Sunday, June 21, 2009

The many faces of fathers

Today I received a phone call from someone that I never expected to hear from on Fathers Day. That phone call changed my mood, made me happy, made me proud, made me cry. That phone call made up for so many days when I wondered if he really did care. Today I found out how much.
But I will get back to him in a moment.

First I want to wish a Happy Fathers Day to the two most important men in my life:

The man that gave me life:

He may have chosen to go on a 6 week vacation to Alaska over having Brunch with his stunning daughter, but that doesn't change how much I love the man! Happy Fathers Day Dad!

The man that breaths life into me every day:

There may be some days when he acts more like our 6 year old than like a father to our 6 year old, but I still love him! Happy Fathers Day hon-e!

I want to wish a Happy Fathers Day to two men who brought me so much happiness and joy, but are no longer here with us:

The man that made my mothers last years her happiest:

Bruce was my step father for 12 years. He came into my mothers life at a time when she needed someone to love her for who she was, not for what she had been. Bruce did that. He took away the sadness that had surrounded her for many years, and brought smiles and laughter and joy and excitement. He made her last years her best years. Even though they married when I was 24, there was never a doubt in my mind that he would be a father to me.

The only man I ever got to call "grandpa":

Grandpa Lawrence swept me off my feet the first time he met me. Literally. I dont know who he thought I was the first time he saw me, but I will never forget that incredibly strong bear hug I received in place of a hand shake the night Jim took me to their campsite the first night I met him. Those hugs never ended. He called me his girlfriend, and he my boyfriend. He was the only man that I ever had the honor of calling "grandpa" and I will never forget him.

Now back to the phone call today.

I sent texts to all the men in my life, whether friends husbands, or family members, to wish them a Happy Fathers Day. One I had to send to my aunt because my uncle does not have his own cell phone.

Several hours later, while driving home from getting Mantha, my cell rang. When I answered it was Larry's voice on the other end of the line thanking me for my message. Then thanked me for alllowing him to be a father.
There was no thanks needed, not from him.

I was pregant my senior year of highschool. I was confused, in denial and hid the pregnancy from everyone - my parents, boyfriend, friends, everyone - until I was 7 months pregnant. Somehow my mother figured it out, even though I was spending the summer 1500 miles away. She had conversations with her sister who could not have children about the prospect of them adopting my baby.

When I came home from my summer away, I sat down with my aunt and uncle. I will never forget the tear and fear filled conversation. I remember their fears. It was not as easy as saying the word "yes". It was much more complicated than that. Even after they took custody of Alex, there was fear. Fear that I would spend too much time with her, that I was too close, and want her back.

I have wondered for years, now that their baby was grown, how he felt about me. I knew how my aunt felt. She tells me all the time. I know how Alex feels, I can see it and hear it in her voice when she spends time with Mantha and Jadon.

But until today, I did not know how Larry felt.

I may have given them something they couldn't have, but they gave me so much more. They gave me peace. Peace that my child would know love in a solid happy home. She has travelled the world, and never wanted for anything. She is getting a top notch college education, and is studying abroad. She is kind, and loving, and has morals that are not often seen in kids her age. That did not come from me. That came from them - her parents.

So today, as I wished Larry a Happy Fathers Day, I thanked him back. I thanked him for trusting me. I thanked him for allowing him to be the father my child needed and deserved.

Its been 21 years in the making, but on this Fathers Day, we finally know how much the other means.

I hope all the fathers in my life know how much they mean to me.

blog comments powered by Disqus