owed to joy...

Week 7: Namibia update from Alexandra Diemer

2010-04-29T12:09:00.001-05:00

One word sums it up wholy....

Proud.

That is what I am of this young lady...

Alex has been gone now almost 11 weeks. She has experienced things many of us never will. I hope it clearly guides her to where she wants to be in the future. I never imagined 21 1/2 years ago when my aunt and uncle adopted my baby girl that this is what her future would hold!

No matter the outcome of her study in another world, proud is what I will always be of her.

Here is her submission to the study she is on:

Week 7: Namibia update from Alexandra Diemer

Posted using ShareThis

Love you girl!

post edit: While this submission was entered on April 7th, she has only very limited access to the internet, so there was a 3 week delay in it getting to Facebook this morning!

REPOST: Happy Memory-versary Pally!

2010-04-28T06:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Memory-versary to a very special friend. Someone who has loved so much and lost so much more. Someone who took more than half her lifetime to find the one. Someone who had to say good bye to him far too soon.

May she find peace and love in all the memories of his sweet life, and find joy in what they had together, and what he left behind for the rest of us to share in and love.

Happy Anniversary Pally!

In Loving Memory of CJ Twomey

2010-04-18T23:08:00.001-05:00

Written in Loving Memory of Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey on behalf of Hallie, John and Connor Twomey by Dayna and Kimmy.

Words are at times, inadequate, and often hard to come by. This is the hardest thing we have ever had to write. It is with deep sadness that we tell you that on April 15th, Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey, the beloved son of Hallie and John, big brother to Connor, passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind his heart-broken family and friends.

Please take a moment to read C.J.'s obituary. In the middle of all their saddness, Hallie and John were able to find the strength to write a beautiful and loving tribute to their amazing son.

Those who loved C.J. are left to miss his infectious smile, to wish to hold him again, to have him saunter into a room and make us all laugh. We wish we could talk to him, to watch him love the way that he did, with his whole heart. In short, those who loved C.J. are longing for the future we were all supposed to have with him. Hallie and John are heart-broken, are struggling to understand the events of the past week and are focusing on making sure their son Connor, who has shown grace and maturity well beyond his 16 years, knows and feels the love of his parents at this very difficult time.

Hallie, John and Connor have received an overwhelming amount of support over the last week from friends nearby who have stood with them through horrific circumstances, to the calls of support and the messages sent through text, email, Facebook and many other mediums. They know that so many of you are hurting as well.

Even in the mist of incomprehensible pain, Hallie and John continue to think of others. Despite their own pain, they remembered the pain of Hallie’s dad as he was waiting for a heart and became a recipient himself. In C.J.'s final hours, Hallie and John made the heroic decision to donate his organs. This week, 56 families felt the joy of hope for their family, even in the darkest moments for C.J.’s family.

Many have asked what they can do for the family and we have thought of a few suggestions:

1. Pray for comfort. Hallie, John, Connor and their extended family have pain that is indescribable; please offer up prayers that comfort can come to them.

2. Continue to send messages of support. The messages of support they have received mean more than they can express right now. Messages sent through Facebook, her Blog, or for those who have the ability, text messages of support are appreciated. While they are not able to respond, they are reading them, and it does lift them in support when one more step or one more breath seems like it’s just too much to take.

3. Make a donation. Kimmy and I have set up a fund called the "Twomey Family Benefit” for the family to use as they see fit – for funeral expenses, for a memorial for C.J. or maybe even to just be able to get away as a family and spend time grieving the loss of their beloved son. Many of us felt the need to do SOMETHING, and being far away, and knowing that we can't take away the emotional burden, this felt like something we could do to help.

If you are inclined to make a donation, you can simply walk it into any TD Bank and ask to make a donation to the "Twomey Family Benefit" (these exact words must be used). If, however, you do not have a TD Bank near you (as they are only located on the East Coast) you can simply mail a check to:

TD Bank

200 US Route 1

Falmouth, ME 04105

The checks should be made payable to the: “Twomey Family Benefit” and should also include those exact words in the memo line of the check.

Any questions can be directed to Kimmy at: kimmy@maine.rr.com

We know that this time, for all of us, is shocking and difficult to comprehend a life cut so short. We hope and pray that you can take a moment to hold those you love tight, tell them you love them and cherish every moment.

Love like C.J. did, with his whole heart, and give to others freely.

May we all find comfort...

Dayna & Kimmy

THIS FRIDAY:

If you are so inclined, please dedicate a post to CJ's Memory by placing a post titled:

Remembering CJ Twomey on your blog, and linking to Hallie's blog at: http://www.wonderfulworldofwieners.blogspot.com/

There is also Facebook Group in Memory of CJ

If you are on Facebook, and would be willing, we are also all changing our profile pictures to this photo in support of the family:

To Hallie, John, Connor and the rest of the Twomey family, may the love in our hearts, the prayers from our lips and the arms we hold outstretched comfort you in this time of pain. We love you!

Getting closer...

2010-03-27T23:22:00.001-05:00

To my return... started with a new header and background!

I am so fickle...

2010-03-02T19:45:00.000-06:00

Kind of like the girl that falls in love with a boy and ignores all of her friends because the boy is all she can pay attention to.

Kind of like the lioness stalking the lone rabbit while there is a herd of gazelle's grazing nearby because she doesn't see past her nose.

Kind of like the blogger that met facebook and ignored her blog for 2 months and 3 days.

Not to mention all of her bloggy friends.

I am so fickle.

So, if I come back to this lonely ol'blog, will there be anyone to talk to?

We shall see.

I suppose I should get rid of my fall header and holiday background too huh?

All in due time, all in due time!

50 things

2009-12-29T12:18:00.000-06:00

HA! You didn't really think I would be chatty today did you?

HA! HA!

Nope, instead I am just posting a link to an article I discovered on MSN this morning that I love (if only I would have thought of some of this stuff!)

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-home/cleaning-organizing/staticslideshowrs.aspx?cp-documentid=21889122>1=32001

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T11:15:00.001-06:00

My Christmas wish for you is that you all receive the love and joy of family and friends without want!

My Christmas wish for me (and anyone in the Midwest for that matter) is that all radio/television/news people C.A.L.M. down. Quit guessing at how much snow we are going to get. Changing it every 2-3 hours does not make the god's of winter and Mother Nature change their wiley ways. It will fall. It will stop. When, where and how it will end no one knows. So quit telling us what you "think" will happen.

If I hear one more time we are getting AN ADDITIONAL 18-23" on top of the 7 we got yesterday and the 4 we got on Sunday I may really cry. They *may* be tears of joy, they may not!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

It could really look a lot like Christmas (in my house and YOURS!)

2009-12-09T13:47:00.000-06:00

My friend Jennifer does a lot of great give aways - many of which do not fit my 12 year old daughter, or 7 year old son. But the one she is hosting RIGHT NOW that YOU can win a chance at is something WE ALL could use!

Co-Sponsored by HP and BlogHer, Jennifer is hosting an awesome giveaway for an HP SmartTouch computer!!!

Check it out! There are several ways you can enter to win!

Good Luck! And wish me luck too!

Broken fingers, Broken relationships, Broken hearts

2009-12-03T10:25:00.001-06:00

On Sunday morning Jim and I attempted a new line of work - chimney cleaning. My pinky didnt survive it. Jim on the roof, me in the family room. He was pulling the rope from up top, I was pulling it from below. I had to wrap the rope around my hand and pull because the brush got stuck. He started pulling before I unwrapped. At first I thought he just had the end of the glove. Broke it just above the top knuckle. Snapped it back in wrong and pinched off a vein - got it all aligned at the Doctor on Monday but also severed the finger nail under the skin so it will eventually fall out. 4 days later it still hurts just a TINY (very large!) bit! Guess I will stick to my day job!

This weekend my husbands side will be at our house for our annual Christmas gathering. I am struggling with an issue with my mother in law that I don't know how to rectify. I feel like if I share my thoughts I will cause more friction. The issue shouldn't even exist. Its minute. But it is causing her a lot of dispair. I want to take the high road and tell her she is right so the issue is dropped, but the fact of the matter is, she is not. I heard from others in the family that she may not enjoy the weekend because of it, and she won't talk to my husband because she thinks we are trying to rile her up - which if she would give us 5 minutes to explain she would find we are not... Ugh!

There is are issues that have been ongoing on with one of my friends that is makes me want to go all postal - because I KNOW she does not deserve it! I have expressed my feelings to her and to the people who are brow beating her, but it truly breaks my heart that so many people can find joy in bringing her down publicly. She is a much better person than I because she is taking it in stride. Interestingly, the group that is making it their mission to make her their punching bag is now hiding from public view themselves. I find that interesting.

BUT ITS SNOWING and that makes it all better!

Giant Chickens, crossed fingers, public speaking and am I blind?

2009-11-19T23:38:00.001-06:00

This morning when Jadon made his ~~annual~~ morning trek to daddy's side of the bed to "just rest my head one more minute", I shared with him the ca-ra-zy dream I had just awoken from.

I was dreaming about our home (even though it looked more like this amazing place I keep dreaming about - is that a sign that some day it will be mine?). We had just tucked Jadon in for the night. He came trodding out of his bed to tell us there was a strange scratching noise on his ceiling - he was sure it was mice, rats, or squirrels (if only he knew that none of those would be allowed in this amazing place I keep dreaming about). After searching the attic (because that is what we do), we went outside. By now the entire neighborhood has joined us on the street, looking back at my home (of my dreams) to find a giant chicken on the roof. When I say giant I mean GIANT.

When we reached the street, just to the north of us a giant black creature with a bushy black tail ran past us - upright in an unnatural state, accosting our neighbors roof.

Suddenly as if the skies parted, there were white balls of something appearingly falling from the heavens. But the large chunks of hail were really eggs. The chicken was throwing EGGS at us! When it ran out of eggs, it started throwing the bricks from our chimney. Its black hairy friend next door was doing the same.

In his defense, I know this is not how my husband would have reacted, but it was my dream remember, and therefore I must tell it as it was... My husband darted across the drive to be at my side - me thinking he had Jadon in his arms. I was so very wrong. Jadon was still out in the street playing dodgeball with bricks and other flying foreign objects - Jim was scared and didn't want to get hit.

Then out of nowhere, like a knight in shining armor, my mothers brother Ed appeared. He swooped down and grabbed Jadon from his hovering spot in the street and dropped him gently next to me before crashing to the ground...

and then my alarm went off....

So tonight as I was driving home I realized that we don't have a sitter for Satruday night... So I sent a text to my adorable cousin Sarah Belle (who is more like a little sister - kind of like her twin, and my cousin Chrissy - I just adore them all!) and said exactly this: "come over and babysit for me on Saturday, k?" - only she lives like 140 miles away in a 4th floor dorm (with no elevators yo - it was not fun moving her in I tell ya - my old lazy butt does not do 4 flights of stairs). She still said "yes" - if she can catch a ride from someone who lives close. I hope she can come - we have so much fun with Sarah!

Here is to hoping! (oooohhhh my nails look nasty....)

I mean really - who wouldn't want to spend a few days with these two clowns?

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from our former American Cancer Society Relay For Life Rep. She was very kindly, and in a round a bout way, asking me to speak at the Regional Roundtable Conference on Saturday.

Being the ever people pleaser that I try to be I conceded. This afternoon I received a call from her counterpart to go over the emailed materials they want me to share with not one, but two break out sessions - each an hour long, on Saturday morning and afternoon. I have so much prep work to do, but until an hour ago my laptop was receiving a much needed lobotomy. Thank goodness the school tech person is a genius!

If I have many spelling errors in this (or any future) post, I would like to point the finger at the culprit - unless I am blind, it appears that the last time Blogger upgraded they removed Spell Check. Am I blind?

What makes a mother do something like that?

2009-11-17T07:55:00.000-06:00

Every story of child abduction and murder makes me ill.

But the story of Shayina Davis brings me to tears - literally.

Maybe its the pictures of her in the arms of the man who allegedly kidnapped her.

Maybe its the allegations that her (pregnant) mother sold her to sex slavery (just typing that makes me want to vomit).

Maybe its the sweet innocence lost once again to adults who were supposed to be there to protect her.

Watching her father and aunt yesterday on CBS Morning News, the only question I had in my mind is "why did you give her back to her mother?". But that isn't my question to ask. How could they have known. You always hope you have a childs best interest when you leave them with someone you trust.

I normally would not focus on a story like this because there are so many, and that is the job of the news, but something makes me want to scoop up all of these little lost souls and let them know someone cares. It also makes me want to form a posse of "what goes around comes around" and open a rather large can of kick ass on these people (no, I am not normally a violent person).

It just makes me so sad. So sickened.

Outstanding! A+

2009-11-16T22:13:00.001-06:00

That is what the note said on the report that Mantha brought home today from school.

This is why...

The project called for a "diorama" of one of the stops of the Ojibwe on their way to Minnesota. Mantha chose Niagra Falls. Instantly ideas were pumping through my brain - what we could use, how it could look. But I was forgetting this was her project. So I let her creativity take hold. I spawned some ideas of course by providing the tools/supplies, and together, we built Niagra Falls with Mod Podge colored with blue food coloring covering baby fleece yarn as water, and Floral Moss covering the tops of twigs and sticks as tree's. Luckily we have a friend who owns a gift store and has a plethora of styrofoam.

So ~~our~~ her project got not only an "A", but an Outstanding "A+".

To those kids who brought blueberry muffins (a state symbol?) I chuckle. How you got an "A" I will never understand, as you and your mothers did not have much time to bond on a beautiful Sunday now did you?

Bad mom, I know! I will repent by guiding my daughter to another "A+" with the cover of her autobiography...

I only helped a little... I promise!

REPOSTING: Memorial to my Step Father Bruce Leonard Snyder

2009-11-11T22:19:00.001-06:00

Two years ago today I lost my step father Bruce. He was the light of my mothers life, and he was an amazing man. Sometimes his zest for life drove me crazy - because he spent a lot of time flying by the seat of his pants - no schedules, living life as it came to him. But I also respected that, and was envious of that ability. It has taken two years, but I think I have finally accepted that he has left us.

Today is the day that we honor and remember all of our Veterans. The best Veteran I know went to be with his beloved wife, my mother, on this day. What a victory for him!

REPOSTING November 11, 2007

As I try and wrap myself around the news I have received of my step fathers passing, I must remember the joy...

Bruce was his name, and life was his game. Bruce was a hard working, even harder playing man who found his way into our hearts more than 15 years ago... boy has time flown!

"The Set Up"

In May of 1992 after a little planning, and a little scheming, Bruce's friend Donny, and I planned the perfect "set up". But Donny neglected to tell me what Bruce looked like! As we walked into the Legion on May 12, 1992, there sat two men. Good friends they were, but very different.

One wore tatoo's from hither to yawn, drank beer, and swore like a sailor. The other wore a flight suit and a glass of scotch, but was so shy that all he did was giggle! I remember as if it were yesterday, like two school girls, mom and I rushing into the bathroom, both a little giddy (and slightly intoxicated) laughing so hard that we feared peeing our pants, because we had NO IDEA who the guy was I was supposedly setting her up with... Was it the Harley dude or the Army Brat? Note to self, next time ask the co-conspirator the guys NAME!

What we didnt know at the time was that the co-conspirator had already told the smitten gent all about the set up, and the guys were playing us for all we were worth. See, the man cannot be caught off guard, he must always be in control. And they played the game well.

And the best man won...

Bruce, what can I say about him? I loved him, I hated him, I adored him, I respected him, I was amazed by him. I will never forget him.

I loved him... for loving my mom unconditionally. He was there in her spirit, in her smile, in her laughter, and sometimes in her tears.

I hated him... for sometimes taking life not serious enough. Is that his fault? Not at all. Did it harm anyone? Only him. "In the moment" was Bruces style, and sometimes "in the moment" meant missing something that was coming at him like a runaway freight train. He lived his life like he wanted, and sometimes that meant not seeing the big picture. But it was his life to live, and he lived to its best!

I adored him... Bruce loved and lived with all his heart. When Bruce married mom, he married so much more. He instantly became "dad" to two adult children who would not allow him to forget his place in their hearts. He also became "brother" to 7 of moms siblings, their spouses and children, and we cannot forget, "son" to Margaret, and "son" to Olga, whose life he was only able to touch for a very short time. Bruce soon became "grandpa" to three adorable children who loved him dearly, and he them.

I respected him... How could you not respect a man who put his life in his own hands and lived, and lived and lived... He knew what he wanted, and he made sure he got it. He knew who he was, and he never let anyone tell him different. How can you not respect a man who knew how to live life to its fullest?

I was amazed by him... How can you not be?

I will miss him... Anytime you lose someone you love, you miss them, that is obvious, that is part of loving. His laugh... devious and obnoxious, and at sometimes came at moments when you knew he would rather cry. His smile... usually was followed by the above noted laugh! His eyes... you could see his soul in his eyes. He may have presented with a tough guy image, but you saw the soul that screamed love and devotion when you looked into those beautiful frosty blues!

What I will miss the most... what I saw present everytime I looked into his eyes was the love of his life. She was there always. He never left her behind. He carried her with him. He was her vessel to the living. He carried his father in those eyes too. Leonard, I have decided over the years, was the devious side of Bruce, and Mom was the devotion in him. I will miss all of him. His quirks, his love and his laughter. Bruce was the best step father I could have ever asked for.

So as I share in the sadness, the "life" of his life, I also share the "joy". The joy that Bruce brought to my life, and to my family's life, and to all those who knew him.

Bruce we all love you and will miss you, but we are all so happy that you are back in the arms of the one you lived for.

Thank you for gracing my life - love, your bratty kid.

Miracle

2009-11-09T21:45:00.002-06:00

Today has been emotional to say the least. This morning my dear friend Jennifer stood by her baby Stellan's side as his heart stopped beating. Blood pressure gone, heart silent.

If you don't believe in Miracles, then you have never read my blog, nor have you read Jennifer's blog. Because if you have, you would know a miracle by name.

Stellan

Life returned to Stellan's heart. Life returned to Jennifer's hope.

The day was not easy once that life was reborn into him. In fact to say the least, it continued to teeter on the edge. Surgery was started, but there were complications. Well laid plans were halted by stubborn pathways and arteries. Once underway things were still not under control.

Then a miracle happened.

Lots of leaves and even more Jen(ny)(ies)

2009-11-08T11:41:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was very productive... Up at the crack of early, for the first time in 7 years, we all participated in the much dreaded fall clean up - back yard style.

Our works in pictures...

Before...

This is actually the leaves on our neighbors yard - but ours looked just like it...

After...

Another year of failed grass growing under our belts!

The jumping pile after it was all jumped out...

Wagons for everyone...

The Crew Supervisor

The Waitress (aka slept in and came out in time to serve beverages - meaning all the work was done)

That smile? It was relief that she didn't have to rake!

The Leaf Mover

The Digger

(that really his is nickname, so this picture was too perfect! Who would think those little legs could make such big holes!)

Let me out!

