Heavy

The heavier the rain the heavier my lids.

I have dozed off writing Board notes and researching websites and blogs for work so many times today I cannot tell you.

I finally found a negative to being on main street - with my desk literally 20' from the sidewalk outside - in an office that has one entire wall of windows...

People can see my head hit the desk when I conk out!

If it weren't for the phone I think I would be an hour into a drool fest.

Not Me Monday

You've been there - you know you have! Those days when you skipped a step out of laziness, or ignored something your husband or kids did "just because" it was easier? Then there are those things that may cause need for a session or two on a leather sofa. Well I have many of those days! In fact, if I kept a log, I could actually write 13 1/2 pages each day. But there is just no time for that now, really!

So my good friend aka MckMama started a little "project" almost a year ago to combat the guilty's and the need for a costly therapist. Lord knows this is so much cheaper than my therapist (my pretend one - because there is nothing wrong with me, so why would I need a therapist - really, how dare you think otherwise).

I did not cry like a little girl at our facilitator training in front of 10 of my professional colleagues when it was my turn to share some of what inspired me about the previous two days of seminar. I am not emotional and do not wear my heart on my sleeve, and would NEVER let my guard down and cry in front of people, because I just do not do that!

sniff sniff...

I did not make any excuses on Friday when we arrived at the "baums" family weekend, and shortly after dinner ducked out early for the night. I would never do that. I do not lie - really, seriously, I do not (I abhor it!). I HAD spent three days in a classroom, and I DID need to unwind by myself for a while. Just because I did not tell everyone I also needed to take a break from a few of them does not constitute an excuse or a lie, only an exclusion to save their feelings.

I am kind that way.

I did not then text my soon to be ex-SIL that I am mad at her soon to be ex-husband (my husbands brother) call him a chump for leaving her. I also told her I miss her tons. I mean I did not, because I did not text her. Wait, that WAS a lie. I did.

I did not stop helping and then walk away from my husband when he blamed me for breaking the awning on the camper. I did not blame his brother for breaking it even though I know he messed with the button that broke it because, well, I do not roll that way. I did however go get his brother and make him help my husband fix said broken awning after I did (not) walk away from him.

I did not then come back after it was fixed and make my husband apologize to me.

I did not gorge on chips, and dips, and adult beverages and card games while at the "baums" family weekend. I did not rub in anyone's faces that I am the unofficial Phase 10 champ, and Queen of the game Bull Shit. I also did not at anytime while playing "B.S." with my young and impressionable teen aged nieces accidentally slip out the words "bull shit" instead of the cleaner "baloney sandwich" when busting their deception during a game for which lying is intentional. I also never lied about the cards I lay on the table - just to clarify! (and those out there yelling "B.S." - PROVE IT! Because I already clarified that I do not lie! bwahahaha!)

I did not drink several pots of coffee each day of training last week because that just isn't responsible. I also did not drink the last cup yesterday morning because I was hoping someone else would make more for me (which for the record, no one did). I did not do that, because I have never liked coffee. Well, I never did like coffee. Until I stopped drinking pop.

I did not just slam a 20 oz cup of coffee and sneak back over to my friends coffee shop and refill my cup. I did not! But I thought about it!

I am not blogging at work either. That is not efficient!

I am DEFINITELY not looking for a volunteer to man my office Thursday afternoon so I can skip out of work early and head to the lake for my sides family weekend. Nope, I would not shirk work in that way!

BWA!

Ha!

Ha!

7 Habits part 2...

Or shall I say "day two".

Wow is all I can say! I am taking the certification tomorrow. Then I will be able to teach it. I have a lot of reading and practicing to do!

As organizers of the program we had the opportunity to have a one on one dinner with the instructor/consultant last night and it was very insightful. For many reasons. The most important was that what we are doing is really important and that a program he implemented 20 years ago that was put to the way side may be able to start up again because of what our mission statement is telling him.

That excited him and made us feel really good.

It also worried him because while our intentions are well meaning, the negative ramifications of the "unexpected" make him fear for our success. Somehow, as he put it "for the first time in his 22 years" we managed to get Covey to allow us to do a small business/entrepreneur/school all in one program that will reach a spectrum of people that hasn't been allowed in the past... Pray it works the way we all hope!

I am pretty proud of our innovative little town. Who would think a program we had 120 spots for would FILL UP!!!!

Off to do some homework.

Oh, my favorite affirmation of the day came from the instructor/consultant...

Towards the end of the afternoon I had a hard time sitting - my back/kidneys/fibromyalgia do not do well with stagnate behaviors, so I was leaning against a window seat opposite from where he was speaking. He started a video, and walked the perimeter of the room. He stopped at where I was standing, put his hand on my shoulder and said "Lori, I really like you. You are very purposeful. You seem to know what is important and what you need to do to achieve it. You seem to have a solid head on your shoulders. I have truly enjoyed working with you, and cannot wait for tomorrows sessions". All small statements. I wanted to cry. Instead I thanked him.

I was blown away.

I think when I reveal some of my introspections you will understand where his comment came from, but to walk in wondering if I was right for the program, having a seasoned professional tell me what he did was enough to lift my spirits for a long time to come.

And now I need to decide whether I am going to do homework or go to bed to prepare for hardcore work tomorrow... Hmmmm.... what will prevail?

