Saturday, January 26, 2008


Friends... they are like family, only better, because we get to choose them...

friend (frěnd) n.
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

Some people choose to have many friends. Some they keep very close. Some are friendships forged by association (ie work, a club, etc), but outside said association there is little time spent.

Some people choose to have a few friends. Most of which they are very close to. Not many others break that circle. But every once in a while a new friendship will spark, and the new comrade is welcomed by all.

I had always prided myself on being one of those people who thrived on a few close relationships. I had a few handfuls of friends that I shared everything with. They knew every gruesome detail about me. They celebrated the good times. They supported through the bad.

Recently, I have developed quite a few friendships that I would have previously considered "friends by association" because we share like interests and activities. I am now finding that many of these people I would welcome into my close circle if the opportunity arose.

But sadly over the past few years some of my very close friends - life long friends - have gone missing.

Not missing because of a fight. Not missing because our interests changed. Not missing because we don't like each other any longer.

Missing because of logistics. Missing because it takes more effort now. Missng because the opportunity has slipped away.

Some of these friends have spent a large portion of my life with me. We went to school together, suffered various break ups and heartaches together, got in a lot of trouble together, and celebrated many milestones together. Some of these friends even sat through the horror of my mothers illnesses, and untimely death. Walked down the aisle with me, and welcomed the births of my children.

Sadly, they are missing.

Five years ago, I moved away from what I knew my whole life. A large city full of opportunity. Plenty of diversities, and good friends that were a lifetime in the making. We tried to keep in touch. But missed phone calls and emails; lack of opportunity to get away for an evening out; and changes in our lives made it difficult for some of those friendships to sustain.

Sadly, they are missed.

I often wonder... "what do her kids look like now, they are getting so old!". "Did she get married yet?". "How is her new life, miles and miles away?". Most of all... "Do they wonder the same things about me?".

Often times I want to call them up and see how things are. Reminisce on old times, and catch up on the new. But who has the time? And how do you catch up? Five years (or more) is a long time. A lot has happened in my life in that time. I am sure the same goes for them.

I have written letters in my head a dozen times or more, but the time to put them to paper has passed. The time to send them in the mail has gone by.

Have you ever "caught up" with someone only to realize you are jealous of the times you have missed? Or felt completely lost because so much has changed?

Friends are a lifetime of happiness and joy. I now feel like my friends of the past have been missing for long enough that it is time to let them go. That it is time to focus on the friends I have now, and not let them slip away.

Time is hard on a person. When you have a family, and a career, and other responsibilities, sometimes the most important people in your life fall to the way side.

Friends are too important to lose.

Do you know where your friends are?
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