Its the root of all things I hate.
Being broke sucks - as I am sure many of you will agree. It doesn't help that two weeks in a row, over the holidays no less, Jim's office messed up his paperwork and missed an entire days worth of pay. At the HOLIDAYS!! I said it again to remind myself why I hate that company - because I promise you they don't care one lick that they are making us suffer.
As the holidays roll away, in came all sorts of fears. It was so much easier when the pretty and the joy covered the bitter nasty truth of it all. The rush of blood to your head when you open your bank statement; read your account online; get messages from your bank account that your balance is below your alert level (I have a love/hate relationship with this feature); open bills that need to get paid; get letters from hospitals stating "your bill is now due".
Fears that things are not going to get better. Not in the big picture, not in our little picture. Friends are panicking. Friends who have never had the need to panic. Friends who have always had room to grow are now feeling sqeezed by the same belt we are.
I have found myself to be angry and jealous. Angry that we have lived a life of spend as we earn, buy what we want, and not think ahead and prepare and plan. Jealous that over the past several weeks I spent time with many family members who have not spent what they earned, and saved for times like these. People who are doing well. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that they are ok. I am so happy that this downturn in times has not affected those I love in the same ways they have affected us. I so wish we would take cue's from them and learn from our mistakes.
But when we will catch up enough to be able to do so. That is the question.
Money. I hate it. I hate what it does to me. I hate what it does to others around me.