Daschel was exiled to the deck because he thought the piles were for play!

I will admit there was a little bribery involved in the crew's willingness to help us. This under recognized iconic locale known as McDonalds. It kept them going until pre-wilting due to starvation. Post bribery naps were had by all!

After naps and laziness concluded I had a date with some of my good friends for a birthday! A small girls night out turned into a rompin', bar hoppin' (lots of drivin' to other small towns) and tons of jukebox playin', dancin', laughin', not just for girls night out. Unfortunately some of us did not know boys were allowed until we were already piling into cars like clowns, so the Crew Supervisor was stuck with daddy duty.

Lots and lots of Jen(ny)(ies) were out to play last night. Jen, Jenny and Jennie were in prime form. Susie and Nicole wore out the dance floor. Lee and Troy were embarrassed by the whole lot, Dave and Rod tried to keep up, Steve and Michelle caught up to us at our last resort, and Ben, well he showed up late for the party too but was already 12 sheets to the wind.

It was fun, I am amazed I am not hurting right now. When I arrived home at 2 am, my husband was still awake. It has been said that I was very chatty upon arrival. Could it be that my last two beverages included passion fruit rum and Red Bull?

Happy Birthday Susie!

To ensure that Jennie does not double book, I wrote down our next two dates for her on a bar napkin - now I have witnesses lest she forgets!

Bag of Bones

2009-10-31T23:15:00.000-05:00

Mantha is with her dad tonight, so I hope to get a picture of her in costume - I don't even know what she decided to go as...

But, my little bag of bones was here to trick or treat

Please don't mind the messy mail basket next to us, or my dissheveled "Saturday" look, nor the fact that we tried to catpure the glow on Jadon's face, and the fact that Jim has not yet mastered taking pictures with is BlackBerry...

Hope you all had a SPOOKtacular Halloween! I also hope we don't have a repeat of last year...

White House Pink Ribbon

2009-10-29T10:48:00.001-05:00

Photo courtesy of AP

Read more about this photo and the following line here!

"CBS News White House correspondent Mark Knoller reports that the ribbon couldn't be hoisted last week because the driveway was being repaved."

That cracks me just a little. Priorities. Maybe next year it can go up all month!

A lunar mission

2009-10-27T22:40:00.010-05:00

We have found ourselves in great need of a new dishwasher. Our old (not so old - only 3 year old) dishwasher has laid out its plans to launch to the moon with each press of "start" on its controls.

It gets so loud and hisses so that I get headaches listening!!! I love to wash dishes by hand, but with fibromyalgia, I cannot stand over the sink for more than a few minutes.

Its looking as though my new sofa is now going to be a new dishwasher.

Unless of course, I would happen to win one of the lovely $200 Best Buy gift certificates that my good friend Jennifer is giving away on her blog!

Are you in need of a new Samsung appliance from Best Buy? Then swing on over to Jennifers blog, and leave her a comment! If you REALLY need a new Samsung appliance, then read the other ways you can win! There are many!!!

If you happen to have a desire to donate a fine sofa to my cause, please note that I like comfy, slightly overstuffed but not too tall, or deep, because of my verticle challenge and all. Oh, and the color? Well as long as it goes with my red antique persian rug, red and green walls and has a little exposed wood (it is a family room after all!) I will be ever so happy with it!

If not, well, don't complain when you come to visit and sink too deeply into my worn out cushions, and don't make fun of my attempt to wrap the seat cushions in new covers, I did that only for your safety - I have no idea if those marker, and crayon stains will attack your rear end or not (it is a family room after all!)!

Not Me! Monday

2009-10-26T11:30:00.077-05:00

Its been a while old "Not Me! Monday" friend. But know you have never strayed from my thoughts. It could be the lack of Cheeto eating breakfasts and the missing morning dates with my laptop that have caused me to stray, but today my dear "Not Me! Monday" friend, I honor you!

Because it has been a while, I will share with you once again the origins of Not Me! Monday. My good friend Jennifer designed this blog carnival of sorts to relieve the burdon of holding on to things she just needed to let loose! She was so kind to pass on the cost savings to her friends and fellow readers, and it is now an international success!

Last week I did not stay in bed nearly every morning until literally the moment before I needed to load the kids in the car because shocker I stayed awake too late. I did not also beg my darling 12 year old to help her adorable 7 year old brother get cereal so I could lavish myself in said luxury.

I did not forget to bring my Abstract to the Attorney, I also did not forget to email my Board their minutes on Thursday afternoon for the Board Meeting we have tomorrow at noon. I am not forgetful.

Now where was I?

I did not wear out 2 pens, use up 4 Sheraton Hotel note pads, and go through countless pages of note paper at this weekends Midwest Division Relay For Life Leadership Summit! I also did not take notes on every cotton pickin' piece of paper I was given in my breakout sessions. I do not have so many new ideas for next years event that I am going to have to put them in an interest survey and bribe my committee with copius amounts of chocolate to get them to agree to add a few things!

Gross alert! Gross alert!

I most certainly did not accidentally grab the bottle of stool softeners (they stay with me after the narcotic induced obstruction I had last year!) in my purse instead of the Advil I thought was in my purse, and take 3 before noticing my mistake during the opening ceremony on Friday. They did not kick in this afternoon when I was at a meeting with two of my local committee members. I did not make up an excuse for having to leave because I was "suddenly not feeling well", when really, I did not want to use the bathroom of the restaurant we were at.

Gross alert over...

I did not literally chew my tongue raw on Thursday afternoon when following a meeting with the schools about a new program we are trying to do together, Mantha's Social Worker pulled me aside to tell me the results of her case study.

I did not want to throw up when she told me that the Autism Specialist not only confirmed her initial diagnosis of Aspergers, but actually has placed her a little higher on the Autism Scale.

I did not choke back tears when she told me that while there are signs that her brain IQ is well over 125 (she is testing in the next few weeks), they believe her social IQ is more that of a 5 year old (also testing in the next few weeks).

I did not try to hide all of that in a Not Me! post because it is easier to sound like you are not in denial when you are in denial of doing those very things.

Energized, Excited... oh, and Exhausted!

2009-10-25T20:40:00.008-05:00

If you know me at all, or have read my side bar, you know that I am a passionate Cancer Research Fundraising Advocate.

I am going into my 3rd year as Chair of my counties Relay For Life. A Relay I am extremely proud of.

I just got back from a very powerful, very energized, very exciting Midwest Relay For Life Leadership Summit. A Summit I have attended for 5 years now. A Summit that I have often times walked away from upset because I was missing that one little thing that I just could not put my finger on. This year, I can honestly say....

I have so many new ideas in my book of ideas that I will have to stay on the committee for at least 300 more years just to do them all! I am so energized that all I can think about is what we can do, and how can we get it done, and where am I going to find people to help.

I also made a decision to share my story. Because this year the American Cancer Society is the proud sponsor of more Birthdays, and....

I also decided that this year I was going to go about my own personal fundraising differently, starting with my goal. I have always set it at the standard $100. This year I am celebrating 5 YEARS CANCER FREE so why not go all out, and raise the bar a little... or in the case of what I decided to raise, a lot...

This year I am starting early, and I am GOING to raise:

Because I am exhausted from being so energized and excited, I am not going to go into great detail tonight, but I am excited to share with you that our little county ranked:

In case you were wondering (because I now have YOU all excited)... in 2010 my little tiny county is going to break:

And because I don't want to end this post tooting my own horn, the MIDWEST DIVISION (Minnesota, Wisconsin, South Dakota and Iowa) ranked overall:

... and kicked the reigning champions out of the coveted spot they have held for more years that I have been Relaying (this will be my 6th year).

Doesn't that just give you goose bumps???

All that excitement has made me exhausted!

It deserves its own post!

2009-10-12T10:46:00.000-05:00

This is just so cute that I have to give it its own post!

HAPPY BIRTDAY BABY BOY!!!

Friends, family and another Birthday!

2009-10-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

On Friday night I had the pleasure of joining a group of friends and fellow bloggers at this amazing place. Of course my good friend Jennifer aka MckMama was behind the arrangements of the wonderful evening:

I finally got to meet some of the people that I have gotten to know so well over this past year, and some new friends that I have met again! Tina, Heidi (one of the first ever blogs I read), Christy, Kami, and Kerry.

I spent more than a half hour chit chatting about my old "hood" with the husband of someone I didn't recognize. Chatting with both of them for quite a bit longer, Janelle (who came all the way from Iowa to see us, and ) came over and joined in the laughs. After a short time she said, I have been looking for one person, and tried to get online to look at her blog so I could see her picture again - "has anyone met Justlori2day yet?"

She and Shannon apparently were both looking for this illusive person! It was quite funny because Shannon and I have been commenting back and forth through email and blog comments, but we didn't realize we were who we were!

Thanks again Janelle - I hope you made it home safely (and thanks again for the song)!!!

There was one lady I was dying to meet - she has sent me some inspirational emails over the past few weeks, especially while I was reminscing my mothers last days. So I looked for her - and found her many times - but kept getting caught up in other conversations and missed her all together. But in true Mela fashion, she has already emailed me, she is going to mail me one of her CD's, just because that is the kind of person she is! I cannot wait!

So many ladies (and brave husbands and adorable baby's) yet, so little time! I know I missed many of them in my comments here, but I hope you all know how much fun it was to meet you all! If you were there on Friday and donated a hat to Jen's Pediatric Cancer Hat Drive and did not receive one of these

Please contact me!

After leaving Mudd Lake, I drove to one of my most favorite places on this earth - to my aunt and uncles cabin on the same lake that we summer at every year. My family joined me the next morning, including my brother, sister in law, and niece Lainey:

Twice a year we (in which I mean Jim) find ourselves (again, Jim) wading through icy waters to tend to the dock. This time it happened to be on a weekend when we had SNOW on the ground and temps in the 30's.

Our brave men (Jim and my brother), or suckers (as you will see in a moment), donned leaky mice nibbled on waders (with footies) and wandered into the friggid cold lake.

Like that hat? Um yeah, we don't know who that guy was - he just sort of snuck into the frigidly cold lake, took my husbands nibbled on leaky footed waders, and helped my brother remove the dock from the lake. Where was Jim during this? We think a rabbit ate him.

Last but not least, we have another birthday in our house.

Can you guess who it belongs to?

I will give you a hint....

If you guessed it was this little fella, you were right!

Happy 7th Birthday big boy!!! I love you!

MUDD LAKE POST COMING SOON!

2009-10-11T20:35:00.002-05:00

It was so much fun! Watch for the post on Sunday night!

Tormenting (me) Tuesday

2009-10-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

Its still raining.

Its.

Still.

Raining.

Still.

Its.

This:

Makes me laugh!

Is it possible to have rain brain?

2009-10-05T11:37:00.005-05:00

It has rained here for 3,672 (or 6) days straight! No kidding! We are like a big ol wet squishy mess here in ~~sunny~~ cloudy Minnesota!

Now I love me fall and winter. Summer, not so much. However, I do not love being wet. All. The. Time. Cold is one thing, cold and wet is a whole other beast, and let me tell you, it is COLD and WET! My bones asked for a towel earlier - and a warm blanket. You would think I was some teensy skinny little thing for how chilled I am, but apparently the inherent value of my fat storage is not up to code any longer.

The gloom is making me tired. The cold is making me shiver. The rain is hypnotizing me. When people "stop by" and ask me technical questions (like what is my name) I just stare at them blankly and say "huh?".

Kind of like this day....

So I ask friends, can I use the excuse I have rain brain today?

(BTW, I have reinstated my Disqus Comments because it is easier to respond to questions on - I got rid of it because all two of you who read my blog hated it, but lately I have new friends, and they are using it too so well, three trumps two (bwahahahahaha!) smooches!)

Sermons, Widows and Strangers

2009-10-04T21:11:00.008-05:00

We went to church this morning for the first time since June. We haven't been to our church since quite possibly in March when Lawrence died. We just can't remember.

Just as our younger than me - more traditional than the Pope - Priest ended his first sentence with "Chapter 1", I looked at Jim and he mouthed to me... "every time"!

What he means is this. We are regular "seasonal" church goers. Our seats are vacant all summer, and while most often it takes a few weeks to get in the groove, we are fairly regular in fall and winter.

We always seem to "go back" the first Sunday in October. Of course we never put two and two together until we are in the pew. October is "childrens rights month" in our small town Catholic Church, and our Priest has a humdinger of a "program" (as he calls it) for each Sunday of the month.

Of course that means that we will hear all about our role as Catholics to avoid the evils of contraception and abortion, not to mention the evils of artificial ways of conception and non medically emergent surgeries to alter our abilities to bear children.

Today's sermon, Jim and I decided, was adlibbed when Father saw us enter his holy house, because it included the evil of preventing our children their privilege to "come to Jesus".

We felt the heat of the spotlight over our little corner of the pew. Father started off the discussion by thanking all of the GOOD parents for bringing their children to church every Sunday. Even when they are whiny, crabby or downright unruly (which BTW, he has no patience for unruly children). Then he proceeded to gently in not so much as so much a damnation with pointed finger and spooky wheredidthatcomefrom voice from the Heavens remind those of us who are not bringing our offspring to Jesus every weekend that we are denying our children the privilege of knowing Him.

I felt as though I was his only audience member.

Of course when it was time to take the Eucharist, it was as though the seas parted and I ended up right smack dab in front of the very man who just told me I was sinning and calling me practically by name. Why oh why couldn't that little old couple in front of me go straight instead of turn? I was so close to being off the hook!

Seriously, I am sure that Father did not intend to make me feel such a spectical. But he sure knew how to lay that Catholic guilt on thick this morning.

In order to avoid eye contact with our young, uber traditional Priest, I found myself perusing the perishoners ahead of me. Taking note of how small todays crowd was I was particualarly aware of the large number of blue haired women sans their partners. It is not surprising. The widows out number widowers, and vastly out number the couples of advanced age in our community. It goes without saying that rows six and seven on either side are mostly considered "widows row". Many are friends by circumstance - traditionally not friends before their loss.

When we went to brunch at my friend Jeanne's coffee house, many of them were dining at the large table next to us. Two of them very new to their new way of life.

It was sad and comforting all the same. I am glad they have each other. I am sad they have suffered such great pain. I hope when I am their age, I will be one of the few that out rank those who have lost their spouse. If I am not that lucky, I hope I have the same network of support.

So how does spooky strangers tie into all of this? It doesn't. But I beg you to heed this warning...

If you are home alone. If your spouse is away for the night and you are easily frightened by the slightest of sounds (or not), DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT! Watch."The Strangers". ALONE. AT ALL. DO NOT DO IT. Step away from the TV, find something on Disney to watch and believe me when I say, DO NOT DO IT!

If you decide I am over exaggerating, if you think I spook easily, or if you are tempted by my threats to see what I am talking about, well, remember this...

DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reposting: 12:57 am, October 3rd, 2001

2009-10-03T00:57:00.003-05:00

Picture cir. 1978

You woke up in pain.

Your nurse came into your room, leaving only to get you pain meds.

She returned at 12:55 am.

She sat next to you for the next two minutes. Watching your breathing labor more and more.

At 12:57 am, while she held your hand, you let go and took His hand.

You were gone.

The phone rang at 1:06 am. I had only just gotten into bed not an hour before. I was spent. Jim, who could sleep through a freight train jolted awake and handed me the phone without answering. He knew. I didn't. It took me totally by surprise.

I thought I had prepared. I had spent months knowing the final outcome. I said good bye to you - asked you to put your sword down - just 27 hours before. But then I had this wonderful evening with you.

And now you were gone.

I had phone calls to make.

No time for tears.

I needed to call Bruce and gram. I had dropped her off at your house just 2 hours before. I didn't want to wake her. I wasn't sure I should. But I did.

I called Ted. He was mad at himself for not spending your last night with you. We thought we had more time.

I called your sister Chris - who lived 6 blocks away and asked her to call your siblings... Dan, Cath, Mitz and Ed. I wanted to be the one that told Mary and Nick. She understood. Then she made the most selfless offer - rather than coming with us to say good bye to you, she came to the house and stayed with Mantha.

Then Jim and I drove, what felt like the longest drive ever. It felt like a normal visit - only at 2 am - and then it hit me - just as we turned on Snelling. It hit so hard that I wanted him to take me home. I wanted to not go where we were going. I want it to not be true.

But he trudged onward knowing I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bruce and gram were there waiting. Ted and Theresa arrived just after we did. We gathered at the end of the hall. Waiting so we could all go in together. But then strangely, they told me to go in first. I think they wanted someone to break the barrier, to make it more real - to make it acceptable.

Because no one wanted to accept it.

I took on this role while you were sick. I became the informer and the enforcer.

I went to all the doctors appointments, asked the hard questions, pushed for more results and made everyone in your charge rue the day they came to work in less than fully submissive to kindness and gentle care.

I pulled the non challant Radiologist out of that first appointment and asked him flat out if you were dying. He tried to stay neutral, he tried to be overly technical - but he didn't know who he was dealing with. I remember the look on his face when I, barely 5'1", knocked his over 6'3" down to size - telling him I didn't to subtle, I didn't do sugar coated. I wanted the truth, and while he thought it was best for you not to know, it wasn't his decision to make.

I verbally chastised your Oncologist for arrogantly admitting he made a mistake when he didn't do a bone scan in February. And then I made him tell you your prognosis, and when he would begin to sugar coat it, I would glare him back into the truth. (He still doesnt like me by the way, but I dont care, I dont like him either - I refuse to see him when my I make my annual trip to the Cancer Center).

I took notes, kept a journal, emailed everyone, and made countless phone calls throughout your illness. I took advice I didn't want to, was yelled at for looking at the illness straight in the eye, and not pretending it wasn't really happening. I told it like it was, and called the naysayers out. I made sure that no one, and I mean no one, talked about you in third person - over your bed - like you weren't able to hear or understand what they were saying. I didn't allow myself to get upset or breakdown.

So it was natural to me to cross that threshold first, and report back that it was safe.

I took my time.

It was my turn to grieve.

My turn to be selfish.

I will never forget thinking you looked as though you were sleeping, mouth agape, expecting to hear sounds escape. But there were none. I wanted to crawl in bed with you and never leave. But I didnt. Instead I told you how much I loved you, and I prepared you for what was to come. I promised that no one and no thing could ever hurt you again.

Slowly the rest started filtering in. They didn't stay long. It wasn't easy for anyone.

As we sat together, in that room that people gather in, we all realized at once that this was it.

All I wanted to do was sleep. But I couldn't turn the phone off, I didn't think it was fair to those awaiting the news. I didn't sleep until that next day.

And then came the morning after - a full day after you were gone. I decided I would take Mantha to daycare and work on putting memory boards together. I dont remember the motions, I just remember that after visits to the local Target, Pier 1, Fabric Store and grocery someone finally got brave enough to ask me if I was ok. The night before I had gone to bed in sweats and a shirt that read "bite me". Apparently when I woke up that morning, I did nothing more than grab my purse and my daughter and leave the house. I didn't comb my hair, I didn't check the smudged make up. I didn't change clothes.

