn't scrub my toilet.

Whats that?

Common sense?

Didn't you know they removed that after the first surgery? The rest was an all brainer, and they took it all out yesterday when they blasted me.

And all I have left to say is:

Y'OUCH! That hurts!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A stones throw

Last November I had several very large stones in my left kidney. I had orthoscopic surgery to remove the largest, with Lithotripsy to blast the littler of the buggers. I then had a stent in for a week following to be sure that anything left behind could pass without interference (which by the way, if you have ever had any of this done, the stent is the worst part - talk about yanking your bladder out your woohoo everytime you consider peeing).

And all was well.

Until last week.

On Monday I woke up thinking the pain I was having was not Fibro pain, but I didn't want to admit that it could be what I was fearing. So I ignored it.

On Tuesday it was getting harder to deny, but still, I didn't want to give into the thought, and if I ignored it it would go away right?


On Wednesday I was moving very slow. By noon I couldnt sit any longer, and by the time I made it to the doctor at 1:45 I was no longer walking.

Demoral and Visterol were administered so I could lay down to have a CT Scan that would reveal what I already knew.

And then I was rushed to Mankato to the hospital that actually has a Urologist.

Thursday I had a stent placed in my left kidney - under General Anesthesia which I never respond well to.

Friday I came home with Vicodin and a pharmacuetical chest of other fine meds.

Friday night I was back in the emergency room with pain so intolerable I thought I was giving birth to a 25 year old sumo wrestler.

Saturday - Today I have been on Percocet - a lovely little substitute for the Dilantin they gave me on Friday night.

And tomorrow I get to go back in for surgery at 8 am to get this stupid thing removed.

But the stupid stent will stay put for up to 2 more weeks.

And then the anti food diet will begin. If it has calcium I am almost guaranteed to be told never again to eat it.

I have the same Urologist as last year, and the first words out of his mouth on Thursday were "why didn't you follow up with me? I told you what you needed to do to prevent this again".

Um, well doc, there was this little thing called life. And life included my step fathers death and my sons near death, so I am sorry that I didn't follow up. But I am guessing the third time wont be very charming, so I had better listen this time.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Vacation Pictures

A few days before we left for vacation "Great Grandpa" (Jims Grandpa) turned 93. He is in the nursing home, and it makes me sad because he spends a lot of time alone. Grandma Rose has been gone almost a year now.
So this was taken in June, but since I fell upon it while uploading vacation pictures I decided to share it with you (besides, the flowers are now brown and shrivelled up, so its nice to see them lush). Anyway, this baby bird was taking flying lessons and decided to perch in my flower pot. He watched us 1/2 the morning. This little guy also visited Jims mirror on his truck, the kids playset at the base of the slide, and the window sill in the family room. Like Flat Stanley or Wheres Waldo, only we never had the camera handy...

The Bucket List: For 7 summers we have vacationed at my aunt and uncles cabin. These two buckets have been used in a similar fashion first by Mantha, and then by both kids since the first visit. There is always at least one day's worth of play that includes little people sitting in them.

As you can see, Daschel was getting a little envious of said bucket play

So the kids generously donated a miniature version of the red bucket

and he played and played and played with it... all weekend long.

Im pretty sure that you dont water ski on your face (see the ski on the left side of the wake?). I give Mantha kudo's for trying, but she seriously doubled her weight in water and lost interest immediately. She was a trooper tho!

I know for sure that you cant swim in sand, but it was so cute to watch that I didnt have a heart to tell Jadon that he wasnt going to get anywhere that way.

Dash loved the water. The breed is not a water dog, but apparently no one told him. We are hoping that this will make baths easier!

Built like momma, and decadent desserts too!

So tonight my son, a boy, masculine, tough guy (ok not so much), walks up the stairs from the dungeon I mean playroom, and this is what I saw coming at me:
Shake it to the left, shake it to the right.... Thank God they were made of a football and a basket ball (mini in size, but still of masculine sorts)

oY....Oy.... oY!

On to my other favorite subject:

The Club, Flowers and Dessert!

The Club had a Back Yards and Blooms Garden Tour last week. Along with the tour, the Club hosted a Decadent Dessert party, where local ladies made and donated the desserts and the recipes for us to provide for the after party. Below you may drool over the spectical of decadence, but please, restrain yourselves because we ate them all gone! Sorry!

The one you will notice is only halved in the photo because well, it was so good that it started going before the picture was taken. And please, dont judge me for the day old day lillies. I wasnt thinking.... Again, I am sorry!


Tres Leches with fruit. Fresh Grapefruit Cake (this was to die for amazing, and I will share the recipe if you beg me).

Tres Leches, Fresh Grapefruit Cake, Tirimisu Torte (some idiot [me] cut it before the photo) and Chocolate Praline (this was the only dessert I didnt get to sample as I am allergic to most nuts).

There were at least a dozen other desserts that were equally as stunning to look at, but they were not in photographical states at the time that these pictures were taken.

