The waiting game...

As we wait to bring Bruce home, I wonder why... Why when a family is riddled with grief does it have to be such a struggle to bring a loved one home? Why does the bureaucracy of paperwork - a simple document - a death certificate - have to be the one thing that holds us from returning Bruce home to his family? Has there not been enough pain?

I have so many thoughts flooding my head...
Why do I have to bury another parent... I lost my mother at the young age of 54. It was not her time in our minds, but we don’t get to make those decisions. Now I bury parent #2 - and he was only 59. As my father drove me to the doctor this week; as we talked about Bruce's life, I begged, pleaded and threatened him if he were to even consider making me do this again...

Shari... I haven't had the will or the strength to call you. I know you need to hear and feel the support, but I think I am afraid it will make it real. You know it is here, waiting until I see you again. You sat by your brothers side so strong and valliant listening to words spewed from mouths of countless doctors that you would rather never had the opportunity to meet.

Shari, Bruces only sibling, is now burying the last of where she came from. She lost her mother years ago, many more then I have known her and Bruce. And Leonard, their adorable, quirky, grumpy and loveable father, passed almost 5 months to the day before mom. And now Bruce. The brother who would never tell her what we all knew. I hope she knew it, and I hope she still does. Shari, you were the earth, and the moon, and the stars in the skies to your brother. He did not express it well, but it was in his heart, and it was in his soul. He loved you beyond the horizon

Jim, Eric and Ellie... I know that your love will keep each other strong. I love you all with all my heart, and have felt you all as part of MY family since the day mom and Bruce met. It will never change. When we meet again, that bond will become stronger as we all together send Bruce home to mom.

The funeral… will I be able to see him one last time? Do I want to? Will I remember some of the people that will remember me? All of the military friends that cared so much for our family in good times and bad. Will I be able to remember them all?

The cemetery... Bruce will be buried with Military Honor at Fort Snelling in the same spot that mom was buried 6 years ago. You see, to bury Bruce with mom, they need to open her grave. And that scares me so. So much that as I write it, once again I am in tears. I know that it won’t unearth her. I know that it will place their bodies together for eternity. And in my Catholic belief, I know it is just a formality anyway, because I know they have been together since his last breath. But will one sadness overwhelm the other?

Owed to the joy...

The “cool dad”…
Bruce was not my father by birth, he is not even a father figure I grew up with. Bruce came into my mother’s life late in my life. I already had a father who I adored and thought was the moon and much more. I didn't need another father. But I got one, and I am honored to be able to call him "dad" (especially when it embarrassed the crap out of him – at the Legion when were around his friends – or around his colleagues). Bruce was the kind of "dad" that had he come into my life at a young age would have been the envy of all my friends (and the rue of their parents!). I guess its best said that he was a "cool dad" – no matter what age I was – (maybe because he didn’t have to deal with the teenage years) because he was more of a friend then a dad.

Memories…
Most of my fondest/funniest memories of Bruce included “road tripping”, alcohol of some sort, and mom and I riding in the back of one of Bruce’s prized possessions with the top down. Bruce was a car enthusiast. His cars were his babies...his cars were well cared for.

The Caddy…
When he first met mom, he had a ginormis 1950 something Cadillac that had a convertible hard top. That was the year that mom drug me along on most of their dates because it was still new, and I guess mom and I had finally reached that “friendship” stage so it was natural for me to be there. The Caddy was never “cool” to me because well, I was 21, and it felt more like driving miss Daisy with Mom and Pop then “hey look at me in this cool car”!