In my semi-upscale suburban town I went out shopping with a bang.

My cares were with you, not with me.

It was all for you.

Reposting: Seven Eight years ago today... October 2nd, 2001

2009-10-02T09:07:00.002-05:00

In a SNAP!

Who would have known. You spent so many days non responsive. Not to touch, not to sound, not to anything.

I wasn't going to come see you today. I had a church gathering to go to, and I was one of the hosts, so I did not want to deviate from my plans. And then Jim called me. He said that he felt I really needed to go see you today. He had a "feeling" that things were changing, and I shouldn't put it off. I never told him that I had already said good bye to you. But something told him I needed to be with you today.

So I made other arrangements for the party. I called the person I was sponsoring and explained the need to be with you, and I even left work early.

And so much happened. All at once, but in slow motion. I remember almost every conversation. I remember every watchful eye. I remember the entire meal. All of it.

One thing at a time...

When I got to the Home, gram met me in the hall with a little more pip in her step. A little more excitement. And a SMILE.

What a welcome. You were sitting up in your bed. You were smiling, and you were muttering a few very quiet words. This was only the second time I heard your voice since August. And it was such sweet music to my ears.

And hungry. You hadn't eaten solid food in a month. You hadn't even sat up in bed, or opened your eyes in at least three weeks. And here you were, wanting me to order your dinner.

Your favorites. Like magic, not more than an hour after we asked for them, they were delivered to your room. Maybe they went to get them because they wanted your last meal to be special. Maybe they knew something we should have known. We read the book they gave us. We knew that it was possible you would come back to us - if only for a short time - before you left us for good. We will never know - but amazingly, they had it all. Even the butterscotch pudding.

You ate it all.

Soon after dinner, you received some special visitors. They had come to visit when you were still in the hospital. But it was really hard on them to see you that way. They weren't sure they could handle seeing you get any worse. But they came. And they were so happy to have made that decision. Because they got the best part of you. We reminisced. We remembered every memory there was to remember. And there were a lot. They were our best family friends. We lived next door to them for 25 years.

As the night wore on, you started to get tired, and a little more obtuse. Now just watching and taking it all in. I remember walking back and forth in the room, and you watching me closely. Because I am who I am, I said "what, do I have boogers on my face?". You just nodded and giggled - sort of silently - and kept watching.

It was fastly approaching late, and gram was having a hard time keeping awake. Your visitors had long since left. And you were getting more and more distant. We knew it was time to let you rest. So we said our goodbyes. Several times. And as you drifted off to sleep, we just sat and stared, in awe of all we witnessed tonight. And finally, we left your room.

And we felt really good about the evening. What an amazing time we had with you. It gave us a new found hope. We spent the entire ride home revelling in all that had transpired.

You were amazing.

What a special night.

Reposting: Seven Eight years ago today.... October 1st, 2001

2009-10-01T09:04:00.001-05:00

Today, October 1st, 2001, I whispered to you... it was ok.

I thought they would be my last.

You proved me wrong.

But that story is for tomorrow.

Whispers of love...

I love you more than you know. I want you to put down your sword, your battle is over. Go to Him, and be at peace. Run in fields of flowers, and be free. Gaga and Leonard are waiting for you. Its ok to go now, we will be ok. We have each other. And we will see you very soon.

And then I held on for dear life.

And I wept on your shoulder.

And I looked back several times before I walked out your door.

You were so beautiful.

So peaceful.

So loved.

Reposting: Seven Eight years ago today - September 30, 2001...

2009-09-30T08:59:00.000-05:00

Summer 1984 - you will find I am willing to post embarrassing pictures of myself when it comes to the memory of my mother. The shroud of vanity is lifted in her honor.

Today was a quiet day for you.

Not so much for Gram and I. The culimination of the 4 months prior were wearing on both of us. Things were said that have since been forgiven, but at the time were necessary for both of us.

She was losing her child - something a parent should never have to do.

I was losing my mother - something I was only allowed to have for 30 short years.

I wanted more.

I wanted you with me at my wedding.

I wanted you to hold my hand as I gave birth for the third time - because that is what you did.

I wanted you to know your grandchildren.

I wanted you to grow old - not die at 54.

I became very protective of my daughter role, and felt it necessary to remind people that their loss was important, but that they would never understand the magnitude of my loss. None of them had lost their mother.

I still protect that. It is sacred to me.

Reposting: Seven Eight years ago today

2009-09-29T08:53:00.002-05:00

~~Seven~~ Eight years ago today SciCom sent you 30 yellow roses (I bet if they knew pink was your favorite rose they would have sent it instead) to celebrate your 30th Anniversary at the company; no matter that you hadn't been able to work since May.

~~Seven~~ Eight years ago today Mantha, Jim, Bruce Gram and I had birthday cake in your room. We opened gifts - including a Pooh Bear blanket that she still sleeps with - celebrating Mantha's 4th birthday. You slept through the whole party, we tried to wake you, but you were too tired.

~~Seven~~ Eight years ago today you reached two milestones you promised yourself you would. Your "to do" list was as short as your time left with us.
The last item you never knew came true 1 year and 9 days later. He was due to come on your D day, but he waited until the time was right.

~~Seven~~ Eight years ago today we knew your time was short. So we savored every moment like it was your last.

Happy Birthday one day early!

2009-09-28T13:08:00.003-05:00

I know that tomorrow's post is already in cue - it is an annual post - and its a sad one. But it also commemorates an important day!

The day that this young Chicky turned 4

Tomorrow she will turn 12, and while I don't want to over shadow her day with sadness, it was also a poignant day in her life - and we talk about it every year on that same day - it was the last birthday she got to spend with her beloved grandma - the other pea to her pod - the Peter Pan to her Tinker Bell (grandma's nickname for her).

So while I do not want to take that memory from her, I also do not want it to slip by that she is celebrating a very large milestone (in her words):

The last year she can order from the kids menu (poor thing! ha!)
The last year she will be called a "kid" (I hate to remind her that "kid" is her nickname!)
The last year she is not considered a "teen" which means she is grown up (um, I'm not ready for this...)
The last year she is in middle school (very true - as long as she keeps up the homework!)
The last year she has to shop in the kids section at the clothing store (that actually ended last year, but don't ruin it for her k?)
The last year she has to wear glasses (she thinks when she turns 13 she gets contacts...)

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL
(and no, this is NOT the last year you will be called that!)

We have quite the birthday planned for her - with one big secret! My pally is going to come down and surprise her! She is hostessing a girls overnight at the local Motel. They will have their own room, a pool party, pizza, movies, and a girly spa! I know the GM at the Motel and she assured me that the only other room they will allow occupancy nearby is mine and pally's! Because we are positive that there will be giggles, squeals and loudness protruding from that room all night long!

My very scary dream (as told by Jadon)

2009-09-26T09:17:00.004-05:00

Mom, I had a very scary dream last night.

It was about unwrapped mummys [twisting his pj top]. And my friend, I mean cousin Lainie, accidentally woke one up and I didn't.

When the one in the bed woke up then the other 5 woke up [showing me how many by waving 5 fingers at me]!

When the first mummy woke up we had to run outside.

It was very scary!!!

Until....

[wait for it....]

[still waiting?]

[the suspense is killing you right?]

[it nearly killed me. thank goodness it didn't or you wouldn't know the whole story!]

[and my sudden death would remain a mystery]

[you may want to sit down for this!]

[here it comes!]

We got out the Spider Man Fruit Snacks.

That. Is. It.

(the end)

Riding in cars with boys THE boy

2009-09-25T22:10:00.003-05:00

Every other week I make a 70 mile trip to a slightly larger than where I live town where Mantha and I meet her father for his weekend visit. Most of those trips Jadon is forced to ride along as we often leave before Jim gets home. Many of the times that he is with we pass Jim on the highway, which often is a highlight of the trip.

Today Jadon called his dad when we were on our way home. It was the ~~14th~~ 3rd call he had made since we left the house.

When he disconnected the call, Jadon asked if he could take a picture. One led to three, three led to a lot of blurry images. I let him pick three of those pictures for me to place here for your enjoyment...

Sunset on the prairie (with telephone wires - see we are still civilized out here!)

Dinner on the car seat - with dessert on top (Jim eats one whole pizza BTW... A large all meat. Jadon and I split a pizza - his half cheese, mine chicken, spinach and sun dried tomatoes - we of course only eat two pieces so we have lunch tomorrow - too bad for daddy!)

Einstein along for the ride!

He may not be a world class photographer (he was using my Blackberry so maybe that has something to do with it), but he had his subjects in mind, and they were mighty fine at that!

I saw dead people

2009-09-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

Did you see them?

I caught glimpses of "Flash Forward" during commercials on Survivor. And I saw dead people!

Lost is now all making sense to me... Charlie didn't explode in a submarine! Penny didn't fall down a hole! They flashed forward and became different people - she is now Olivia and he is now Simon (or Theo Procopides...)

If you don't believe my theory, fastforward the episode to about 6 minutes (and 20 seconds if you really do try it!) - look at the billboard! See the "Oceanic Airlines" advertisement?

Now who's Lost?

Ha!

Ha-ha!

I do admit, its all a coincidence, just wishful thinking, but since Lost is my favorite show and I still have months (months! I say) before which I will watch its demise [last season], I need to start talking about it now to make the grieving a little easier!

The view

2009-09-24T12:38:00.009-05:00

This morning as I was driving the short mile to work, I had one of those "I really like where I live" moments. I wondered how many people can say that and really mean every word of it?

Small town dwellers often take for granted where they reside. The hidden beauties and non inconvenient inconvenciences that are passed by every day.

The view that I used to see on my way to work was industrial. Cars on the highways. Big buildings competing for my attention. Stores that had things I wanted and things I didn't. Restaurants that served good, not so good, cheap and really expensive meals. Construction signs and cones, and people along the way with a look - the idea that work is dreadful. Office buildings with no views packed full of cubicles and people stumbling over each other to reach the ladder they must climb to reach the top.

The view this morning? An older couple walking their dog on the sidewalk strewn with brightly covered leaves. School busses taking our students to the buildings for which their minds are enriched. A mother waving good bye to one child on the bus while pushing a stroller and holding the hand of a toddler. Cars filled with townspeople, neighbors and friends on their way to their jobs, waving as they passed by. There was even a construction crew - at the corner of Weston and "Main". But it wasn't tying up traffic. The train - which in this small town is known as "traffic" - blocked two out of the three cross streets getting into downtown. Most sat patiently and watched as commerce passed through town via the rails, some turned around and chose the "underpass" to get around "traffic". But there wasn't a hurry, or fists, or horns or frustration.

As I pulled into my parking lot, I gazed at some of the beautiful turn of the century buildings - many built in the late 1880's before me. Many have been retrofit to look more modern, many have been restored to their glory day beauty. The beautiful hanging flower baskets? Well they are the icing on the cake!

I thought about how lucky I was to be able to walk into the historic opera house to grab my morning coffee - owned by my good friend. As I passed through a doorway in the same lower level of the opera house I entered her retail store. Brightly decorated to welcome this new season. She showed me the new jewelry she received to sell, and we talked about the things we talk about.

I then strolled back down the block to my office, waving to some, shouting out greetings to others, and in one case, a lewd gesture just for fun. Half way down the block our town Mayor joined me on the sidewalk. We returned to my office to enjoy our coffee and talk about small town stuff that small town Mayors talk about.

I do have a nice job - most days it consists of just "visiting" with people. My big stresses consist of "am I doing enough to make my members happy?", and "what can I do to keep my budget going", but for the most part I can make my day anything I want it to be. There are many jobs in this small town that are not as fun, many more than I am sure I am aware of. I had one of them once. Just around the corner from where I am now. But one thing that remains true at almost every job in this small town - there are friendly people everywhere. And they all know your name (for good and bad).

Sure we don't have a mall. We can't buy designer labels close to home. A trip to Target requires a little scheduling and a 45 minute drive in the middle of no where which sometimes can be inconvenient. Adjusting was not easy, but I happily gave that all up when I moved to my small town.

And the view is pretty darn nice to boot!

Mother Nature got the memo!

2009-09-23T13:37:00.006-05:00

It appears she got the message - Fall hit as soon as the clock changed to 4:19!

Last night it felt as though darkness fell earlier. It was damper than normal. Amazingly the leaves already smelled musty. Even the temp dropped drastically.

Speaking of leaves, did anyone notice the sudden change in color? What once (once = Monday at 4:18) was lush green was instantly brown and orange and yellow crunching beneath my feet with a musty, already been here for a few days kind of scent.

This is my favorite time of year - must be the secret hidden vampire in me!

I love fall colors, cool evenings, less sun to burn my cornea's (that color on my face? um, its from a bottle!) and no heat! I am in heaven!

As for these characters:

they seem to like it too, because last night I could have sworn they took over my neighborhood!

Maybe it wasn't the leaves crunching beneath my feet....

Am I crabby?

2009-09-22T10:11:00.003-05:00

Or are "they" just really irritating?

I work in a position where I get a lot of really C-A-R-A-Z-Y phone calls!

I am apparently easily confused with Knox Answer Booth, or City Complaint Central, and in some rare cases, as someone who cares!

For instance, last winter...

Little old lady:
I need you to come shovel out the end of my driveway for me!

Me:
I am sorry ma'am, I think you have the wrong number!

Little old lady:
Well aren't you the one who orders the plows to plow my street?

Me:
No, depending on where you live, that would either be the City or County Highway Department.

Little old lady:
Well you work for the City, so I need you to come remove the snow that you left in front of my driveway.

Me:
Ma'am I am very sorry for the confusion, I actually do not work for the City, I work for the ... we are a non profit organization, and while we do special projects with the City, we are actually not part of the City.

Little old lady:
I don't care about what projects you do, or what you do at your job for that matter, I only care that there is a large pile of snow in front of my driveway and I want you to come remove it. Thank you. CLICK!

I do not believe I will ever forget that conversation! Especially since I am POSITIVE she just called me again...

This time she wanted me to send someone to exterminate some pesky multi legged varmints from her basement.

SERIOUSLY!

Little old lady:
I need you to send that guy that drives around in the green and white vans to get rid of the bugs in my basement!

Me:
Which green and white van is that?

Little old lady:
I think its called ...

Me:
I can give you the phone number and you can call him!

Little old lady:
If I wanted to call him myself, I would have taken the number down yesterday when the van was in my neighborhood.

... I was stunned! I don't even remember how I ended my side of the conversation, but I do remember how she ended hers!

I bet you can guess it!

CLICK!

Its a conspiracy!

2009-09-21T23:25:00.004-05:00

I think that the clock in my family room is having the last laugh...

At me!

I come home after working what feels like endless days, and most nights with at least one meeting...The clock reads 7:00.

I sit down, take a deep breath....The clock now reads 7:15

Rarely do I dine with my family... The clock now reads 7:30

I kiss the kids good night... The clock now reads 8:30

Become a zombie for 30 seconds... The clock now reads 11:29

See what I am saying? I zone out for 30 seconds, and the next thing I know its 3 hours later!

That damn clock has it in for me!

The sounds of immenent doom

2009-09-18T10:10:00.004-05:00

You know when you are watching a drama - or horror movie - and hear that sound? It starts out as resonence - something about to happen - when your heart starts to pound a little harder, just enough that you can feel the beat in your ear? Then the music starts to mimic that pounding vibration of fear and adrenoline. First with a subtle drum beat, then cue the violins and finally the whole precussion section of: duuh-dun, duuh-dunn, duh-dunnnnnnn....

Just as the plot climaxes to immenent doom (or drah-mah).

Know what I am talking about?

Ok, now in your mind you know that in "real life" you would never be forewarned. You also know that if you did hear that sound you would be smart enough to run the other way right?

Now imagine me, sitting peacefully in my family room, browsing the internets, Google'ing things I don't need, wishing SOME PEOPLE would update their blogs so I would have something new to read, and then deciding, I suppose I should balance the checkbook before making my annual trip with my friends Stacy and Jody to my favorite store tomorrow.

When all of the sudden I hear....

duuh-dun, duuh-dunn, duh-dunnnnnnn....

Opening checking account = DOOM?

It kept getting louder, and louder, and louder.

My heart started to race, and all of the sudden I felt like I should run.

Change my name and move to another country.

As the page starts to download I start seeing stars and feel like I am going to pass out as the beat gets louder and louder.

Closer and closer.

Just before I blacked out (or didn't), the precussion kicked in.

Then I heard the horn section...

I knew it was over. I was doomed. I would be hauled to the center of town in a heavy floor length smock with a scarlet "B" (for bounced) on my chest, and my fellow townspeople would commence pelting me with tomato's.

And then all of the sudden....

I realized it was just the highschool band practicing their marching down my street!

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Happy Friday!

Crickets go "POP!"

2009-09-16T10:15:00.006-05:00

The sound is disgusting! Especially the big fat ones.

I know this because I just stepped on one.

In my office.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

I cannot get the sound out of my head. Someone please sing me a tune so I can change the noise I am hearing!

I don't what it is with them this year but they seem to be out in droves. And they are crunchy. Sometimes you don't see them until you hear the "POP!".

Little bodies everywhere! They are all over our garage floor. NASTY! I don't know which creeps me out more...

Crickets crawling, hopping and "POP!"ing

Cicada's killing me softly with their song

Or these evil demonic flying beasts

I think that is why I love winter!!!!

Birthdays Birthdays EVERYWHERE!

2009-09-15T08:34:00.004-05:00

Speaking of my pally's birthday this past Sunday, there are SO MANY friends and family with birthdays in the next few weeks, so lest I forget someone, leave yours in my comments (all 2 of you who stop by!) if it falls in the next month!

Sunday September 13th:
My Pally Kim D
My friend Margaret

Wednesday September 16th:
My friend Ellie
My friend Dayna

Saturday September 19th:
My Mother In Law

Sunday September 20th:
My friend Shari

Monday September 21st:
My friend Stacy

Wednesday September 23rd:
My Husband

Friday September 25th:
My friend Barbara

Tuesday September 29th:
MANTHA!!!

Monday October 5th:
My niece Sierra

Saturday October 10th:
My niece Justy

Monday October 12th:
JADON

Saturday October 17th:
SARAH AND LIBBY!!!

I can't forget my dear friend Jeanne who turned 60 on the 3rd. She just lost her sister to Cancer in June, and she still struggles daily with the loss. I hope her birthday was all she hoped for!

Happy Birthday to all of these dear people, and to anyone else who is soon to celebrate another year!

Happy Birthday to my pally Kim!

2009-09-14T11:21:00.003-05:00

Its a day late, but thats only because it took me until now to recover from our "Kims Birthday Food Fest" that we enjoyed with our dear friend KimD! As always Mantha aka "Skittles" enjoyed her alone time with Kim as they drove down together from the cities! Jim and I still haven't eaten - I think I am just now getting my appetite back!

I dont know if it was that we were so hungry yesterday that we ate so much, or if it was the hostess "Madge" that was spawning us to hang out longer by her rude and snide "if I knew you were going to stay this long I wouldn't have seated you here" comments.