So for those of you who do come and visit, and have read or are interested in reading the series, what would you think of a separate "blog/book/7 Habits club"? We can take a habit a week/month - however we want to do it. Read, practice it in our lives and share our experiences, good and bad and receive support and affirmation for what we are trying to do? I would make it private so we could be candid with each other. Let me know!

Pally, it WAS an extra, so its yours!!!

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Heard of it? Read the book(s)? Living the habits?

All I can say is wow, and slow down sir, my writing hand is getting tired!

What am I speaking of? Something we can all use a little of... Self reflection. Self improvement. Accountability. More self reflection. Living the way we want to be remembered, not the way we can breeze through life.

Did I lose you?

I will elaborate more as the days go on (and I have time to absorb it all).

If you want to know what I am talking about, click here. (after you read the first statement, click on the links on the right column to read the other habits).

I cant wait to share with you some of the reflections I have made today - some very personal, some that I haven't shared with anyone before.

Off to dine with Mr. Charles Farnsworth and then "study" for day 2! :)

Shout it from the hill tops

(ok, that was a pun and it was intended!)

After three weeks of agonizing waiting and a really sucky experience with the MRI (imagine face down, feet first all the way in the tube with no where to look but down [and a well padded behind touching the machine the whole time]) the "lump" was definitely a benign cyst! I have an enlarged lymph node but it is within normal range, so we are calling it optomistically good!

Unless I notice any changes of any sort I am in the clear for one more year!

I am 1 - 3/4 years from my 40th birthday when my risk goes from 40% to 60%, but I am already ahead of the game in testing and being prepared, so BRCA2, you can kiss my well padded rear (at least for one more year!)

Going, going, gone...

25 days...

That is how many days it will be until I see my darlin Mantha again. She is at her dads in my home town until school starts. While the time always flies because August is so busy in our household, it still is very lonely without her here! We always miss her much more than we expect to every summer! But we know she has a blast not having daily chores and a mom always at her heels!

Last year I took this picture the day she left. I didn't forget this year - well not totally. I remembered as I drove away. I thought about it a half dozen times before I dropped her off, that counts right?

Jadon will be on his own adventure for 6 days. He will spend a week with his cousin Lainey who is just two months and one day younger than he at my dads cabin. My dad is now of the belief that two kids is better than one - esp two cute almost 7 year olds. Of course my step mother will have many structured activities for the two youngsters, but boat rides, beach time and pretend play will be a plenty!

Too bad both kids will be gone on a very busy week for Jim and I. We really won't get a lot of "just us" time, but that is ok - we are used to it!

I took this picture of Jim and Jadon last weekend. Love it - had to share. I won't tell you what caused the shit eating grin on my husbands face, but suffice it to say it was at my expense!

I got an update from our Treasurer for Relay For Life, and right now we are well over $106K! We have until the 25th of this month to turn our money in and pay our bills. We will for sure net over $100K this year!!! That is down only $4k from last year, and in this economy, that totally ROCKS!!!

I have to share with you a few special moments at this year's Relay...

First, it had been a tough week for me. That Sunday was MckBrunch (which was so much fun!), but it was also the day I found a lump in my breast. I spent the whole week worrying. I had told only four people - my aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer right before my mom died (and the aunt who adopted my first born 21 years ago); my husband; my friend Jeanne; my friend Kim. My doctors appointment yielded positive news - he was sure it was benign. But I still needed an MRI - which I had this past Friday.

What made this night so special was that I was no longer worried about cancer this time. I was confident in the initial diagnosis, and was happy to be alive. Going on 5 years as a survivor, taking that first confident step in the survivors walk with my aunt at my side was even more special this year. For anyone who has had Cancer, you know that 5 years is a huge mile marker. Knowing that this most recent scare was just that made it so much more to me.

Every year two teams go out of their way to support survivors. One hands out purple balloons for survivors to release, the other hands us long stemmed roses. This year Mitz and I waited until we got to where our family was standing - back at our campsite - to release our balloons. Just as we did so, someone else had released a "balloon to Heaven" in memory of someone who had lost their battle. Because we waited to release, ours were the only two purple in the sky at the time - met shortly after by the lonely white balloon. Together the three floated off. We did not see the white balloon right away, so when we looked back up to see if ours were still in sight, we both said in unison "mom sent a balloon down to meet ours" - and then proceeded to bawl like little school girls.

It was symbolic. We always know she is there with us. This time we felt it in so many ways.

Having my pally Kim there was very special to me as well. Kim has never been to a Relay event. She has purchased luminaries in her husbands memory, but she hadn't ever seen them lit. That night she experienced a lot of firsts that brought back very sad memories, and very happy new ones. She got to talk about Bill to others who had been caregivers, and she heard of stories of survival. Her husband and my mother died the same year, he in the spring, her in the fall, and are both buried at a very special cemetery in Minneapolis.

I know she says she was honored to be there, but I was honored to have her there! Kim and I met on our blogs, but became very fast real life, life long friends. While Jim and I worried we bored her to death because we did NOTHING besides eat and sleep - and watch tv - she says she had a blast - so pally, you are welcome anytime!

Jim and I are watching Gran Torino and he is getting tired of me hitting rewind so I had better change my focus! Is it my fault I don't multi task well at 11 at night? BWA!