Sunday, January 4, 2009

Not Me! Monday

It may seem annoying that I bore you on Mondays with things that I didn't (or really did) last week - but you know what? Since this blog is all about me, well, I will continue to make you read unneccesary things because it makes me feel better. And I can't afford my therapist!



Lets just say, since I did not do this last week, I probably have more than the usual dose of things that may have been inappropriate, or unbelievable, or insignificant (for you) - but to keep it less boring (again, for you), I will limit my bad-mommy-ness to just a few.

First off, lets just say that as a parent, I probably did not recieve any awards over the past two weeks.

I did not over sleep, under sleep, stay up too late, go to bed too early, or any combination of the above in the past 5 days. I did not allow my 6 y/o son to follow my lead and stay up until almost midnight every single cotton picken day, then to not admit that it would make last night really hard, and this morning even harder! I'm much smarter than that.

We did not eat out every day the entire time we were at my grandmothers. She is a wonderful cook, so we would not do that. We also did not manage to pay for more than two of those meals because my family has a tendancy to enter a restaurant telling whomever they can grab first to hand them the bill. My poor grandmother who tried so hard to pay for something wasn't allowed the chance. Its like a big game - a game she started many moons ago - most likely thinking we weren't catching on. I think it was the first time in years we were able to keep her from paying - especially when we ate no less than 6 meals out. (Cricket - thank you for lunch on Saturday!)

I did not get a darn thing done this weekend work wise - which I desperately needed to. I did not have internet for 5 days at grams, but I still could have gotten the majority of the work done. Now I will be slammed this week.

I did not catch a bazillion reflections of myself this past two weeks and want to throw my lower body into a woodchipper to chisel away about 5,000 inches off my butt, thighs and cankles. I realized however that it would most likely hurt, and realized that the only way to correct it would be to walk/exercise it off. But the thought of that made me tired, so I decided to work on it later. Well, sooner than later, but soon'ish.

I did not want to Lysol myself and my family when I heard that my uncle got the stomach flu on NYE. I then did not want to Lysol his wife when she arrived to be sure that there wasn't anything entering the house we were all dining/celebrating at. I did not say to her more than once that "she would have it tomorrow" only to hear she already had "the other flu" and wouldnt get this one, only to come down with it two days later.

Before I go on, I must tell you that the following statements are being said not out of disdain or dislike for the person I had issue with. She is a wonderful person who I love to death. But she really nailed me hard on NYE with her opinion, and we all know that I am opinionated... so onward and upward... (or south if I don't mind my p's and q's)

I did not bite my tongue and kick myself in the shin when she said it was because they got a flu shot (actually I believe her exact words were "You ALWAYS get the flu from the flu shot"). I did want to say that you dont get the stomach flu from the flu shot. Two different things. Two different things. But I kept my mouth shut.

I did not finally say my peace however when once again I was told that I need to quit drinking bottled water when its no different from tap water. I spoke my peace, and then I stomped out of the room, screamed a little, and came back to hear the rest of her converstion with everyone else at the table about how horrible it is that I drink bottled water. I finally told her that I DO NOT HAVE A BRITTA, NOR DO I PLAN TO GET ONE. It did not shut her up, but it made me feel better.

I did not almost through the Dried Beef Bage Dip (want the recipe) at her when she asked if I used reduced fat sour cream and reduced fat mayo in it. Of course I did not. And I would never do that (throw the dip) because despite the fact that she loves to share her opinion, and despite the fact that I am never right, I do love her to death and would never wish or induce harm on her. I just need to reiterate that before you read on... I do not like the taste of either. I was told again, that they taste the same. I do not agree. So I will not be using them any time soon. I may be fat, but I have low blood pressure and low cholesterol so I do not plan on sacraficing taste anytime soon.

I apparently have a lot of negative things to share today... Sorry!

I did not wonder more than 3,895,364 times this weekend if there is a switch that is flipped when we become grandmothers that instantly changes us from normal people (well, "normal" is a loosly used term, but you know what I mean) into food obsessed, plans obsessed, "can I get you anything to eat?" "what would you like to drink?" little old ladies. I swear EVERY 5 MINUTES for 5 days (two weeks in a row) my grandmother asked those exact questions. That and "what is so and so doing today", "what would you like to do", and my personal favorite: "oh, come on now" when you answered "nothing" to any of the above. I cannot tell you how many times in my 37 years I have told her that I: do not drink coffee, am allergic to nuts, do not like breakfast, and am not hungry or thirsty thankyouverymuch.

I did not just write an almost entire parenthetical paragraph.

I did not want to ring a certain someone's neck this morning when she totally dismissed a brochure I had asked her to proof read last week, and then tried to pass off her own, outdated, very poorly planned, very poorly laid out brochure off to the organizer of a race we are doing using "he wanted it emailed" as an excuse when he was STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

UGH! I need a new job!

Anyone hiring?

There is so much I could share, but you are bored and I need to get a crap load of work done!

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