Thank God we had a nice and understanding waitress (she either really felt bad or has a really good customer service face!).

Mantha took this picture yesterday! As promised Pally, I zoomed! :)

Heavy

2009-08-20T15:42:00.002-05:00

The heavier the rain the heavier my lids.

I have dozed off writing Board notes and researching websites and blogs for work so many times today I cannot tell you.

I finally found a negative to being on main street - with my desk literally 20' from the sidewalk outside - in an office that has one entire wall of windows...

People can see my head hit the desk when I conk out!

If it weren't for the phone I think I would be an hour into a drool fest.

Not Me Monday

2009-08-17T13:50:00.001-05:00

You've been there - you know you have! Those days when you skipped a step out of laziness, or ignored something your husband or kids did "just because" it was easier? Then there are those things that may cause need for a session or two on a leather sofa. Well I have many of those days! In fact, if I kept a log, I could actually write 13 1/2 pages each day. But there is just no time for that now, really!

So my good friend aka MckMama started a little "project" almost a year ago to combat the guilty's and the need for a costly therapist. Lord knows this is so much cheaper than my therapist (my pretend one - because there is nothing wrong with me, so why would I need a therapist - really, how dare you think otherwise).

I did not cry like a little girl at our facilitator training in front of 10 of my professional colleagues when it was my turn to share some of what inspired me about the previous two days of seminar. I am not emotional and do not wear my heart on my sleeve, and would NEVER let my guard down and cry in front of people, because I just do not do that!

sniff sniff...

I did not make any excuses on Friday when we arrived at the "baums" family weekend, and shortly after dinner ducked out early for the night. I would never do that. I do not lie - really, seriously, I do not (I abhor it!). I HAD spent three days in a classroom, and I DID need to unwind by myself for a while. Just because I did not tell everyone I also needed to take a break from a few of them does not constitute an excuse or a lie, only an exclusion to save their feelings.

I am kind that way.

I did not then text my soon to be ex-SIL that I am mad at her soon to be ex-husband (my husbands brother) call him a chump for leaving her. I also told her I miss her tons. I mean I did not, because I did not text her. Wait, that WAS a lie. I did.

I did not stop helping and then walk away from my husband when he blamed me for breaking the awning on the camper. I did not blame his brother for breaking it even though I know he messed with the button that broke it because, well, I do not roll that way. I did however go get his brother and make him help my husband fix said broken awning after I did (not) walk away from him.

I did not then come back after it was fixed and make my husband apologize to me.

I did not gorge on chips, and dips, and adult beverages and card games while at the "baums" family weekend. I did not rub in anyone's faces that I am the unofficial Phase 10 champ, and Queen of the game Bull Shit. I also did not at anytime while playing "B.S." with my young and impressionable teen aged nieces accidentally slip out the words "bull shit" instead of the cleaner "baloney sandwich" when busting their deception during a game for which lying is intentional. I also never lied about the cards I lay on the table - just to clarify! (and those out there yelling "B.S." - PROVE IT! Because I already clarified that I do not lie! bwahahaha!)

I did not drink several pots of coffee each day of training last week because that just isn't responsible. I also did not drink the last cup yesterday morning because I was hoping someone else would make more for me (which for the record, no one did). I did not do that, because I have never liked coffee. Well, I never did like coffee. Until I stopped drinking pop.

I did not just slam a 20 oz cup of coffee and sneak back over to my friends coffee shop and refill my cup. I did not! But I thought about it!

I am not blogging at work either. That is not efficient!

I am DEFINITELY not looking for a volunteer to man my office Thursday afternoon so I can skip out of work early and head to the lake for my sides family weekend. Nope, I would not shirk work in that way!

BWA!

Ha!

7 Habits part 2...

2009-08-13T22:12:00.004-05:00

Or shall I say "day two".

Wow is all I can say! I am taking the certification tomorrow. Then I will be able to teach it. I have a lot of reading and practicing to do!

As organizers of the program we had the opportunity to have a one on one dinner with the instructor/consultant last night and it was very insightful. For many reasons. The most important was that what we are doing is really important and that a program he implemented 20 years ago that was put to the way side may be able to start up again because of what our mission statement is telling him.

That excited him and made us feel really good.

It also worried him because while our intentions are well meaning, the negative ramifications of the "unexpected" make him fear for our success. Somehow, as he put it "for the first time in his 22 years" we managed to get Covey to allow us to do a small business/entrepreneur/school all in one program that will reach a spectrum of people that hasn't been allowed in the past... Pray it works the way we all hope!

I am pretty proud of our innovative little town. Who would think a program we had 120 spots for would FILL UP!!!!

Off to do some homework.

Oh, my favorite affirmation of the day came from the instructor/consultant...

Towards the end of the afternoon I had a hard time sitting - my back/kidneys/fibromyalgia do not do well with stagnate behaviors, so I was leaning against a window seat opposite from where he was speaking. He started a video, and walked the perimeter of the room. He stopped at where I was standing, put his hand on my shoulder and said "Lori, I really like you. You are very purposeful. You seem to know what is important and what you need to do to achieve it. You seem to have a solid head on your shoulders. I have truly enjoyed working with you, and cannot wait for tomorrows sessions". All small statements. I wanted to cry. Instead I thanked him.

I was blown away.

I think when I reveal some of my introspections you will understand where his comment came from, but to walk in wondering if I was right for the program, having a seasoned professional tell me what he did was enough to lift my spirits for a long time to come.

And now I need to decide whether I am going to do homework or go to bed to prepare for hardcore work tomorrow... Hmmmm.... what will prevail?

So for those of you who do come and visit, and have read or are interested in reading the series, what would you think of a separate "blog/book/7 Habits club"? We can take a habit a week/month - however we want to do it. Read, practice it in our lives and share our experiences, good and bad and receive support and affirmation for what we are trying to do? I would make it private so we could be candid with each other. Let me know!

Pally, it WAS an extra, so its yours!!!

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

2009-08-12T17:23:00.002-05:00

Heard of it? Read the book(s)? Living the habits?

All I can say is wow, and slow down sir, my writing hand is getting tired!

What am I speaking of? Something we can all use a little of... Self reflection. Self improvement. Accountability. More self reflection. Living the way we want to be remembered, not the way we can breeze through life.

Did I lose you?

I will elaborate more as the days go on (and I have time to absorb it all).

If you want to know what I am talking about, click here. (after you read the first statement, click on the links on the right column to read the other habits).

I cant wait to share with you some of the reflections I have made today - some very personal, some that I haven't shared with anyone before.

Off to dine with Mr. Charles Farnsworth and then "study" for day 2! :)

Shout it from the hill tops

2009-08-05T19:12:00.003-05:00

(ok, that was a pun and it was intended!)

After three weeks of agonizing waiting and a really sucky experience with the MRI (imagine face down, feet first all the way in the tube with no where to look but down [and a well padded behind touching the machine the whole time]) the "lump" was definitely a benign cyst! I have an enlarged lymph node but it is within normal range, so we are calling it optomistically good!

Unless I notice any changes of any sort I am in the clear for one more year!

I am 1 - 3/4 years from my 40th birthday when my risk goes from 40% to 60%, but I am already ahead of the game in testing and being prepared, so BRCA2, you can kiss my well padded rear (at least for one more year!)

Going, going, gone...

2009-08-01T22:05:00.003-05:00

25 days...

That is how many days it will be until I see my darlin Mantha again. She is at her dads in my home town until school starts. While the time always flies because August is so busy in our household, it still is very lonely without her here! We always miss her much more than we expect to every summer! But we know she has a blast not having daily chores and a mom always at her heels!

Last year I took this picture the day she left. I didn't forget this year - well not totally. I remembered as I drove away. I thought about it a half dozen times before I dropped her off, that counts right?

Jadon will be on his own adventure for 6 days. He will spend a week with his cousin Lainey who is just two months and one day younger than he at my dads cabin. My dad is now of the belief that two kids is better than one - esp two cute almost 7 year olds. Of course my step mother will have many structured activities for the two youngsters, but boat rides, beach time and pretend play will be a plenty!

Too bad both kids will be gone on a very busy week for Jim and I. We really won't get a lot of "just us" time, but that is ok - we are used to it!

I took this picture of Jim and Jadon last weekend. Love it - had to share. I won't tell you what caused the shit eating grin on my husbands face, but suffice it to say it was at my expense!

I got an update from our Treasurer for Relay For Life, and right now we are well over $106K! We have until the 25th of this month to turn our money in and pay our bills. We will for sure net over $100K this year!!! That is down only $4k from last year, and in this economy, that totally ROCKS!!!

I have to share with you a few special moments at this year's Relay...

First, it had been a tough week for me. That Sunday was MckBrunch (which was so much fun!), but it was also the day I found a lump in my breast. I spent the whole week worrying. I had told only four people - my aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer right before my mom died (and the aunt who adopted my first born 21 years ago); my husband; my friend Jeanne; my friend Kim. My doctors appointment yielded positive news - he was sure it was benign. But I still needed an MRI - which I had this past Friday.

What made this night so special was that I was no longer worried about cancer this time. I was confident in the initial diagnosis, and was happy to be alive. Going on 5 years as a survivor, taking that first confident step in the survivors walk with my aunt at my side was even more special this year. For anyone who has had Cancer, you know that 5 years is a huge mile marker. Knowing that this most recent scare was just that made it so much more to me.

Every year two teams go out of their way to support survivors. One hands out purple balloons for survivors to release, the other hands us long stemmed roses. This year Mitz and I waited until we got to where our family was standing - back at our campsite - to release our balloons. Just as we did so, someone else had released a "balloon to Heaven" in memory of someone who had lost their battle. Because we waited to release, ours were the only two purple in the sky at the time - met shortly after by the lonely white balloon. Together the three floated off. We did not see the white balloon right away, so when we looked back up to see if ours were still in sight, we both said in unison "mom sent a balloon down to meet ours" - and then proceeded to bawl like little school girls.

It was symbolic. We always know she is there with us. This time we felt it in so many ways.

Having my pally Kim there was very special to me as well. Kim has never been to a Relay event. She has purchased luminaries in her husbands memory, but she hadn't ever seen them lit. That night she experienced a lot of firsts that brought back very sad memories, and very happy new ones. She got to talk about Bill to others who had been caregivers, and she heard of stories of survival. Her husband and my mother died the same year, he in the spring, her in the fall, and are both buried at a very special cemetery in Minneapolis.

I know she says she was honored to be there, but I was honored to have her there! Kim and I met on our blogs, but became very fast real life, life long friends. While Jim and I worried we bored her to death because we did NOTHING besides eat and sleep - and watch tv - she says she had a blast - so pally, you are welcome anytime!

Jim and I are watching Gran Torino and he is getting tired of me hitting rewind so I had better change my focus! Is it my fault I don't multi task well at 11 at night? BWA!

Immediate need of prayer

2009-07-27T09:29:00.006-05:00

UPDATE (7:30 pm)
Boston is on hold - possibly indefinitely. Please pray for clarity in the doctors decisions. It is not easy by any stretch to have the plans for your baby's care change so frequently!

UPDATE (11:43 am)
Stellan will be airlifted to Boston. This is good news in that he can still be sent. It is bad news in that it means he cannot be cared for here any longer. Please pray for a safe trip and clarity for those who will care for him during the trip and once he arrives!

Stellans family has been called to be by his side. Now more than ever, if you pray, or even if you do not, please hold this sweet boy and his family in your hearts and prayers!

I pray this is only a hurdle, and not Gods will.

I call on you all - Stellan is very very ill

2009-07-26T23:01:00.003-05:00

And is in dire need of your prayers! He is not taking to new meds well, and is under threat of ventilation.

I could go into great detail here, or send you directly to Jennifers blog.

Please, if you have it in you, pray for this sweet little boy that has worked his way into our hearts and lives. It has been a long hard struggle since before birth. His heart is in need of peace and healing!

If you are in the mood and have the ability, join in the WEAR ORANGE FOR STELLAN MONDAY MOVEMENT started by the My Charming Kids Community as well!

BlogFrog users, you can join the prayer chain here. If you are not a BlogFrogger, but want to join in, you can register under the My Charming Kids community.

Why I Relay

2009-07-22T19:32:00.003-05:00

I was asked this afternoon: "with all the other projects you work on, why do you also Chair Relay For Life? Isn't it a lot of work?"

My answer: "yes it is, but would you step up and do it if I didn't?"

His answer was: "no, I already have too many irons in the fire, and it just isn't something that I feel I need to do"

Something that gets to me much more than most things is people who rush in and complain about all of the things they had to do today. All of the places they had to go and how much time it took them. I typically do not do this for one simple reason... I am a volunteer. I do not do it for the notoriety. I do it because I care about people, I am passionate about causes, and most often, the things I volunteer for enrich my life more than just sitting on the sofa flipping channels (which trust me, I do plenty of!).

I imagine that if I walked into a crowded room and tossed a stone I would hit someone who has been touched by Cancer. Most of us have. If you have not, you are so very lucky and should cherish that - I envy you.

I have been touched by Cancer. I lost my mother to Cancer 8 years ago. I have watched 2 of her sisters fight the same form of Breast Cancer.

I have been touched by Cancer. I am a 5 year survivor of non HPV Cervical Cancer. Tomorrow I am having a suspicious lump examined.

I have been touched by Cancer. I have lost friends to Cancer - some younger than me. I have lost neighbors, and family, and acquaintances. I have watched children battle the disease and mothers leave their children when their battle was lost.

I Relay not because "they" don't have the time. I Relay because I want to have more time. More time here with my family and friends. I want my children's losses to end. To lose their grandmother before she got to spoil them isn't fair. Mantha was the light of my mothers eye's. Jadon was her dream (he was born 12 months and 9 days after she died).

I Relay because I want them to have more time. They have a 50% chance of carrying the same gene I carry. I don't ever want them to know how Cancer feels. I want a cure before there is ever a chance for them to have a diagnosis.

We need research to find a cure. Research costs money. Money isn't growing on the tree out back, so that means someone needs to raise it. THAT is why I Relay!

I live in a small town in a small county. A county of less than 14,000. A county that is number 1 in the Midwest for funds raised (per capita) for Relay For Life for 5 years. A county that has been in the top 5 in the nation for funds raised (per capita) for Relay For Life for 5 years. Next year our little county will have raised over 1 MILLION DOLLARS for Relay For Life. I would not miss that for the world!

Ok, so I do like to toot our horn a little... but remember that statement about doing something that enriches my life a little more than watching tv? Can you top knowing that you have been a a part of something that is not only amazing, but also helping the people you know and love survive a horrible disease?

THAT MY FRIENDS IS WHY I RELAY!

And I will be Relay'ing all night long on Friday! (so will my city pally Kim in case you wanted to know!!! THAT is the cherry on top of the whipped cream on top of the ice cream!)

MckBrunch Photo!

2009-07-20T22:01:00.003-05:00

Tell me this doesn't look like the "it" spot to be! Look at all those smiling faces! Seriously, the smiles are not fake - that is how awesome everyone was!! Sadly there were a few people that missed the big picture...

Because I talk about her all the time, I feel I need to introduce everyone to my friend Jennifer aka MckMama - she is in the long skirt on the left side. Jennifer's beautiful sister Hilary is standing next to me in the red - I was so excited to have her recognize me in the sea of faces and get excited when I weeded through all the people to give her a hug!

If you if live in Minnesota, or get the chance to visit, you have to make a trip to the small town of Waconia (I guess when I lived in the cities it was a "town", now it is a small suburb) and dine at the Green Room. It was incredible.

Thank you again to all the lovely ladies who came together to spend an amazing (and beautiful weather) morning.

forty five

2009-07-19T20:04:00.003-05:00

Its not really ironic that I have been experiencing a lot of 45 this weekend. In fact, for the most part 45 was planned for this weekend!

Throw a little irony in just for fun, and you have a wonderful weekend of 45!

Today was MckBrunch day! How amazing were the 45 women who I was lucky enough to spend 2 hours and 45 minutes with! (we were scheduled to be together from 10-1, but I left at 12:45 - not on purpose - I just followed my table mates out!).

Friday and Saturday I spent the majority of my time creating 45 bracelets. Orange bracelets to be exact. MckMama's favorite color for sure. For 45 ladies.

I arrived this morning - you guessed it - 45 minutes early. I spent the first 20 minutes driving around the town we were going to be dining in as it had changed immensely since the last time I had been there. The last 25 minutes I sat in my car waiting for another early bird to arrive. I couldn't be the first to arrive now could I?

I sat at a table with not 45, but rather 8 very sweet and kind women - women I had never even visited blogs of before (sans one who I visited once), but women I am excited to talk to again very soon! Two who are expecting their third and sixth babies within a week of each other, the beginning of next month.

There was a new Target to the small town we had brunch in, so I decided to wait out the arrival of Mantha from her dads wandering its aisles. For about 45 minutes (ha!) I shopped - casually - unrushed - and ever so often, I ran into two of those table mates I spent a wonderful morning with!

Can you guess how many minutes I waited for Mantha and her very lost father in the parking lot of Target? Yep. You guessed it!

45.

I did not however spend $45 at Target. I only spent $40...

To my table mates... Tina and Amy - I wish you much luck with healthy deliveries! You can bet I will be checking in on you! Jessica, I will be praying for a miracle to bless your family! I hope to hear wonderful news soon! Amy, while I didn't attend the same highschool had I known I would have met you - well, you know - we could have graduated together!), have a blast at your 20 year reunion!

Oh, speaking of almost graduating together... Jessica and I DID graduate from the same school in the city. She two years behind me - which means she graduated with my brother and Mantha's step mother. Amy and I would have been in the same class as we grew up not more than a mile from each other.

Amanda, I will be checking in on you more frequently, and hope to some day get to try one of those tasty cookies I missed at the MckPicnic! Your baby was ADORABLE!!!

Kerry and Yvette, while I didn't get to talk to you much, I am really glad that we all share a mutual friend in Jennifer (MckMama), and hope to get to know you both more in the future! Kerry thank you for making copies of the blog and email lists for all of us! That rocked!!!

To all the other ladies in attendance, thank you for the sweet compliments on the bracelets! I am glad you liked them, and hope you enjoy them!

Cami, thank you again for organizing a wonderful event!

45 thank you's to end my 45 post!

Watch this week for a photo of the gang! It was worth the wait!!!

What trouble looks like when it brews...

2009-07-07T21:39:00.007-05:00

So remember a few weeks ago when I showed you what a storm looks like on the prairie? Well that was nothin!

Tonight while loading cars full of Relay T's because no one showed up to the meeting - could it be that they got the wrong date on the email that my friend sent? Um, possible...

Or maybe they knew THIS was coming (and we didn't)...

I took these pictures as I was driving home - with sirens, and lightening and bears (ok, not bears) oh my!

This was what I saw as I was pulling away from the building I was ignorantly hiding out in. This wasn't night approaching ladies and well, whoever actually comes here to read... This was clouds.

