Monday, April 27, 2009

Happy Memory-versary

Happy Memory-versary to a very special friend. Someone who has loved so much and lost so much more. Someone who took more than half her lifetime to find the one. Someone who had to say good bye to him far too soon.

May she find peace and love in all the memories of his sweet life, and find joy in what they had together, and what he left behind for the rest of us to share in and love.

Happy Anniversary Pally!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

12, 11, 10, 9, 8...

12 - a not so magic number. In fact, its a rather sucky number. 12 is the number of hours my husband has been allowed to work this week. Not because he chooses too. But because his company insists on padding the employee pool and stretch the work thin, and then make excuses for why guys who are going on 9 years with the company get to work less than the guys who started yesterday afternoon.

11 - the number of days I have left before I will be able to make room for someone new in my office if all goes well next week.

10 - the number of days I hate in May... May 8th was my moms birthday - Mothers Day always falls a few days later, and May 18th is my wedding anniversary - the day I married the love of my life without my mother there to witness (she died 7 months and 15 days before we were married)

9 - the number of years that Jim and I have been tripping and stumbling through life together.

8 - the number of days left to have 10% of your purchase donated to Stellan's fund when you order some of these from Munchie Gifts!

7 - the number of years (on May 18th) that Jim and I have been married - for better or worse.

6 - the number I would like my pain to be right now, instead it is only 1/2 the number... If 12 is even on a pain chart.

5 - the number of hours I average per night in restless sleep.

4 - the number of days my kids will be attending school per week next year from November to March if the proposal laying on the table is voted on and passed on Monday.

3 - the number of weeks that will be added to the school year next year if the above passes. I can't wait to explain WHY they are planning to pass this new agenda. I guarantee it is not what you think!

2 - the number of days before my darling daughter steps up to the plate and performs her little heart out at the Math Masters Competition. The same daughter that ranked #1 district wide for Math Masters, yet told my friend yesterday that she HATES math. Go figure.

1 - the number of nerve endings that aren't screaming uncle right now!

0 - the number of vacation days Jim has left until October. If only he could get paid for mine - I added my comp time and vacation time up last week and it appears I could take a month off with pay - if only I had someone I could count on to run the office while I was gone for even a day...

-1 - number of people still reading this far down the list of complaints and whines!

Monday, April 20, 2009


Stellan is having an Ablation tomorrow morning (Tuesday) at 8:30 am Eastern time. This surgery is very very dangerous and very rarely performed on a baby not quite 6 months old.

If you haven't been keeping up with Stellan's story, last week he was flown to Boston to be near his new heart doctor. All sorts of tests have been performed, and it has become abundantly clear that there is nothing less than surgery to try and repair his heart.

Many of Jennifer's readers are going to wear Orange - her favorite color - on Tuesday to support Stellan.

Please pray for a steady hand, and no fear, only clear guidance for Stellan's surgeon.

Check Jennifer's blog out at for updates - she Twitters, and while most likely the next days posts will not come from her, there will be updates from her friends and sister.

Thank you for your constant support and prayer for my friend and her baby!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Crumbling all around me...

I don't know what is happening... I feel like everything is falling apart. Not to me personally, but to those around me.


I have posted recently about loss, most recent. I feel like it goes so deep that I cannot seem to find an escape from it.

Two weeks ago, Larry, someone I worked with died suddenly. The following Saturday Larry my neighbor died. Last Sunday someone I have worked with through Relay For Life and a local business died at the age of 30 from a long bout with Cancer. Last night my sister in laws brother died by his own hand.

My friends sister is still hanging on, but not by much of a thread. My friends pain is impossible to witness - she is struggling so.

It is not making sense to me. It all started a little over a month ago with Jim's grandfather. I have never experienced this much loss so close together. 4 deaths in two weeks. People of all ages, people of all levels of relationship.

I don't get it.

Childrens tragedy's...

My friend Jennifer, who I talk about all the time on my blog, is currently with her baby is fighting for his life. He was flown to Boston this morning to prepare for a surgery that no one wants to perform on his very small 5 month old heart. I am brought to tears almost daily in joy and pain for this sweet baby boy.

One of my best friends who lives half a country away has also been dealt some tragedy with a child. She has three children with PIDD - a disease that prevents their bodies from having an immune system. Her youngest child - 5 years old, just two weeks ago, was kidnapped right in front of her. Thank God he was recovered within a few minutes, but he is now severely traumatized. Afraid to leave the house and be around strangers, afraid of things that most 5 year olds should not have to fear.

Where is this all coming from? One of my friends here in my small town told me I seem to be a magnet for bad kharma. Can that be true?

Today I cannot seem to shake a funk that I have found myself in. I spent several hours with one of my dear friends who is going through a horribly painful separation. She and her husband are one of those couples that others look up to, yet here they are, in a place where many of us have found ourselves before. I had no idea how to console her. I wanted to cry for her, and for all those so close to me that seem to be suffering so.

I can be thankful that right now at least, the relationship with my husband is stable - the most so in the past few years. We still struggle, but we seem to have found a middle ground that has been hard to reach for many years. If I have to hang on to something for safety and comfort, I am glad it can he that.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Where oh where...

Has my little blog gone, oh where oh where can it be?

Its here. It will return.

Right now I have a lot going on, some good, some bad.

In the last week alone, I have had two deaths. I am preparing for a third. Two were wonderful Larry's. One was a mentor, one was a beloved neighbor and friend. The third is one of my dearest friends sister.

One died of Cancer, one died suddenly, and the other is losing a very long and exhausting battle with Cancer.

While I don't know Jackie very well on a personal level, she has been a business acquaintance of mine for almost 3 years. The fact that she is my friends sister has made her impending loss almost unbearable. I am watching the suffering through her eyes. They are so very close, interestingly, their relationship reminds me a lot of mine and my mothers.

I admit it, I am a girl, and I have a lot of emotions. You could make me cry by telling me about the adorable 8 legged friend you accidentally squished when you got up to pee in the middle of the night. I hate spiders, but you could make me feel sorry for him if you cared about him. So to watch someone I adore go through this horrible pain is excruciating.

I have also been planning for four rather big events. One is on Monday, one is the following Saturday, and one the following Wednesday. The last event is in July, but takes a good 6 months to prepare for. This past weeks deaths has made it even more important to me.

Some of you know about my job, and how much public work I have to do to maintain it. This is an extra. I love this event because it means so much to me personally - Relay For Life. This will be my second year as event chair, and I am getting stoked! Our kick off is next Tuesday, and while I know we will lose some teams due to the economy, we have a new team in honor of a young man who is currently overcoming brain cancer - at the age of 21. A team that is so large, here is talk of several businesses sponsoring him. I am going to propose that he be one of our honorary chairs.

So, in a nutshell, my blog will be here, however I may not be for a few weeks. Relay isn't until July, but once I get through some of these other projects and events, I will have a short breather before it kicks in old school style!

I miss and adore you all, and will read when I can! I hope everyone is well, and if you want to come visit me to make sure I am still ok, well, email me! I will send you directions!

And Pally - I have more truffles coming soon! I am doing a project (oh, add that one to my list!) for Munchie Gifts, so I will have access to muches chocolate! That means you should snag our pal Brenda and come on down a week from Saturday!