If you are planning on visiting my neck of the woods next summer about this time, let me know, I will be sure to get you tickets and will reserve you something decadently tasty, yet amazingly calorie free!

It could be worse!

I received an email on the heels of several sparring matches with Board Members today, and although the whole jist of the email is not appropriate for blogging, one line was:

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

That will be my motto and my armor today, because as long as I remember I could be one of them I will stay grounded and avoid their level.

Although the one comment keeps replaying over and over in my head: "We would help but we all have full time jobs". Ok, well little missy (aka Vice President of both of my Boards of Directors), if it weren't for your ignorance, I would have a full time job too, but you don't seem to think that my working 50 hours+ for 32 hours of pay is enough so you pile more on and then remind me that YOUR employer pays you for the hours you work! At least pay me some respect - it will balance out some of those unpaid work hours!

I hope that didn't put me on her level... Oy... pennance time.
I guess I had to let that out. Sorry!

Monday, July 14, 2008

My baby is starting school in less than two months...

Happy. Amazed. Sad.

He is so happy, he can't wait to start. Pre-school was what he lived for this past year, and every morning when we drive past the elementary, he comments on what is changing (its being remodelled) and wonders how his Kindergarten room will be affected.

It amazes me how much he is learning at his new daycare. Maybe it is because she is on the school board, loves kids, and believes in helping her little dumplings get ready for the new school year, or maybe he is finally thriving in a socially hyperactive environment.

My sadness is less about him going to school, but more about the preparation... Sad that I have to break the news to him that he needs to go to the doctor in the next few weeks. Sad because after last Novembers 9 day stint at Childrens Hospital, I have tried to protect him from more "pokes", and have done my best to avert his new found fear of doctors, clinics, and needles. I don't blame him, he had needles, tubes and "pokes" in all places at all times for more time than any young child should have to. Thank God it was temporary, but the effects were lasting. And in case we forget, he even has scars to show us as reminders (thank God, this did not leave a scar!).

Today we received reminders from our insurance company with the list of vaccinations he needs before school. As he was placing the reminder stickers on the chart they sent, he noticed that the vaccination ones had pictures of needles on them, and instantly inquired why we were using those stickers. When I told him he would need a few pokes to start school, he quickly stated that he could wait. He didnt need to go to school next month.

Please Lord, give me the strength to get through that appointment without tears, because I know it is not going to go smoothly.

Addiction to get your undies in a bunch

Or inside out in my case.

Ever stayed up so late that you didn't realize the next morning that you dressed yourself in a less than perfect manner? Well that was me this morning. And it took until noon for me to notice. Of course no one else could tell, but nonetheless I was self concious and worried that there was more - like mascara on my lips and lipstick on my lashes. Especially after my opinion post of last week!

Well such addiction is this utterly stupid show called Big Brother. I mean what moron schedules their life around such a sadistic muttering of idiocracy. Oh, me.

Not only do I watch the 3 evenings a week, but I even DVR and fast forward much of the late night stuff so I can have the "inside scoop" on all my peeps that secretly wish they had a DVR and the ability to be me.

Why oh why?

Needless to say, said garments remained status quo because well, I was too tired to care.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The beauty in natures fury

There have been storms all over Minnesota the past two days. Where we are, we have been on the fringe, either a few miles to the north or south - literally. So we have had the beauty of the fury without the beast.

The cabin I was at all last week was within very few miles of a tornado that destroyed a few turkey farms. If I have to guess where the farms were, I would say that as the crow flies, the tornado probably would have been visible if not for the tree's around the cabin.

My dad called to tell me that they had over 2" of rain fall in less than a 1/2 hour. He is up north where the storms were really riled up this early afternoon. There was a tornado in the county their cabin is in, but he wasnt sure where it struck and what damage was done.

Mantha is in the city with her dad, and they are on round like 4 of the wickedness - Heidi, I hope you are getting through it ok!

But like I said, we have just had the beauty. So here are a few shots taken out our front door looking over the neighbors house:

Of course a photo does not do justice to how contrasting this scene was. The lower layer of clouds - which looked to almost touch the roof tops they are that low - ranged from orange to red to silver. They were moving east. The white thunder clouds were pretty much standing still, but building to the west. Some converged right over our heads. We heard a little thunder, but like most of the storms that have hit our corner of the state this month, we are unscathed. As I say this the wind is picking up, but the radar shows nothing, so I will not fret, and rather look at the beauty a little longer before the sun goes down.

If you are in this, or any other storms path, may your family stay safe!

Im just sayin'

This is my opinion. It may not be yours, but it is mine. And since this is my blog and not yours, I get to say what I want to say. If you want to share your opinion and it is not the same as mine, that is fine, because you too are free to speak as you wish, and have opinions as you wish.

That being said...