Like waves in the sky they were. it was a might bit freakish.

This is what had the nerve to head towards my little family at my little house on the prairie...

This was what I saw from the end of my driveway.

So that my friends is what a storm looks like on the prairie.

In case you wonder if I am still here or not, well, this "storm" was more bite than bark. We are still comfortably located in SW Minnesota and not in Kansas.

Or Maine... where it has rained non-stop for 3,972 days straight. ME and Hallie, I will take a few of these over THAT!

Pally, I promise that you will be residing in the safest room in the house when you come! I also promise not to invite any of these little disturbances while you are here!

Ba-Bye!

2009-06-26T22:55:00.004-05:00

We are off tomorrow afternoon as soon as our town celebration and parade end for the day. Have happy and safe 4th's and we will see you in a week and a half!

BIG stuff happening in July!

My county's Relay For Life is set to break 1 MILLION DOLLARS this year. In case you are not aware, I live in a very small town - in a very small county of less than 14,000 people. So this milestone is huge for us. I am the Chair this year again, so I am rather stoked to have it on my watch! I am even more excited to have my Pally coming down to spend time with me and help me cheer on the 1 MILLION!!! I hope she is ready for a long all nighter! It will be so much fun!

MckBrunch is the Sunday before Relay and I am so excited! If you don't read me often, you may not know about my friend Jennifer from mycharmingkids and her miracle baby Stellan. Well in a few weeks a BUNCH and I mean BUNCH of us are converging on a restaurant in our State and having a what I can imagine to be amazing morning and afternoon sans kids and husbands - you will hear the buzz of chatter from wherever you are!

Our counties Fair is also in July, so every weekend is packed full!

We will "see" you soon, in the meantime, be safe, enjoy the holiday and PARTAY like rockstars!!!

This week in pictures

2009-06-24T20:00:00.005-05:00

Its almost vacation time! I get so excited for this time of year, and usually come back and plaster thousands of pictures of our adventures. So to prepare you for the onslaught, here are a few of our pre-vacation antics...

I had an awesome video on my BlackBerry of my son and our cat Toby - the cat with anger management problems, but apparently I need to learn how to use my phone, as I saved it as a photo and not a video. I will share the blur and you can imagine the rest from there...

Toby has for some reason had a love hate relationship with Jadon for as long as he has ruled our roost with his evil black twin Ruvy. Toby will sit on the edge of the sofa and howl at Jadon as he walks by while swiping at him. It gets to be a fun game for the whole family. Had the video saved you would have seen Toby go all puss-tal on Jadon and shriek every time Jadon walked by.

First, as Jadon and I were cruising home from dinner on Sunday, he was jamming in the back seat and says to me "Mom, my finger is dancing now too. It has ears and can hear the music".

What per say were the "ears"? They were his finger nail which split down the middle and peeled on both directions. You can't tell it here, but it was his middle finger, and the "ears" were sticking out. It was cute, and funny, and disturbing all at the same time.

Last but not least, the remnants of the storm that hit fast, hard and eventually kicked out a funnel in a town not so far away on Tuesday afternoon.

Mantha and I were at the Golf Course meeting with the rest of my tournament committee when it went from sunny to black, green, freaky. This was as the storm was leaving - the back end of a wall cloud.

We need to get through our towns celebration before we leave, so I am wishing those days away... I know it will come soon enough, I just hope the weather is nicer next week!

The many faces of fathers

2009-06-21T16:26:00.010-05:00

Today I received a phone call from someone that I never expected to hear from on Fathers Day. That phone call changed my mood, made me happy, made me proud, made me cry. That phone call made up for so many days when I wondered if he really did care. Today I found out how much.

But I will get back to him in a moment.

First I want to wish a Happy Fathers Day to the two most important men in my life:

The man that gave me life:

He may have chosen to go on a 6 week vacation to Alaska over having Brunch with his stunning daughter, but that doesn't change how much I love the man! Happy Fathers Day Dad!

The man that breaths life into me every day:

There may be some days when he acts more like our 6 year old than like a father to our 6 year old, but I still love him! Happy Fathers Day hon-e!

I want to wish a Happy Fathers Day to two men who brought me so much happiness and joy, but are no longer here with us:

The man that made my mothers last years her happiest:

Bruce was my step father for 12 years. He came into my mothers life at a time when she needed someone to love her for who she was, not for what she had been. Bruce did that. He took away the sadness that had surrounded her for many years, and brought smiles and laughter and joy and excitement. He made her last years her best years. Even though they married when I was 24, there was never a doubt in my mind that he would be a father to me.

The only man I ever got to call "grandpa":

Grandpa Lawrence swept me off my feet the first time he met me. Literally. I dont know who he thought I was the first time he saw me, but I will never forget that incredibly strong bear hug I received in place of a hand shake the night Jim took me to their campsite the first night I met him. Those hugs never ended. He called me his girlfriend, and he my boyfriend. He was the only man that I ever had the honor of calling "grandpa" and I will never forget him.

Now back to the phone call today.

I sent texts to all the men in my life, whether friends husbands, or family members, to wish them a Happy Fathers Day. One I had to send to my aunt because my uncle does not have his own cell phone.

Several hours later, while driving home from getting Mantha, my cell rang. When I answered it was Larry's voice on the other end of the line thanking me for my message. Then thanked me for alllowing him to be a father.

There was no thanks needed, not from him.

I was pregant my senior year of highschool. I was confused, in denial and hid the pregnancy from everyone - my parents, boyfriend, friends, everyone - until I was 7 months pregnant. Somehow my mother figured it out, even though I was spending the summer 1500 miles away. She had conversations with her sister who could not have children about the prospect of them adopting my baby.

When I came home from my summer away, I sat down with my aunt and uncle. I will never forget the tear and fear filled conversation. I remember their fears. It was not as easy as saying the word "yes". It was much more complicated than that. Even after they took custody of Alex, there was fear. Fear that I would spend too much time with her, that I was too close, and want her back.

I have wondered for years, now that their baby was grown, how he felt about me. I knew how my aunt felt. She tells me all the time. I know how Alex feels, I can see it and hear it in her voice when she spends time with Mantha and Jadon.

But until today, I did not know how Larry felt.

I may have given them something they couldn't have, but they gave me so much more. They gave me peace. Peace that my child would know love in a solid happy home. She has travelled the world, and never wanted for anything. She is getting a top notch college education, and is studying abroad. She is kind, and loving, and has morals that are not often seen in kids her age. That did not come from me. That came from them - her parents.

So today, as I wished Larry a Happy Fathers Day, I thanked him back. I thanked him for trusting me. I thanked him for allowing him to be the father my child needed and deserved.

Its been 21 years in the making, but on this Fathers Day, we finally know how much the other means.

I hope all the fathers in my life know how much they mean to me.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

He had a heart

2009-06-18T11:24:00.008-05:00

That was bad. So 6 years ago, he got a new one. From a Donor. An anonymous person whose life had ended. A family who was willing to carry out the wishes of a loved one. A decision I cannot imagine was made lightly. A decision I cannot imagine would ever carry regret. For in one loss came anothers salvation.

I do not know this man, the recipient of one of the greatest gifts one can give. I have never met his daughter Hallie, but I know her. In the sense that all of us in this blogging world know each other.

This is Hallie's dad...

Today, I am sharing Hallie's fathers story through her letter because Hallie is raising awareness and is hosting a fundraiser for her father - and its Fathers Day this week, and my dad took a 6 week vacation to Alaska over brunch with his spectacular and stunning daughter (that would be me in case you got lost in translation), so I will spend time helping Hallie's dad!

This is Hallie...

She loves Prada. She would love Prada to be donated, but because she loves Prada so much, she knows full well that the Prada that was donated would get lost in the mail and would never make it onto the list of items for which to be raffled, therefore, I will NOT be donating Prada!

I will however send these two pieces of jewelry I made. That she chose. That may get "lost in the mail" but at least won't cause me the need to explain to my husband why I donated something that cost him three arms and two legs that met its unfortunate demise in the USPS solar system (aka Hallie's Prada shrine).

So please visit Hallie's Blog because she is hil-hairy-ass! Then visit Hallie's Dad's Fundraiser, and see what you can do to help her Dad enjoy even more Father's Day's and get yourself signed up to win something amazing (just don't expect Prada, I already told you, it got lost in the mail!)

Thanks in advance from Hallie and her Dad for taking the time to check our her fundraiser, and for that Prada bag that I just know you want to send to her!!!

wisconsin wildlife vs the baums

2009-06-10T22:32:00.004-05:00

I tell ya, if it weren't so dang funny I would probably think there was someone behind the antics of the first 15 rural miles of our trip to Wisconsin.

First, out of thin air, a doe trots across the interstate - not in front of anyone else - but in front of the baum-mobile.

Not 5 miles later we all turn to look at the buffalo on the prairie to our right (picture Lori holding a box of crackers - not the type that opens at the top with a nice safety bag, but rather a box of Archer Farms crackers that has a large open tray... got that picture in your mind? good...)

SWACK!

A pheasant hits our windshield DEAD CENTER, and yes, I mean dead. Like dead. As in now on someone elses tires.

Remember that box of crackers?

ALL OVER the car.

Cuz Lori gets a little jumpy and she literally tossed her ~~cookies~~ crackers. Everywhere. As in EVERYWHERE.

The defrost when turned on shot up cracker crumbs.

When I do something I make sure I do it right the first time...

Then....

Mr. Squeaky of the Squeak family - you know the one, that cute little field mouse family that lives right over there? Yeah, well we are not the only ones attending a funeral tomorrow morning. Because Mr Notsqueakyanymore is now part of the pavement on that same interstate.

I wish I could have recorded Jim's exact words, facial expression and tone when he made the statement "I dont like Wisconsin any more". It made me laugh so hard I almost pee'd my pants. Which honestly would have gone unnoticed in the tornado that became the interior of my car!

My pally Kim D of the Kim Writes Kim D's thinks we have something against nature and the hunters of this western land. She also thought however that when I said the "wildlife around these parts was trying to kill us" meant the U of W students... I heard they were wild, but didn't think they were viloent. I guess we will double lock our doors tonight.

Oh dreary rain, please go away!

2009-06-10T10:31:00.002-05:00

It has rained EVERY DAY since Thursday. Not that I am complaining - ok, yes I am...

We need the water, but its has been this heavy mist that persists and ruins your hair and makes you want to sleep all day. We got a tease - literally - 10 minutes of sun yesterday. Then promptly we went back to drear.

My mood is already south, so I need the sun to boost it back up again.

Pally, we may have a little one in tow Friday - I know you are ok with it - but wanted to warn you that he will probably be our date at lunch and a flick on Friday!

Spread your wings sweet girl and fly

2009-06-08T09:23:00.007-05:00

I have started and stopped writing this post all day today. It is a hard post to write because it is so unjust.

Eternity is someplace far away. It is not supposed to be in the today, not in the now. Lately however, eternity, that peaceful place for most, seems to come sooner than it should.

Dear sweet Lauren Marcella passed away just after 4 this morning. She was not yet 3 years old.

On Thursday night Lauren spiked a fever of 107.5 (and as her parents said on her Caring Bridge site, this was not a typo - 107.5!) during a grand mal seizure that lasted over an hour and 45 minutes. It took many meds to find the right one to calm her tiny body. On Sunday she was starting to wake up and things were looking positive. Sunday afternoon it changed. Horribly. They airlifted Lauren from Wisconsin hospital to Children's in St. Paul (the same one my son was at two years ago) and a short twelve hours later she was gone.

Lauren was a miracle. She started her life struggling. She was born with a severe cord wrap that caused Cerebral Palsy and a Cortical Visual Impairment. But man was she a fighter! She was so beautiful - always smiling and giggling.

Laurens birth literally saved her mothers life. Knowing that a cord wrap was possible, Lauren's baby sister was born via C-Section. During that C-Section, ovarian cancer was discovered in her mother - at a stage that was curable - a cancer that could have gone unnoticed. A miracle.

Eternity should not be so close for a child who has barely touched this Earth, but she is fully healed and bouncing on the clouds with strong legs, bright eyes that can see the beauty and a body that no longer fights her.

Be at peace sweet girl.

Once there was a friend...

2009-06-05T09:11:00.003-05:00

Now a foe?

This little guy made his home in my hanging basket last summer - around this time. Sadly, not much after this picture, his siblings joined him and they KILLED my flowers (there were 3 more just like this one).

So I took the baskets away.

And bye bye birdie.

BUT...

I think he is back. And he is mad. A mad pooper that is. Seriously, our deck, grill and house look like WWIII has hit with little white "bombs" every where!

So how fitting that last night I happened to open this picture and the kids ask "mom, is that the bird that is pooping every where?"

I do love the picture even if the little stinker has gone all swine flu on me!

Pally? This is just a snippet of what you will enjoy when you visit "St. Jim" next month!

Shipped

2009-06-04T23:34:00.002-05:00

And I thought I got impatient during pregnancy...

Now I can only hope that DHL is the winning recipient of my new beauty. For if it is them, I expect "she" shall arrive tomorrow morning! If the big brown truck was "her" fate, I will see "her" sometime next week.

Oh the anticipation!!!

UPDATE...

White truck, not brown. Not yellow like I had hoped.

Oh well, she is still on the way home!!!

Not Me! Monday

2009-06-01T08:15:00.011-05:00

Its been a while... I think of them every week, they just never make it here... Slacker!

In case you do not remember the blog carnival of Not Me! Monday, check out my good friend MckMama's blog - she will tell you all about it - because of course, its her circus baby!

So many weeks, so many things I didn't do... But because you don't really want to hear all about them, I will keep it local (to this week that is).

I did not revert back to my old ways and eat Cheeto's for breakfast two days last week. I did not do that because it is wrong. Just wrong!

I did not stay up all night last Monday night after Jim said those to magic words "go ahead"... Now don't start thinking nasty things people - that was the night that I ordered my new beauty that is coming very SOON!!!!

I did not actually write in that post that I would have a tiara and lipstick ready for her when she arrives this week.

I did not call her a her.

She is a laptop, not a her.

I did not beg, plead, bribe and eventually toss my hands up in the air and let go of my over controlling mommy'ness when Jadon walked into my room this morning wearing this:

Insisting that it "matches". I did not laugh a little and really wish there was something more I could say that justified my desire to change socks. But really, are they hurting anyone? Its just daycare right?

Yes, they are green and blue striped alligators. Thankyouverymuch.

I did not just eat the left over Milk Duds from the movie we went to yesterday.

We did not spend over $75 for 4 people to see Up. It was such a good movie by the way, but HELLO, $75??? Were those seats and popcorn made of gold? Unless your children can chug 83 gallons of Sprite in just under 2 hours, do not, I repeat, do not purchase the "family pack". I do not believe any of us ate all of our popcorn or drank all of our beverages.

But I digress... we all have to make that mistake once right?

At least we did not forget the popcorn salt. Of course I did spill it in my purse as I always do...

I did not leave this post unposted since 8:15 this morning...

Ok, I did.

HAVE A GREAT MONDAY!!!!!!

You've come a long way baby!

2009-05-27T16:22:00.002-05:00

I remember it well. The first ever IBM Portable Computer - the IBM 5155 circa 1984. I remember it because my mom worked for a company that sent one home with her when I started college in 1989. It was cumbersome. VERY cumbersome. Of course it was also DOS back then, and the matching printer? Remember the spool fed paper? Yep, one of those!

After I graduated from college I worked only on computers at work. I didn't even own a computer in my home until 2000. Desk tops. Clunky heavy ugly desk tops. Back then I was addicted to IBM. I don't know why.

Now, we have 3 desk tops (one Dell, one IBM, and one Gateway [my moms company donated it to Mantha when mom died. It was her computer at work. Of course that was 8 years ago, and moves slower than a turtle in a blizzard, but I cant seem to part with it]) at home, two laptops (one is Mantha's - IBM, one is mine - Dell), and next week, we will be welcoming my Mothers Day, Birthday, Christmas for the next 5,000 years pretty little pink beauty...

I am a brand shopper. At some point I changed my mind and decided I liked Dell better. There are arguments on all sides - Mac, Dell, IBM, Toshiba, etc, but Dell has yet to do me wrong - and they have lovingly financed all 3 of my purhcases - past and present - with a 12 month no interest, 6% interest after that account. So by Christmas my present should be paid off.

I went a little crazy... (hush now Pally, you are the one on the good drugs...) 5X the memory in my current lap top, better productivity software, WRITEABLE DVD/Blue Ray - look out Napster, you ain't got nothin' on me (BWAHAHA!), and PC Link so I can transfer over my Microsoft and Photo Shop without re-purchasing them. I ordered the 17" screen in case you are wondering... because I am old and going blind and all. And I made sure that there was a 10 key because the numbers at the top of the keyboard are dead to me - I am too clumsy to use them - much like punctuation - I always have to go back and edit my work!

I can't wait until she arrives. I have a cozy little corner ready for her arrival, complete with a Tiara and pink lipstick.

And since its all about me ya know, I do have to admit that I said I 24 times in this post.

Sue me! Bwahahahaha!

2009-05-26T22:03:00.002-05:00

I am feeling better today - actually I have been feeling better. Sometimes you have to get the crap out so the resolve can come in. And the resolve is here. There is no avoiding anymore, because if I do, then any future failures are all on me.

I have been working on schedules and plans to keep her busy, but not too busy. Keep her under supervision but not feeling like we dont trust her. Coming up with projects she can do with me at my office - because she loves working at my office - this summer, and "helping" my friend Jennie at her daycare - which translates to, Mantha thinks she is helping, when really we are having her "visit" a few hours each morning.

I talked to school again today, and also talked to a friend who is very versed in petite mal seizures and we have decided we are still going to have Mantha tested for them. After the initial conversation last week they fell off the radar - or at least what I was comprehending in the conversation. That is why they called today - to make sure I knew that they still agree it may be part of the issue.

So I called the pediatrician this morning to see what we need to do to get the ball rolling, and the first step is a sleep deprivation study. We are scheduled to have the study done with the pediatrician she used to go to in Minneapolis in August. They were not concerned about getting her in sooner, and were confident that unless we noticed serious issues, there was no reason to rush the study.

So that is that. Its not the end of the world. Its just a big fat sassy slap in the face.

I received two emails and one comment recommending reading "Welcome to Holland". The comment was to "re-read" as she knew I already knew the story.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.

The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."" Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ...about Holland.

Things we never want to hear...

2009-05-22T12:25:00.004-05:00

I don't often post about my children.

Sure, when there is something really funny, or really irritating I talk about them more here, but I don't overly share because there is this underlying sense of failure - failure at my relationship with my daughter. In order to not feed on that failure, I don't share a lot about either child so that no one gets the sense that I favor one over the other.

Today that sense of failure was replaced with a sense of fear and overwhelming guilt. Guilt that while I have seen the signs, I did not know there was more to it; guilt that I was punishing behavior that was not in her control. Fear that we are embarking on an adventure that has no end.

