I don't know what is happening... I feel like everything is falling apart. Not to me personally, but to those around me.
I have posted recently about loss, most recent. I feel like it goes so deep that I cannot seem to find an escape from it.
Two weeks ago, Larry, someone I worked with died suddenly. The following Saturday Larry my neighbor died. Last Sunday someone I have worked with through Relay For Life and a local business died at the age of 30 from a long bout with Cancer. Last night my sister in laws brother died by his own hand.
My friends sister is still hanging on, but not by much of a thread. My friends pain is impossible to witness - she is struggling so.
It is not making sense to me. It all started a little over a month ago with Jim's grandfather. I have never experienced this much loss so close together. 4 deaths in two weeks. People of all ages, people of all levels of relationship.
I don't get it.
My friend Jennifer, who I talk about all the time on my blog, is currently with her baby is fighting for his life. He was flown to Boston this morning to prepare for a surgery that no one wants to perform on his very small 5 month old heart. I am brought to tears almost daily in joy and pain for this sweet baby boy.
One of my best friends who lives half a country away has also been dealt some tragedy with a child. She has three children with PIDD - a disease that prevents their bodies from having an immune system. Her youngest child - 5 years old, just two weeks ago, was kidnapped right in front of her. Thank God he was recovered within a few minutes, but he is now severely traumatized. Afraid to leave the house and be around strangers, afraid of things that most 5 year olds should not have to fear.
Where is this all coming from? One of my friends here in my small town told me I seem to be a magnet for bad kharma. Can that be true?
Today I cannot seem to shake a funk that I have found myself in. I spent several hours with one of my dear friends who is going through a horribly painful separation. She and her husband are one of those couples that others look up to, yet here they are, in a place where many of us have found ourselves before. I had no idea how to console her. I wanted to cry for her, and for all those so close to me that seem to be suffering so.
I can be thankful that right now at least, the relationship with my husband is stable - the most so in the past few years. We still struggle, but we seem to have found a middle ground that has been hard to reach for many years. If I have to hang on to something for safety and comfort, I am glad it can he that.