The Lincoln…
Bruce quickly replaced the “Big Boat” for a sportier – maybe younger, sexier version of hot rod – a car that actually became famous after his possession of it. The 1970’s Black Lincoln “low rider”, “ghetto cruiser” whatever his pet name was for it – was a summers worth of showmanship and fun for Bruce and mom, but it wasn’t quite the “it” car for them. It was like a mid life crisis that was made in haste, but was fun none the less. It was even more fun once it was sold! An enthusiast from CA or NY, I can’t remember the coast, purchased said cruiser after seeing it at the Fathers Day Car Show at the Stone Arch Bridge. What no one knew at the time was that this enthusiast was also a Rock and Roll Producer – for the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS! That car was in at least one video that we know of (at one time we had an uncut full production copy of the video). When mom and I found out about the video, I found the name of the company, and for his 50th Surprise Party, I made sure we had that video in hand. Bruce, with cigar in his mouth and scotch in his hand and pride gleaming from ear to ear watched the video with his friends – in his GARAGE of course!

The Bug…
The “volks-vagen” as mom called it, was close to tops on her list and his. A 1960’ish candy apple red Volkswagen convertible, the “Bug” quickly became a family favorite – and I mean FAMILY. Remember those 7 siblings of mom’s and their children? I am not sure that there were many that hadn’t snuck behind the wheel at some point in its existence. If they were too young to ride up front, then they sat on (not in) the back – like it was a parade every day. Many an Okabena 4th of July Parade was graced by its and our presence!

Side note… I spoke to my aunt Mitz tonight, and something she said to me sums up Bruce to a tee. Bruce was very generous. Even with his prized possessions. These cars were babied more then most of us as small children. But when someone mentioned how “cool” that car is Bruce would slide the keys across the bar or table or toss them in the air with a “wanna take it for a ride”?

The Thunderbird…
The true apple of mom’s eye was the dream that he made come true for her on their 5th wedding anniversary. See, mom had a dream for as long as I can remember… She always wanted a 1956 Thunderbird in its original namesake color. For most of my childhood my dad would take my brother and I to buy the perfect “model” of the car. She always loved them, and they always adorned book shelves and reminded her of her dream that she was sure would some day come true. Just before their 5th Anniversary mom was diagnosed for the first time with Breast Cancer, stage 4B. Even though we knew she would get better, I think Bruce saw that as his chance to make her dream come true. She had that car by late spring. On the day of their 5th Anniversary, July 15th 2000, my brother Ted drove his new bride Theresa from the church to their reception in that blue beauty. It was a day that Bruce could have shown off mom’s new prize, but in true generosity, he let her son do it in her honor (besides, it would have messed up her hair!).

The Thunderbird was not the last of Bruce’s “hot rides”, but it was the last of my memories of them, and probably the most vivid. Because one year after he bought that car for mom, he was taking his bride on her last rides in it. Mom’s cancer came back in 2001, and this time it was terminal. My most vivid memories of mom in her dream was with no hair and no care. She was happy. She had her dream man, and her dream car, and he made sure that she was able to go for a ride whenever she felt up to it. She had scarves and hats and clothes to match. He paraded his prized “women” not with attitude and ego, but with love and pure affection.

… that was Bruce…

Cars were not all that Bruce was about, and there are a ton of memories that don’t involve cars, but tonight my ramblings and my memories keep trailing back to them.

I hope she won’t mind, but I am stealing a quote from Mitz, because I think this is how most of us envisioned the reuniting of mom and Bruce this past Sunday evening…

“I believe in a lot of things. When I headed east to Mom's this morning at 7:00 a.m., I noticed how beautiful the sky was - I believe it was because of the reuniting of Bruce and Elaine and they wanted to share their happiness with us.

I also believe that when we go to Heaven, we leave all of our infirmities here. I hope there are backroads, rock & roll music, classic cars and good cigars in Heaven so Elaine and Bruce can motor down their own Route 66.”

As we remember his life, one more thing reminds us all of how generous Bruce was… Bruce was an organ donor. So much as I believe Bruce was mom’s vessel to the living, I believe that all of those who receive a piece of him will be his vessel to life. I hope that one day they will find that overwhelming urge to travel Route 66 with the top down, and in that happiness, they will bring piece of him back to the places he loved.