My friend Dayna would tell you that I have struggled with this relationship for a long time and probably have been avoiding the truth for even longer. I have made excuses for why I thought it was happening, even blamed my early relationship with my mother. She understands the fear of knowing there really is something wrong, she has held my hand, listened to my gripes and supported me for many many years.

Today she listened again, this time to the diagnosis. Through a text. Because I didn't have the voice to speak it.

For those of you who "know" Dayna, you know that she has been thrown so many obstacles, and fears, and diagnosis', and illnesses with all three of her children. This is so minor compared to what she has had to hear and experience. Yet she still said she was sorry. Still held out her hand, and still offered support.

Today I was told that my daughter has Aspergers. My highly intellegent child cannot tell you why she knows what she knows because she cannot process it. She cannot complete a task without wondering why she started it, or how to finish it. She doesn't understand non verbal cues and cannot process emotion so she takes offense to just about anything that could even mildly sound offensive. She is THE top math student in her class. She even outranks many of her upperclassmen. But she cannot complete homework because she cannot put to paper what is in her head. She does not process process.

She has been reading several grades ahead of her peers since pre-school. She can spell better than most. But she cannot write an essay or spelling words correctly. She is not dislexic, she just does not have the same ability to process the work from her mind to paper that most of us do.

She gets straight A's on her tests. She fails on her homework. Why? Because most tests are multiple choice. She knows the answer, but she doesn't have to explain it. She only has to select it.

She is however highly artistic. Incredibly so. She is very creative. She can write poems and fantasy because there is little problem solving. There isn't a process. There are just words that sound nice together, and her works are amazing as seen in this post. Her pencil drawings are so realistic that you would think a highly professionally trained artist drew them.

But, she cannot complete more than two commands in a row. She has to stop, cross it off a list, and move on. If verbally told to do a series of activities, 7 out of 10 times she will not remember most of them. She does not understand how to finish an activity - ie: when she puts clothes away and runs out of hangers, she does not look for more hangers, because once the hangers she has are gone she believes she has completed the task. The clothes are not the task in her mind, the hangers are. When she vacuums she does not put the vaccuum away. Not because she is lazy, but because the act of vacuuming was the task, and once done with the task the rest does not process.

All of this was enlightened to me today. I always thought she had lack of concentration, or didn't care about the task she was performing, or was lazy, or even that she didnt pay attention to detail. We are always asking her to finish what she starts and not do it half way. She has always told us she didn't know she hadn't completed the task. Today we were told why.

There are many things we never want to hear as parents. There is a difference between knowing there is something wrong, and hearing there is a name for it.

As I educate myself more on this Syndrome, I find that there is a lot of fear read into much of what I am finding. The biggest fear is that Aspergers is a highly functioning form of Autism.

In preliminary IQ testing, she is testing way over 100 - close to 150. They expect that when she is actually tested this fall, she will fall closer to 180. Knowing that she is highly intellgent makes this harder. Knowing that social and common sense skills are very low is even harder. The things that I thrive on are the things that she will never possess.

It will be a long and bumpy road, but we will get through it. She is healthy otherwise. She is beautiful, and she is kind, but there is something that isn't there, and that is what breaks my heart. That vacancy in her eyes, that lack of true emotion, knowing that she has to force herself to laugh or cry not because she feels or understands the emotion, but because she see's others experience it, and she believes it is what she must do.

I love her more than she will ever understand. I hope one day she will. I hope one day the frustration that has built a wall between her and I will crumble and a new understanding and acceptance will take its place.

I wish for harmony and peace and love. No more guilt, no more fear, no more failure. No more withdrawing, stronger self esteem, and a future that is bright and makes sense.

Happy Memory-versary

2009-04-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

May she find peace and love in all the memories of his sweet life, and find joy in what they had together, and what he left behind for the rest of us to share in and love.

Happy Anniversary Pally!

12, 11, 10, 9, 8...

2009-04-22T22:33:00.006-05:00

12 - a not so magic number. In fact, its a rather sucky number. 12 is the number of hours my husband has been allowed to work this week. Not because he chooses too. But because his company insists on padding the employee pool and stretch the work thin, and then make excuses for why guys who are going on 9 years with the company get to work less than the guys who started yesterday afternoon.

11 - the number of days I have left before I will be able to make room for someone new in my office if all goes well next week.

10 - the number of days I hate in May... May 8th was my moms birthday - Mothers Day always falls a few days later, and May 18th is my wedding anniversary - the day I married the love of my life without my mother there to witness (she died 7 months and 15 days before we were married)

9 - the number of years that Jim and I have been tripping and stumbling through life together.

8 - the number of days left to have 10% of your purchase donated to Stellan's fund when you order some of these from Munchie Gifts!

7 - the number of years (on May 18th) that Jim and I have been married - for better or worse.

6 - the number I would like my pain to be right now, instead it is only 1/2 the number... If 12 is even on a pain chart.

5 - the number of hours I average per night in restless sleep.

4 - the number of days my kids will be attending school per week next year from November to March if the proposal laying on the table is voted on and passed on Monday.

3 - the number of weeks that will be added to the school year next year if the above passes. I can't wait to explain WHY they are planning to pass this new agenda. I guarantee it is not what you think!

2 - the number of days before my darling daughter steps up to the plate and performs her little heart out at the Math Masters Competition. The same daughter that ranked #1 district wide for Math Masters, yet told my friend yesterday that she HATES math. Go figure.

1 - the number of nerve endings that aren't screaming uncle right now!

0 - the number of vacation days Jim has left until October. If only he could get paid for mine - I added my comp time and vacation time up last week and it appears I could take a month off with pay - if only I had someone I could count on to run the office while I was gone for even a day...

-1 - number of people still reading this far down the list of complaints and whines!

Ablation

2009-04-20T22:25:00.003-05:00

Stellan is having an Ablation tomorrow morning (Tuesday) at 8:30 am Eastern time. This surgery is very very dangerous and very rarely performed on a baby not quite 6 months old.

If you haven't been keeping up with Stellan's story, last week he was flown to Boston to be near his new heart doctor. All sorts of tests have been performed, and it has become abundantly clear that there is nothing less than surgery to try and repair his heart.

Many of Jennifer's readers are going to wear Orange - her favorite color - on Tuesday to support Stellan.

Please pray for a steady hand, and no fear, only clear guidance for Stellan's surgeon.

Check Jennifer's blog out at http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ for updates - she Twitters, and while most likely the next days posts will not come from her, there will be updates from her friends and sister.

Thank you for your constant support and prayer for my friend and her baby!

Crumbling all around me...

2009-04-16T15:17:00.003-05:00

I don't know what is happening... I feel like everything is falling apart. Not to me personally, but to those around me.

Death...

I have posted recently about loss, most recent. I feel like it goes so deep that I cannot seem to find an escape from it.

Two weeks ago, Larry, someone I worked with died suddenly. The following Saturday Larry my neighbor died. Last Sunday someone I have worked with through Relay For Life and a local business died at the age of 30 from a long bout with Cancer. Last night my sister in laws brother died by his own hand.

My friends sister is still hanging on, but not by much of a thread. My friends pain is impossible to witness - she is struggling so.

It is not making sense to me. It all started a little over a month ago with Jim's grandfather. I have never experienced this much loss so close together. 4 deaths in two weeks. People of all ages, people of all levels of relationship.

I don't get it.

Childrens tragedy's...

My friend Jennifer, who I talk about all the time on my blog, is currently with her baby is fighting for his life. He was flown to Boston this morning to prepare for a surgery that no one wants to perform on his very small 5 month old heart. I am brought to tears almost daily in joy and pain for this sweet baby boy.

One of my best friends who lives half a country away has also been dealt some tragedy with a child. She has three children with PIDD - a disease that prevents their bodies from having an immune system. Her youngest child - 5 years old, just two weeks ago, was kidnapped right in front of her. Thank God he was recovered within a few minutes, but he is now severely traumatized. Afraid to leave the house and be around strangers, afraid of things that most 5 year olds should not have to fear.

Where is this all coming from? One of my friends here in my small town told me I seem to be a magnet for bad kharma. Can that be true?

Today I cannot seem to shake a funk that I have found myself in. I spent several hours with one of my dear friends who is going through a horribly painful separation. She and her husband are one of those couples that others look up to, yet here they are, in a place where many of us have found ourselves before. I had no idea how to console her. I wanted to cry for her, and for all those so close to me that seem to be suffering so.

I can be thankful that right now at least, the relationship with my husband is stable - the most so in the past few years. We still struggle, but we seem to have found a middle ground that has been hard to reach for many years. If I have to hang on to something for safety and comfort, I am glad it can he that.

Where oh where...

2009-04-07T21:35:00.006-05:00

Has my little blog gone, oh where oh where can it be?

Its here. It will return.

Right now I have a lot going on, some good, some bad.

In the last week alone, I have had two deaths. I am preparing for a third. Two were wonderful Larry's. One was a mentor, one was a beloved neighbor and friend. The third is one of my dearest friends sister.

One died of Cancer, one died suddenly, and the other is losing a very long and exhausting battle with Cancer.

While I don't know Jackie very well on a personal level, she has been a business acquaintance of mine for almost 3 years. The fact that she is my friends sister has made her impending loss almost unbearable. I am watching the suffering through her eyes. They are so very close, interestingly, their relationship reminds me a lot of mine and my mothers.

I admit it, I am a girl, and I have a lot of emotions. You could make me cry by telling me about the adorable 8 legged friend you accidentally squished when you got up to pee in the middle of the night. I hate spiders, but you could make me feel sorry for him if you cared about him. So to watch someone I adore go through this horrible pain is excruciating.

I have also been planning for four rather big events. One is on Monday, one is the following Saturday, and one the following Wednesday. The last event is in July, but takes a good 6 months to prepare for. This past weeks deaths has made it even more important to me.

Some of you know about my job, and how much public work I have to do to maintain it. This is an extra. I love this event because it means so much to me personally - Relay For Life. This will be my second year as event chair, and I am getting stoked! Our kick off is next Tuesday, and while I know we will lose some teams due to the economy, we have a new team in honor of a young man who is currently overcoming brain cancer - at the age of 21. A team that is so large, here is talk of several businesses sponsoring him. I am going to propose that he be one of our honorary chairs.

So, in a nutshell, my blog will be here, however I may not be for a few weeks. Relay isn't until July, but once I get through some of these other projects and events, I will have a short breather before it kicks in old school style!

I miss and adore you all, and will read when I can! I hope everyone is well, and if you want to come visit me to make sure I am still ok, well, email me! I will send you directions!

And Pally - I have more truffles coming soon! I am doing a project (oh, add that one to my list!) for Munchie Gifts, so I will have access to muches chocolate! That means you should snag our pal Brenda and come on down a week from Saturday!

The move is on...

2009-03-31T20:37:00.006-05:00

Or shall I say - DONE!

I will never again pack another box - unless it is boxes sending my kids out into the real world.

I have now officially read files that dated back to 1946. Yes, you read that right. I found files from the year we were chartered. I am surprised after seeing those files that there weren't some from 1909 when we were organized (those would have been cool!).

Who would have thought that someone would see the importance of keeping stale ideas in file cabinets for over 30 years would be beneficial.

Oh I know who...

She might just be the same person that didn't pack a single box, and then threw a hissy fit today when she discovered that her office was still in the back of my Jeep and that I was not going to stand in the rain to unpack it.

I am not a mean person - ask my friends (Kim? Brenda?). They know the real me. I will do about anything for a friend - nay, even a stranger, but when you outwardly spite me, well, there is comeuppance...

When I say I deserve a few days off after this move and you sigh heavily, remember this - I packed your desk - nicely - after I asked you to do it and you snapped like a twig in a brisk winter wind. I packed the ENTIRE office. My husband moved most of the office. I moved the rest. When you told me the Board should have helped I had to be held back.... apparently you didn't think it was also your responsibility.

Thanks for that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now on for some good news! (yes, it is another Stellan update!)

Just as I was going to post, I got another Tweet from Jennifer, so things are not as sunny as they were, but I truly believe that there will be a few more downs as he gets better - which I believe is truly happening!

Check out her post: "Best Day Ever"

In case you missed it (or don't listen and click - hehehe), Jennifer and Stellan are being featured on a local news cast here in the frozen tundra! You can check it out online http://tinyurl.com/co5aug

Thank you again for all our prayers and healing thoughts. She can feel them, and they give her strength!

UPDATED Prayer request for Stellan

2009-03-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

HAPPY 5 MONTH BIRTHDAY STELLAN!

UPDATED:

Rather than start a new request I am going to update this one.

This is taken directly from Jennifer (MckMama's) blog this afternoon (Sunday):

"Stellan's heart is still in SVT, and his heart function is slipping away. He is not perfusing to his extremities well anymore at all. At times, his pulse cannot even be felt in his feet whatsoever. He is pale, extremely irritable, and his mother is trying hard to keep from being a sobbing, wretched mess in front of him. I had two dreams last night about being trapped in different buildings; it's no secret to say I feel trapped in our current, extremely uncertain circumstances."

My heart breaks every time I read her words. EVERY TIME. I cannot imagine sitting in her shoes. I do not want to imagine it. So I will continue to do what I can: prayer, support, and spreading the word so others can pray as well.

On a lighter note, the Stellan Name Gallery has started up again in full force! If you read my blog last summer, it all started here, and has continued to grow. If you are so inclined to share your support and want to send your own "Stellan" to Jennifer to help boost her spirits, please feel free to do so, and email it here. If you send her one, let me know! I would love to see them!

Jadon jumped on the bandwagon in August and came up with this idea (with Mom's help of course):

Then had his friends at Daycare do on too:

Last night while daddy was away, he asked if we could make a Stellan Mii:

So we did. He is a really good fisherbaby, and can race a mean cow in Scarecrow Tipping (we don't know what it is really called, it is one of the skills games).

ORIGINAL POST:

I am really sorry that I don't get here for much else, but if I can use my blog to help my friend, then that is what I will do!

Stellan is in big trouble friends!

The following Tweets came via text (and on her blog) from Jennifer this morning:

Stellan is NPO until 10 am and then will get put a j tube in. It's like a central line. Goes into his heart from his neck. There is the risk of infection, but there is little chance they'll get a PICC line in because Stellan's heart is no longer pumping blood well to his extremities. His veins there are not full of blood, so PICC lines and iv's can't get in there. We'll find out after the procedure what line they got in: PICC, J or central. We have also begun the process of getting a second opinion from the university hospital about all this.

HE NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS!!! I know alot of you who read here have strong faith. Even if you don't believe in God, I am not asking you to change your beliefs, just please, think healing thoughts for Stellan, and guidance for his doctors. This is a 5 month old baby, he needs us!

Thank you again in advance for your prayers (and thoughts). This family means a lot to me personally, and I really hope that this little bit can help!

Click here for the most recent post today titled "the post that is not titled 'pissed'" - if you know Jennifer/MckMama at all, you know that saying "pissed" means she is ROYALLY PISSED, because "crap" is about as bad as it gets with her. I wouldn't be surprised it she totally breaks out a new tool box of profanity. In case she doesn't I have been sure to cover it for her! If you look at her blog you will see her Twitters are on the middle left side bar.

THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR STELLAN!!!

BTW, for purposes of making this real for everyone, I will not be using MckMama in my posts until Stellan is better! I think Jennifer would appreciate prayers for her by name as well!

Thanks (ALOT) Thursday

2009-03-26T08:18:00.004-05:00

I know its been a week or two since its last scrub down, but your sputum did not make it better, and was not appreciated.

Note to Mr. Turquoise Aspire: When you roll down your window, just before projectile, use a little of that physics you took in highschool (or not), and measure time, distance and propel. You will find that 1/4 of a block is not enough of any of the above to allow my car to clear your expectorant.

Thank you for leaving your remnants on my front fender, I will remember you always.

Stellan update

2009-03-25T07:37:00.003-05:00

Things are not looking good. Stellan is still in SVT, almost exclusively since last night. There are so many heart drugs, steroids and other medications pumping through his little body that he is manic and jittery and inconsolable.

Please continue to pray for his healing if you pray. If you do not, please think healing thoughts and know that his mother MckMama can feel all the thoughts and prayers through her undying faith!

Thank you for keeping my friend and her sweet baby in your thoughts and prayers!

If you click on the button above you will be taken to the latest update.

Stellan is in need of prayers - NOW!

2009-03-23T22:25:00.005-05:00

Photo from My Charming Kids Friday, March 20, 2009

Stellan, the Miracle Baby of my friend MckMama was not supposed to be born alive. He was miraculously healed of his heart failure is now in exactly that. One week short of 5 months old, Stellan started suffering from SVT (Supra Ventricular Tachycardia), also known as extremely fast heart rate, at times over 300 beats per minute. So far doctors are struggling to get the condition under control.

Please, if you are a prayer Stellan needs your immediate prayers!

The whipping winds of change

2009-03-23T21:28:00.005-05:00

alternately titled Debbie Downer is visiting my blog...

As I listen to the roaring winds slamming pellets of heavy rain against our steel siding I think of the heavy changes happening in our lives.

S is leaving. She leaves on Thursday. D sent me a message today telling me how hurt S was that I had not called her yet. That she felt that we had deserted her. I can make excuse after excuse, but words cannot express the sadness I have for her leaving. I dont know how to feel. I dont know why to feel. I think if I allow myself to avoid the immenent, it wont happen.

I was reminded today it won't change.

So a promise I made to D that I will call S tomorrow. I will tell her that no matter the distance and circumstance I will still love her.

And miss her dearly.

Avoidance comes from my desire to talk to her when she was here, but she didnt want to then. I sort of feel like I tried and she pushed away. I know I have to take the step, but I am just as sad as she that she hasn't reached out and told me she wants me to remain in her life. I have told her that much. She has not. I know D does not mean to make me feel guilty, but she does.

As I listen to the roaring winds slamming pellets of heavy rain I cannot wonder how many others will be ripped from our grasp before this is over.

5 deaths in 7 years.

5 people in our family that meant so much to us.

Now this. Its like another death.

In 7 years I lost two parents; Jim two grandparents; together we lost a very good friend.

Now I am losing S.

Jim doesn't care. He will side, like his mother, with L. They don't do gray. Its all black. Or all white.

As I listen to the roaring winds slamming pellets of heavy rain I cannot help but wonder who is next...

Every night as I drive home I peer into the window of our neighbor. Once a spry man in his early 60's, now withering in a hospital bed in his livingroom. He welcomed me into the neighborhood 6-1/2 years ago, soon we will say good bye to him as well.

I know this is the circle of life. We are only here on this earth moments compared to the time we will have in eternity. But the sadness and loss when it all comes at once is hard to bear and makes me wonder why we are put to such tests...

My grandmother is 92. If history dictates, it won't be long before she joins her husband and daughter. She remains the eldest of the last 4 of 19. I know it is reality. Losing grandpa last month made her mortality more real to me.

Yet we must move on.