I am not a make up artist, and I am not a fashionista. But there are a few things that I dont understand about make up and fashion:

1. White eye shadow: There are some people who wear it well (my little "sister" Cricket is one of them). Most young women (under 30-ish) seem to understand how to properly apply it. These same young women are usually not yet burdoned with crows feet and thining brows. Ladies, when you are drying up and getting wrinkled up there, please, move on to darker shades, and maybe not so high on the brow. I am from the school that eye shadow should "shadow" your eye. That doesnt mean the way I wear makeup is the right way by any means, but just like with clothes, white shows the flaws - darker colors mask or avert your eyes from them. Im just sayin...

2. Gloppy thick clumpy mascara: If you arent getting the desired effect from your mascara, dont add more. It wont fix the problem. Try a different kind. Find a formulation that provides the desired look for you. But dont keep glopping it on. Tammy Fae was not a trend setter people. She was not one to model your look after. Clean, natural, long/thick (whatever you are going for) lashes are what is in. Hell, even fakes are in. If you want outrageous go for the feathered or blinged up fakey's, but put down the old dried up clumpy flaky tube. Again, just sayin...

3. Skin tight jeans that show your crack: I know low ridin is the trend. It doesnt work for my fat ars, so I avoid the trend. There are many ladies and young girls out there that need some windex and some papertowels to clean their mirrors off with. Saddle bags, pouches and butts are not attractive when they are cliff hanging over a pair of high (or low) fashioned jeans. I will say it all day long...

Pa-lease... I have small kids, dont ruin their eyesight so early.

4. Flip flops and cracked heels: Need I say more? There is this modern miracle called lotion. Give it a shot. And if you are really trying to impress, try my personal favorite, the Ped Egg. Dont believe that it works? Ask my friend Fad, she knows. She loves its parmesan grating, smooth as silk making, sexy feet creating little self almost as much as I do.

I know, my opinion sucks, but its mine and I like it! :)

Thursday, July 10, 2008


I dont have the time to play with my mouse.

I want to fast track past security and get to comment nervana so I can join in the fun, but nooooooo, I have to put my finger on that stupid squeaky malfunctioning thing that doesnt like being called blue tooth (I think there is a trailer trash connotation in "blue tooth", but mister squeaky doesnt take to me making up excuses for why its ok to be bt), because apparently my security doesnt believe that "y" stands for "yes", and that if I go there all the time I should get a frequent shopper pass.

In my haste I struggle to spell, and am half blind so "what the" anyway is up with those stupid wavy smooshed together letters for verification. Why oh why??? I know, I make you do them too, but I do it out of spite. I will succumb to peer pressure, if you jump I will too and we can go into non verification bliss together.

Come on, I dare you!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

And we're back!

And busier than all get out!

Relay is in 16 Days and we are c.r.a.z.y! I have Chaired Entertainment and Activities, Online Registration and have been the county webmaster, and Teams Co-Chair for Relay for 5 years now, but this year we added Event Chair to my repitoire. It may be the last! Its not much more work, because our core committee has been working together for 5+ years and we have our jobs down pat. But that being said, the added stress of knowing that if something is forgotten its on me is putting me over the edge. Especially since this is in no way my only job. I am trying to stay confident that we will raise enough funds this year - but we aren't seeing the numbers so far. We need good weather so our packed full night of entertainment can happen because the night of we have managed to squeak out over 30K. This is the most entertainment we have ever had (from 5pm - 4am) so we are hoping it will keep wallets open! It sounds greedy, but as a survivor who was diagnosed in this county, I know that the resources we are raising funds for extremely valuable, and awareness is very important. We have one of the highest cancer rates per capita in MN. Its scary!

In the middle of the final count down to Relay, the Club (under the suggestion of myself and a fellow Relay member) decided to do a huge Backyards and Blooms Fundraiser. What were we thinking??? The garden tour started Monday. Its over tonight. But I am in charge of publicity and creative content (ie posters, ticket books and recipe books). What the hell was I thinking???

And then there is my job. Well anyone who works in non profit for business knows, there is no downtime. We will leave it at that!

And now, another moment provided by a blue eyed cuddly 5 y/o:

Me: (waking up) Why are you in my bed?
J: Because I wanted to be.
Me: What is wrong with your bed?
J: Nothing.
Me: Then why are you in my bed?
J: Because I was lonely.

You gotta love him. Soon though I know it will all change, so I am cherishing all of these moments. M on the other hand wants nothing to do with me - well unless she is hungry. Then I am her best friend.

Did I mention how much I was not made to be a mom let a lone a good one? Because I am sure most of you are thinking I run screaming from 1/2 of them (1 out of 2, yes, but its still half so leave me alone!) most of the time.

BTW, my vacation was absolutely perfect. There was only one day that spiked 90, and I spent most of that day yelling at the kids on the other side of the window whilst soaking up the air conditioning! I couldnt keep them out of the lake for anything. But that is what vacation is for. That and reading good crime novels and taking naps at 3 in the afternoon! :) I cried on Saturday because I realized my fantasy life on a lake was almost over for another year. And so was the good ol home cooking my aunt provides.