I know there is something wrong inside me. I can feel it. Something has been plotting. The fevers, the pain, the sensations that were not there before. Numbness and tingling. Endless fatigue. Less control. Less strength. I know what I need to do, yet I do not do it. I don't want to hear about progression, or relapse. I know what will be said. I want things to be normal again. But they are not. Soon I will go, do not urge me before I am ready. I need time to let it settle in. Time to decide what I am willing to do. Time to think the worst and hope for the best.

I know things will get better.

They have to.

Soon you won't have to listen to the complaining. I promise soon there will be happiness again.

Today however, I shall listen to the roaring winds slamming pellets of heavy rain against the steel siding of my house reminding me of the things that must change, and the things I cannot control.

Those darn little leprechauns!

2009-03-18T07:31:00.003-05:00

Leprechauns, leprechauns everywhere!

I love the magic of a child's innocence. It doesn't get any better. Knowing that Jadon, being 6-1/2, will soon find this stuff stupid and silly, and the magic soon to be no more than folly, I took full advantage of his delight over leprechauns and their shenanigans!

J: MOM! Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that we poured into a glass today turned green!

Me: Really? How did that happen?

J: Those darn little leprechauns got a hold of EVERYTHING! (now jumping and dancing and doing what we lovingly call "the J.J.")

Me: What did they have to do with drinks turning green?

J: Well they are so sneaky, they just used their magic that they have in their hats and they turned everything green!

Me: Wow.

J: Watch this!

Panic set in... He wanted to SHOW me, and I wasn't sure I had the "magic" in the house! (note to self, no need to by food coloring... ever again, 6 boxes should last the next 300 years)

He got the apple juice out of the fridge and went for a cup. I was trying to figure out how I was going to finagle the trick without him seeing it... Luckily my sneaky 11 year old figured out I was in need of help and called him into another room. I quickly grabbed the green coloring, and placed drops in a few glasses in the cupboard. When he returned to the room, I asked if I could do the honors. He obliged.

So I grab glass #1. Set it stragically on the counter so that he could not see to the bottom, and began to pour.

"The JJ" ensued in full force.

Just then Jim walked in. He told Jadon he wanted to see it happen. My husband is notorious for trying to bust my shit when I play magic mommy, hence why I prepped more than one glass. I usually win if you haven't already gathered.

This time Mantha said she wanted milk. Green again!

Sadly, apparently leprechauns are not partial to chocolate milk.

Those darn little leprechauns!

Oh yes she did...

2009-03-17T08:29:00.003-05:00

You would think after yesterday people would be a little more aware of their surroundings, but apparently one child hit by a car whilst trying to get to school is not enough.

Yesterday morning a grandpa was bringing his 7 year old grand daughter to school on his bike. Problem #1: they were both on the bike. On a one person bike. Problem #2: Grandpa apparently thought his bike was bigger than the conversion van that was right where he wanted to be. Problem #3: It happened right outside my son's kindergarten classroom. Problem #4: my friend called screaming, "did you hear about the accident at ...... this morning? Ambulance's and police everywhere.

Hyperventilating ensued.

Thank God my son's teacher is very respondent to my fears and emailed me that everything was ok!

So this leads to this morning...

My daughter is getting out of the car, right in the cross walk in the school crossing zone. Along comes - nay, flies - a lady in her very large luxury car, through the school zone. Slamming on her brakes with no room for error, shaking her head at my daughter. All along, me fighting to get out of my seat belt and screaming at her.

Problem #1: I didn't get out fast enough to pummel the ignorant biotch. Problem #2: She had a baby in the back seat, therefore she should be aware of children. Problem #3: My daughter was too busy flipping her hair around to even notice.

Problem #4: SHE SHOOK HER HEAD AT MY KID!

Don't let me get all mommy on you lady... you will not recover! (and I know where you live and where you work, because I know WHO you are, so expect a nice note from me very soon!)

Not Me! Monday

2009-03-16T07:35:00.005-05:00

Its Monday. I don't do Monday well. You would know that if you knew me, because you would know that I don't ever sleep well, but especially not on Sunday nights.

My Mondays used to start out eating Cheeto's for breakfast, and sitting in my pj's in the car whilst watching my children saunter in to school because I got up and did Not Me's - a blog carnival my dear friend MckMama started a while back.

If you know me at all, you will also know that Monday started pooling into Tuesday, and Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. I never seem to make it out of my pj's before school these days. I don't eat Cheeto's for breakfast any longer. In fact, I tried to eat some yesterday but they didn't taste good. For that matter, chocolate hasn't been tasting good lately either (unless they were the truffles that Munchie Gifts sent me in order to prevent me from committing a random crime...). But that is a different conversation for a different day.

So whats up for confession this week?

I did not make late excuses twice last week when I found myself taking longer than usual to get ready for work. I am not a procrastinator. Not at all. Not.

I did not almost lose my mind at a meeting last week because I felt someone was being self serving on a committee that is meant to raise awareness for good things for youth. But I felt this person was participating only for their own benefit. Because there was little proof otherwise.

If you know me at all you know that I am passionate about pretty much everything I do (unless it is getting up in the morning, cleaning [lately] or putting up with peoples self servitude). Therefore when someone is taking advantage of others kindness, I lose it. Quickly. I am pretty forgiving, but when you do something intentional that will or has hurt someone, look out! I do not have the time for it. I DID NOT have the time for it last week.

(on an aside, I am German, Irish and Italian. Need I say more?)

And the small little snowflake became an avalanche by the time Thursday afternoon came about.

I did not go out and spend over $100 last weekend, and another $60 yesterday on beads, and metals, and supplies for jewelry I want to make when I have not sold anything since the beginning of January. I do not have an issue with supply and demand. Really I do not! Ok, I do. But I also have a creative mind, and it needs to be played with or it sits in a corner and pouts.

I did not every time I walked in the door we mostly go in and out of wish that the room that has been under construction for over a year would get finished so I do not have to keep tripping over shoes, and hats and mittens and jackets that fell off the hook. I know, if I bent over and picked them up I would not have to trip over them.

There in lies the problem. I can not bend over and get back up - its a fibro thing. At least that is what I tell myself!

I did not just open a box of Cheddar Asiago Sourdough Squares. I did not because its only 8:21 and they are clearly not of the breakfast food kind. I have self control and will not commence eating the entire box so I do not have to close it up later.

I DO need to quit drinking so much caffeine, more importantly, carbonated caffeine, and drink more lemonade and water before what always happens happens. I did not realize this weekend that it has almost been 9 months since my last kidney surgery. This is about the time I should start having issues again. Like pregnancy, I seem to have a delivery at the end of each 9 months. If I were physically able and my stalagmites were actually babies, we would now be looking towards delivering #5.

While I do not want to, I really should consider getting ready for work.

I hope you all have great Mondays!

Oh, one more quickie - I did not come to the edge of my life yesterday when I decided to give BOTH cats a bath. They are both still pissed. But my eyes are happy, and that is what matters. Well, they do not matter anymore, so that is what counts!

One more... Sorry... I am happy to announce that Katie's husband Slappy raised MORE than his goal, and will commence head shaving tomorrow for St. Baldricks Day!!! Just because he raised more than his goal does not mean Childrens Cancer Research can't use a little more - so if you are interested in helping out, visit Katie's blog and let her know! Congrats Slap!

Wear it like a rug...

2009-03-09T20:39:00.003-05:00

Alternately labelled - "Called on the Carpet - again and again."

Yes, I mean again x 2. That is how many times today I was called on the carpet by board members - of two different boards.

Maybe they will start to realize they are burning me out?

Background: I am the Director/Chair of two boards that directly relate to my job. One is my everyday job, the other is the tourism portion of my everyday job.

I have had a staff person who was not much less part time than I am until last month. The board relating directly to my everyday job made two serious budget cut suggestions when we discovered a key part of our funding would not be guaranteed this year. One was to cut her to 1/3 the time I work. The other was to have me move our office to a new location that would save us money.

Both cuts have nearly killed me.

I went from her shadowing my hours for all but 7 (of which 5 were on Fridays when I don't work) to only working WITH me for 6 hours a week. That means that the other 26 are unsupported. That means no one answering the phone when I have a customer in my office; no one to write checks when people come in to cash the dollars we give out to the community; no one to run this and that to them and they. It also means no one to talk to 90% of my days. And it means there is no one there to help me go through 30 years of crap that she had a major part in collecting. 30 years of crap that I now have to rid our office of so we can move to our new smaller (yet oh so exciting, windows right on main street) new office in 20 days!

That brings up the other thing causing me a slow and painful death. THE MOVE. If you know me, read me, talk to me, or care at all (bwa!), you would know that not only am I painfully not fit to move, but I am also currently sporting a ruptured disc in my neck and lower back, and live with a muscle disease that causes tremendous pain when I strain ever so little. Team that with carrying boxes and boxes and boxes of old files from storage to my office, from my office to my home, from my home back to my office, well, you have a lot of worn out me.

I'm not complaining. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm controlling like that. All pain, no gain makes Lori a stupid, yet satisfied girl.

Wow, that was only the background part. You still here hangin with me?

Good...

Rug burn #1: My everyday job:

Crazy days. That they have been. But that isn't what burned me. What burned me was that I forgot they were coming up in two weeks. I discovered today that I had a slight miscommunication with the person I thought was arranging them. He thought I was. I thought he was. We are now 13 days out, only 3 participants, and ads are due on Friday. I totally confessed to my error (even tho for the record, it was NOT my error).

Rug burn #2: My not so everyday job, but just as important as my everyday job, part of my everyday job:

"Our Story - (insert my towns name)". This is a production that I am working on participating in. It costs money, but because I know the producer, I got us a sweetheart deal. The budget however is already done for this year, and this is not in the budget. That being said, there is room for it because I MADE A MISTAKE . There were two regional publications that I told the Board I would get an ad in. Ironically, I have been busy. Stop in and birds eye my day people. I did forget, I confess to it. Seriously, we haven't ever been in these publications so what is the big deal? This production will carry soooooo much more clout, and reach 69 communities, not just 2. So lighten up, forgive, forget, whatever you believe in, and move on. Sign the contract and call it a good sign!

Butmonkeypleasegetoffmyf'inback!

'Nother tangent:

WAY TO GO MELISSA! If you watch Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars, you would have seen the recently jilted Melissa dance her pretty little toes off.

Oh, and as Vodka Mom would say:

BOTH my kids got artwork in the newspaper this week! ps.

And one more thing... when God created fat chicks like me, he also created designers that make wonderful sucker inner make us not look quite as fat as we are ok really we know we are fat but we feel better in them sucker inner things. What isn't fair is when fat chicks like me find the perfect sucker inner make us not look quite as fat as (oh you know...), the designer should not be allowed to stop making it. EVER! Because now, reality is, I need to find a new sucker inner, or I need to become the angry dieter.

I don't like either option. pps (yes, another ode to VM!)

Thrify Friday

2009-03-06T12:23:00.004-06:00

$173.08

That is how much it cost us to fill 18 bags of groceries today.

18 BAGS!

Not plasticcan'tgetmuchinthembags, but 10 reusable bags and 8 paper bags.

Just a buck ma'am

I don't remember these events in the city, but here in our small town, one of our grocers does a $1 day event once a quarter, usually on a day when there is no school she he has a ton of people to work. Not everything is a dollar of course, but a HUGE amount of name brand, and their store brand items are $1.

They have their own meat market/butcher department with chicken and pork for $2 a pound. We bought tons of chicken, and a beautimous 16# pork tenderloin (for $1.50 #) that was nicely made into 4 cuts for freezing and consuming later.

Why is your ass so big?

We loaded up on cheese and butter of course, because they are two things that this family goes through in copious amounts. There is no question why my ass is the size it is!

THRILLED!

In this economy, its th-a-rilling to come home with more groceries than you have room for - paying less than you paid for 3 days worth of food the week before! Our receipt said we saved $78 today. If we would have remembered our coupons it could have been a lot more, but we weren't concerned - we will save those for a day when cheese is $5 a package, and butter costs more than our mortgage.

What not to do in the grocery aisle on $1 day!

We skipped breakfast to get there before the crowd. I dont know what we were thinking waiting to see Jason and Molly on Ellen. It caused us to arrive at the height of the blue hair stampede. I hope when I am older I won't hold coffee chatter gossip sessions in the middle of aisles on super busy days in a small town grocer with my other blue hair friends.

Can we do one more day of tuna?

On another aside - it is only week two of Lent and already we are tired of tuna. Too bad we decided to have tuna pasta salad tonite. I guess we should have skipped the tuna melts for lunch... Maybe we will do cheese omlettes...

Oh the delights...

After my nap I will worry about what comes next. I am loving this day already! We took Mantha to her dads last night, and Jim was home early, so its me and the boys (and cats and dog) just layin around for the rest of the day. They are playing Wii until 1 (so I can watch Bold and Beautiful) and then we are taking family nap time to a whole new level with an afternoon slumber party in moms bed with Disney Channel for those who don't feel like sleeping (eh hem, the short person that would rather play Wii all afternoon, eh hem...).

Really???

Oh, one more thing.... when did getting your period become sexy??? I just saw one of those "Mother Nature/Tampax" commercials, and while I realize it has been 4.5 years since I have tripped the light fantastic down the feminine hygiene aisles, I am pretty darn sure I never found having my evil personality Ruby show up as sexy, or fun. This latest commercial makes me wonder if I was missing out on something! Or not.

Bwa!
To!
The!
Ha!
To!
The!
Ha!Ha!Ha!

Testing, testing

2009-03-05T13:33:00.000-06:00

Is this thing on? It appears all of my content is missing...

And their off...

2009-03-03T10:33:00.004-06:00

Bill from Munchie Gifts just sent me an email that they are arriving on the 5th!!!!! I am so stoked! I dont know which one they are actually sending me, so I just grabbed a shot of one of the edible truffle box offerings they have! (update: Bill said they are out of the edible boxes - but I don't care, because its a gift, I don't ask for much! And he gave me a great recommendation for Cheese Popcorn!)

I never win anything, so this is really exciting to me! Soon I will quit gushing!

So much better than a hairy ear!

2009-03-02T17:16:00.009-06:00

Today my sweet friend Barbara took a break from her hectic life full of trials I hope I never have to face to share an award that melts my heart and makes me smile. I have felt so much love from my friends here lately, and this really made me feel so not alone!

Friend Award

Here is what the award was created for: "These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these kind writers. When you pass the award along please include these guidelines. I am to choose eight friends to share this with."

I commented to Barbara after a very wise commenter stated "...finding five or eight or ten or whatever to pass it on to is like Sophie's Choice. Unless you pass it along to EVERYBODY, how do you, in good conscience, pick a few out of those you regularly read?"

I kind of agreed. I read far more blogs than I have readers, and I comment on far fewer blogs than I read. But they all touch me the same. Because of that, I am going to give this award to two readers of mine. Two readers of theirs. Four random blogs whom I have read but may or may not have commented on.

It will be a fun and prudent challenge. I already have ideas who I will share it with. Maybe it will spread some wings of its own, and it still fits the guidelines of the original award.

First my readers:

Both of these ladies also received the "Hairy Ear Award" also known as "Van Gogh's Ear Award" (that I loved by the way! It just wasn't pretty to look at).

KimD from Kim Writes aka Lifeafter: Kim is a great friend. She recently realized that what she has to offer is more valuable then some allowed her to believe. I am so proud of her for the decision she has made to accept it and move on with positive and caring friendships!

Mary Ellen from Adopting M.E.: Mary Ellen joined the blogging world on the cusp of her birth certificate being unsealed in her state. She started out as a commenter on many of her friends blogs, but found even greater support when she started her own. While things have not gone as she had planned with her newly found identity, she has discovered something even more valuable - great friendships!

Now their readers (because they are both friends, this was easy because both of these people read both of their blogs!):

Hallie from Wonderful World of Wieners: Hallie is someone I have read off and on for over a year. I don't often comment because I feel like I am riding the shirt tails of others - so I read, I laugh, I enjoy, and then I talk about her behind her back to my friend Kim! Bwa to the Ha to the Ha Ha! Hallie is someone we all could aspire to be more like when it comes to friendship. She is witty, and quick, yet compassionate, and caring. (just don't read Morbid Monday's if you are weak of stomach!). And seriously, if you decide to start reading Hallie and become bff's with her - be warned, she does strange things whilst on the phone, and will blame them all on you when she gets busted!

Kimmy from Tales of a Blender Kimmy: Kimmy is another person I click on regularly. She is hilar-y-ous! Anyone who mails lava rocks back to Hawaii to get rid of bad luck (not to mention other tales of hilarity) and plans trips to Florida about the same time her kid is losing a tooth just to make an extra ten bucks has to be worth reading right? Not to mention she is Hallie's Bff (which will make it hard for you to become Hallie's bff, therefore you should not get blamed for doing things that she did whilst on the phone with you. just sayin. UNLESS you buy Hallie Prada - guaranteed she will dump any friend for a new Prada. Ok, not guaranteed, but I do believe it has been threatened) and they do some zany things together. So how does that earn Kimmy a friend award? Just read her, you will find out!

Now for the four randoms:

This first one is sort of random, sort of not. This blog is the half sibling of another blog I used to read, but since has closed its doors. Gracenotes 95 written by Suzanne (formerly Countrymom of citymomcountrymom) and Christina who I have never "met". They are both readers of one of my friends MckMama, and fellow "Not Me'ers".

This next one is really random - like I clicked through links of several links and found myself buried (just today) in her blog. Bonnie from where did this all come from has intrigued me enough to add her to my favorites. She is funny, and after mine own little heart - please don't call me either if you know me, cuz I plan on sitting firmly in front of the teevee and watching Jason either make a really good choice, an ok choice, or the biggest mistake of his life!

Another funnier than funny, savedhertomyfavoritesplanonvistitingoverandoveragain new blog I found today (apparently I had nothing better to do than find new people to ~~stalk~~ read). Heidi from Mommy doesn't live here anymore. Seriously - lost minds and electronics overload aside, Heidi made me wish I had more time to go all the way back into her archives and read on forever. So maybe after Jason proposes to Melissa (God I hope!) I will go back and read some more.

I changed my mind about 4 random blogs - just now. Because there is someone I really want to pass this on to. She is someone I have read, commented to and bonded with. The very first time she commented to me I first saw her name in my email. It was right before the anniversary of my mothers passing. Something about seeing her name made me stop, and skip a few heart beats. And I shared it with her. The very first time I conversed with her. And she didn't laugh at me. In fact I remember her telling me she was honored to bear the name of my mother, and was happy that it brought back good memories of her. So Elaine at Matters of the Heart, I pass this award on to you as well!

Not Me! Monday

2009-03-02T07:37:00.006-06:00

Its MckMama's Monday Morning blog carnival time! Join in the fun, and be a part of a growing phenomenon of free therapy, public confession, and a whole lot of things you would never admit to your best friend (ok, well that may be extreme!).

Are you one of those people who accepts dares? If so, if you have not ever done Not Me! Monday, I DARE YOU to join in the fun!

I did not do Not Me's! for the past two weeks. Not because I did not not do anything the previous weeks, but more because I was stressed, overworked, undersleep'ed (like that?) and extremely unmotivated.

I have not been posting much lately, nor reading much lately, and certainly not commenting much lately, but know, I still love all my bloggy friends, I have just been... stressed, overworked, undersleep'ed (like that?) and extremely unmotivated.

I do not understand why the government will not listen to the people who gave all these num nuts jobs, and do the right thing for our economy. Do I know what it is? Nope. But I am not paid the big bucks to figure it out. I just know that what they are doing, or not doing is not working, nor are a lot of my friends because of lay offs, so please, quit ear marking funds, bailing out banks and big business who do not understand that our tax money is not to pay out big bonuses, and create some damn jobs already! If we can not afford the taxes, homes and responsibilities we already have, where are we going to get the money to pay down the deficit when you start using our tax dollars to pay for someone else's private jets, tropical vacations and multiMILLION dollar bonuses. Do they not realize that ONE bonus could probably bail out 100 families from the debt they are under???

Off my soap box... sorry.

I did not receive the most amazing sweet and delectable gift from Munchie Gifts just because I ~~threatened~~ ~~offered~~ suggested to MckMama that I drive 2 hours to her house, and steal one of the truffles (in an edible box no less) that her Prince Charming gave her for Valentines Day. Bless Bill at Munchie Gifts for wanting to preserve my good name by preventing me from breaking many laws just for chocolate! I am thinking about ordering me some Wisconsin Cheddar popcorn from their website today! You should check out what they have to offer - it makes me drooly and all kinds of hungry just thinking about it!

I did not find out about the wonderful tasty sup rise the same day we buried my favorite (and only) grandfather (in law). The gift holds a lot of meaning, especially on that day, because grandpa and I were the only ones in my husbands immediate family that loved truffles, so we would sit and eat them together!

I did not just get back from taking the kids to school whilst cursing my husband for not telling me I was out of gas in my Jeep. I called him to thank him for that most wonderful surprise this morning. I did not have my wallet, and was not in my pj's, wet hair, no socks in 6 degree weather. I did not have time to change and bundle up because I had the kids with me and they would have been late for school. I could not wait for Jadon to saunter into school, I had to drop and dash. I was literally on vapors. I never do that. It breaks my sappy mommy heart.

I am not having anxiety about our move from the building my office has been in for over 20 years into a new building. There is so much to do in very little time.

I am not jealous that the east coast is getting dumped on. I sort of hope we have one really big storm that causes us to miss work for a day or two just for the fun of it, in the spirit of winter yo!

I am not going to ring my husbands neck for not listening me AGAIN. We are campers (ok, hotel on wheelers) and the place we like to go to for Memorial Day fills up in a matter of a few hours. So on March 1st you need to call until you get through. His excuse for not calling? "Its Sunday, they aren't open on Sunday". My response "last time I checked camping was a weekend sport, so call them!". Did he? Nope. Do we have a place to camp on Memorial Day? Nope. Neither do the 6 other families that were planning to go with us!

OY!

I am so not ready for work, and I need to get that way soon - since I need to be there in a half hour.

Have a great day!

Can someone please remind me...

2009-02-26T19:55:00.003-06:00

Who do our elected officials work for?

Clearly I am really confused.

Thats all. Thankyouverymuch!

A loss, a good bye, and a big surprise!

2009-02-25T11:02:00.007-06:00

So long sweet man!

As I held your hand, and whispered sweet memories in your ear, I thought of grandma. She was waiting for you. In her blue dress, with dinner on the table. Her smile anticipating your return, her hands clutched in excitement. When I told you to quit worrying about us, we have each other, and we love you, you took a deep breath and you ran to her arms.

Everyone thanked me for sitting with you, making sure you didn't pass alone. What they didn't understand was that I wanted it to be me. You were my partner in crime. My boyfriend at the dance. My truffle eating, wine drinking, constantly cavorting counterpart. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Did you notice the beautiful weather we had yesterday? It was sunny, and warm just for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A few weeks ago I posted that I was worried that my favorite sister in law was potentially leaving the family...

My fear was reaffirmed at grandpa's funeral. She starts a new job in Apri - in Denver. I'm sad that they could not work things out. She was the only one that understood me when the rest of the family was not on my side. I may be opinionated, but thank God I had her to commiserate with!

They both need to move on, and he isn't willing to make the changes she wanted to make, so I understand. I am glad they are parting as friends. I just wish she wasn't moving so far away!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now for the fun stuff!!!

A big surprise...

On Valentines Day my good friend MckMama told us about some amazing things her husband gave her on that chocolaty sweet day. I made a comment that apparently tickled the fancy of the company from which her husband bought the delictable treats he bestowed upon her, and with the threat of a giveaway, decided to do one of their own - and they chose lil ol me!!!

I don't know which part of my comment made them choose me - the part where I sounded overworked, overstressed, or just plain old over exasperated. I have a feeling it had more to do with this statement: "I am hungry for all things chocolate now, and considered getting in the car and driving two hours north east to knock on your door and steal a truffle or two!" It was not for the fact that I would devour anything chocolate, but more for:

(from Munchie Gifts to MckMama)

"We'd certainly hate to see justlori2day commit a crime and waste all of that gas "just" for chocolate, so we're going to send her the truffles in the edible chocolate box to call her very own. So, Lori, give us a holler, and we'll get those headed your way."

I can't wait to receive my care package from Munchie Gifts!!!

The new second language...

2009-02-21T09:48:00.003-06:00

I think I have heard it all now...

Apparently there is a new language in our house.

On Saturday mornings it is guaranteed that I will spend most of the a.m. hours watching my youngest and his teenmiddleaged father "save the world" playing Wii Lego Indiana Jones. Apparently whilst playing L.I.J., the boys created a new way of speaking to each other.

Its called Burp as a second language.

Jadon just informed me that "dad said 'in burp' that I could watch your tv".

Lord help me, I may just lose my mind!

What do you need?

2009-02-16T14:10:00.002-06:00

Stolen from Elaine's blog:

If this doesn't make you laugh, then maybe you need my #3! :)

Here is what you do:

Google search, your name, with "needs" on the end. (ie: I would type "Lori needs".)
Then you write a blog post, listing the first 10 results, and your own comment to each.

Ready? Set. GO!

What "Lori Needs"...

Lori needs the angry dieter.
Well, if Lori goes on a diet, she may become the angry dieter!

Lori needs to vent.
Is this in response to me not doing my "Not Me's" today? Geesh, words spreads fast!

Lori needs help.
Really? And what made you think that? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lori needs loads of laughter.
I think I got a good load of laughter today trying to make a map with the Schwanns guy! A good story for another day!

Lori needs a life.
Thanks.

Lori needs magic!
YAY ME! I love me a good disappearing act! I would love some magic done on the mess in my house pleaseandthankyouverymuch!

Lori needs (clearly) a gelato machine.
I don't know what a gelato machine is, but it sounds like a lot of work to make something I can buy already made in the freezer section!

Lori needs friends.
Does this go along with Lori needing a life? Again, thanks!

Lori needs a team!
YES I DO! I need a team of lipo suction doctors to donate their free time (and they will need a lot of it) to take care of that nuisance that keeps following me around!

Lori needs to quit.
HA! I knew it!

Go on, try it! Thanks Elaine! :)

After a week - a few things I have realized...

2009-02-15T22:27:00.005-06:00

1. I am the one that broke my blog.

Of all stupid things, I linked myself to my jewelry blog. Whodathunk? Really though, so you don't find yourself pulling your hair out needlessly... if you notice your blog goes all upside - sidebardown - on you after posting with a lot of links, try removing the links one at a time. It took since last friggin Monday ~~in all of my free time~~ to figure out something so simple was ruining my sleep.

2. I am the one that broke my neck. (no pity please, it was my own stupid fault!)

Ok, not really. I didn't break it in the sense that things are broken. But I broke it in the sense that it isn't working properly.

Remember when I told you I re-ruptured the disc in my back lifting a box on Saturday morning? Well I did not share with you the whole story. I did not share that Jim had just asked me not to lift the box that I ~~had been impatientlywaiting for him to move~~ just asked him to move for me. Me being me, I picked it up. And then dropped it, myself following, to the same spot it had just been resting in.

I took it easy the rest of the weekend. I kept my feet up. I did stretches. I took pain meds. I used heat/cold appropriately, and voila, by Monday morning my back was feeling pretty good.

However, I woke up with none other than a sore neck.

By Monday afternoon it was very swollen, and I couldn't turn my head. I called my Physical Therapist and he told me to go in and see my doctor, get some pain meds, heat/cold pack it and call him in a few days if it wasn't better. If you remember at all this past November, calling my doctor was not even near the top of my list of things to do.

Tuesday morning I found myself incapacitated and proceeded to spend the next two days (sans my Board Meeting) in bed. As the queen of chronic pain, I already had a bevy of pain meds, so I chose the ones that reduced inflammation, induced sleep, and took the edge off of pain. Heat and cold as recommended, and still no improvement.

Thursday morning I was bored out of my mind and miserably went into work. I called my Physical Therapist again and he told me he was sure I had done what I had already deduced - ruptured one of the already bulging disc's in my neck...

Let me stop right now and explain a few things...

First off, I am not as klutzy as it may seem that I am. I just have really bad luck. Or bad bones. Or bad discs as it they may be.

Since the age of 15, I have had cartilage and disc issues. It started when I was a skater as a child/adolescent. Too much jumping and landing hard on ice in skates caused disintegrating cartilage in my knees. A car accident when I was 20 caused me to bulge several discs in my neck that never healed. Unrelated to the car accident, I also have deteriorating discs in my neck, as well as 3 discs in my lower back that are either bulging, or slightly ruptured.

The extra person I carry on my backside doesn't help the situation, however, these issues were issues long before my sidekick moved in.

(now back to my point)

I called our friend who is also our Chiropractor, and asked if I could come in on Friday morning and get a deep tissue (YOUCH) massage, and maybe feel around to see if anything out of alignment. He obliged. And sent me home with little more than a short neck rub and lots of concern about adjusting me.

We left it at I would call him Monday - or this weekend if I was desperate - and let him know how I was feeling. Heat/Cold, pain meds, sleepless nights, neck pillows squished and squashed and used in ways I don't think they were meant to be used, and lots of over stuffed stuffed animals from Jadon's bed to hug on and snuggle with, lay on, toss off the bed when they took up too much space, lots of stretching and praying that the concurrent impending headaches would stave off for one more moment, one more day - who am I kidding - forever. I am knock on wood, feeling a little better, but now that the swelling is down, I know the sharp pain I am feeling is disc pain.

SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!

(and please, don't apologize for my stupidity! I deserve scoldings, not pity!)

Who's the joker

2009-02-09T11:02:00.001-06:00

That broke my blog?

Put my sidebar back please!

Stretch my background back out please!

Put my fonts back the way they were while you are at it!

Thankyouverymuch!

Oh, and please, don't do it again. I don't have time for repairs!

Not Me! Monday

2009-02-09T10:19:00.004-06:00

I am getting really bad at this. Hopefully MckMama will still be my friend even though I have been most recently living at the bottom of her list. Oh, what am I saying - of course she will - I am her favorite wolverine! (just don't tell the rest of them!)

Not once this past week did I consider making up an award or a meme just so I could make a button or two. Its not in my nature to do things creatively.

I did not have a conversation with one, let alone two, gift shops about consigning my jewelry. One in my very small town, and one in the bigger small town 40 miles from here.

I did not re-rupture my disc on Saturday whilst lifting manyheavyboxes filled with old photo albums of my moms. I wouldn't do something so crass as to actually do hard labor ~~inmypajamas,~~ and not expect reprocussions.

I did not stay in pajama's again all weekend because it ~~has become my new norm~~ was really comfortable.

It most certainly did not take me nearly 12 hours to clean out the closet ~~that I sat in in my pajama's re-rupturing my disc~~ on Saturday. I did not use my pain as ~~an excuse~~ the reason why I couldn't set up the film at the club on Saturday night. It was more likely the Vicadin and Torodol I took after the pain that caused me to text my incapacitation to the person I begged to do the set up.

I would never have enough nerve to tell my mother in law this morning that my husband was going to have to use another vacation day for his lack of work last week in the hopes that she would ~~finally~~ send the check for the money she owes him for moving all of the furniture out of her fathers house.

I still do not have the guts to call my sister in law to see if her marriage to my husbands brother will survive the turmoil it appears to be in. I do not want to give in to the speculation, and I do not want my other sister in law to get into trouble for telling me if she was not supposed to.

I do think that my other sister in law is hoping I will spill the beans to my mother in law so that maybe my mother in law will bud in and say something to stop the nonsense. I will not however be the one to tell her. Its not my story to tell.

I just really hope my husbands brother did not do what my other sister in law said he did (and no, it is not that!)

Whew, that felt good.

I did not just freak out that my side bar is at the bottom of my posts....

An understanding of not understanding

2009-02-08T18:14:00.004-06:00

Also known as me getting really judgemental and hypercritical...

I know, the first thing that comes to the forefront of your mind is "lady, pot shouldn't call the kettle black" to which I retort "I wouldn't be caught dead...", so there for I am more of a bowl than a pot. Call me the lid.

Before I go on, I will be the first to admit that I need to remove half a person off of my rear. But in my defense, I am not shakin' it, exposing it, or making you look at it in inappropriate ways.

So on to the show.

Bridezilla's that is. Jim loves the show because these women are seriously deranged - but this one HAS to take the wedding cake. Like a train wreck (apparently I have an affinity for train wrecks lately), I sit here, in my newly re-ruptureddiscfeetup state, watching the horrors of the half ton triplets on this afternoons episode.

There are several things that a lady of larger statute should really not wear, all of which have been displayed in this 1/2 hour episode...

Spaghetti straps
Tutu's
Tank Tops
Low Riders
Cleavage Shirts
Cap Sleeve's
Strapless tops
Tops wth a "bolo" style overshirt.
Empire waisted wedding dresses embellished with a ribbon and tufted organza

and last but not least - A Towel - whilst getting a spray tan on national television... Just sayin...

I realize this all sounds really judgemental, but unless you watched the show, you have no idea how mind numbingly blinding this all was... NONE of the girls were less than 400 pounds.

If Fad's "gunt" post last weekend didn't get me all in a fasting mode, this show most possibly did.

Hell calleth my name loud and clear, but I digress...

That being said, I must go cook dinner!

Wednesday Observations

2009-02-04T13:27:00.006-06:00

I have blatantly misunderstood what the term "Customer Service" means. Apparently the true meaning is: you are the customer and you must service yourself.

I was lucky enough to be blessed with nice teeth (and a really good Orthodontist), so today as I pulled around the corner in the drive thru and saw a super friendly Customer Service representative with really bad teeth I thought to myself - does that hurt as bad as it looks?

I am amazed how smart, conscientious parents still let their children con their way into a trip to the germfactorynastypizzatrailertrashhangoutgreasynevergettinthatsmelloutofyourclothes joint for kids birthdays. You know the one? Yeah, Fad, the one you got sucked into last night! By the way, now that I know that "it" has a name, I believe I am going to commence fasting.

I will never understand why, every day I have to remind the small people in my house that the floor is not the trash can, papers do not get tossed in the air and left to lay where they land, and shoes do not get lined up on my grandmothers antique oriental rug.

And last but not least, can someone explain why my heating bill is outrageously high, my fireplace is always burning, I have a space heater set to high in my office, I am wearing 3,000 layers and a fleece blanket, yet I cannot seem to warm up?

Going all postal - or something like that...

2009-02-03T12:38:00.002-06:00

I have decided that the post office was not designed to have me as a customer. I know I have not been very faithful. Christmas cards from years gone by made, pictures printed, all that was left was the addresses, still in a pile in my craft closet. Never sent through the post office. Instead, a rather simple yet wickedly creative electronic version was sent. Sometime around Ground Hog Day.

So I can understand its animosity towards me... I hear the "you don't send me the love anymore" complaint, and I agree. I am the worst snailmailer ever born, grown, created or whatever'd.

But seriously, must you be so cruel? That is not how you win me back.

First you trip me with your rug. Break a few ribs here and there, permanently scrape my knee, and make my opposable thumb feel a little less than posable.

Then you sick that mean old Postmaster on me when I tell him I have pain. And oh how I had pain. He didn't care. He was more concerned that I was going to sue him and that he had too much paperwork to fill out and went all "littleoldladiesshouldntbeoutinthisweatherfallingdownonmysidewalkswhataretheythinking" on me - yet, I am not little, and I sure ain't old (although Kim thinks I look 60, but that is a whole 'nother story), and what do they have to do with me anyway?

Now, when I enter your hallowed doors you send panicked whispers of "she's coming, run, hide" to all of your many little minions. And like a fart in church they spread silently away from where I stand.

Except for that one unsuspecting young lady, who was too busy on the phone to hear your warning. Apparently also too busy to see me standing in front of her at 4:20. And still at 4:25. And even at 4:29 when she reached over to pull down the "closed" sign. All while still on the phone. Making plans to go camping. In May. Because that is what we tundra living people do when the snow dissipates and the temps climb out of the freezer.

So while you don't have love for me any more Mr. Post Office, my Ebay friend really wants her package, so tell your phonechatty little friend that I do not appreciate her closing doors in my face. I may look it, but I am not a push over, and I really want service. Twenty minutes waiting for her to decide with her phonepal where they are staying, and who is renting a cabin, or staying in a hotel (which neither constitute camping by the way) in MAY, is really not good customer service. While I am often a fairly patient and understanding person, I would really like to pay for my package and leave before something large falls on me.

Thankyouverymuchsir (or madame if such is the case).

Not Me! Monday - the Late Edition

2009-02-02T17:36:00.006-06:00

I have been so so bad at playing along with MckMama on her Monday Carnival of things I did not (or did in most cases) the past few weeks.

This morning while I lay in bed I considered doing my not me's, but did not get very far...

Last week was a humdinger that I am so glad is finally over. You know, one of those weeks that is full of things that you know will be fun, but at the same time a lot of work? It was one of those.

I did not spend all day on Monday trying to decipher what my priorities were. I do not have that much time to waste, so I would never spend an entire day doing it. Unless I wasn't motivated that is.

I did not forget about an ad and article deadline that was past due and very quickly put it together, only to come up with some of my best work in a pinch.

I did not call a super secret even my assistant did not know about it meeting on Monday night to alert my executive committee that we may be losing funding that is provided to us by an entity specifically geared towards promoting our town. I did not tell my assistant because I did not want her to insist on attending when I knew she would hold back discussions.

I did not tell her about the meeting the next day either. Not until the Board meeting. Then I was told that I could not tell her what they decided until today because they wanted me to have her help during the past weeks worth of events.

I was not relieved when she called in sick this morning. However it means that tomorrow I get to have the dreaded discussion with her. And both supporting Board Members have decided that unless I call them for support, I will deliver the message myself.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well last week.

If you are keeping score, that is week like 15 since I have had a good night sleep.

I did not spend an entire morning chit chatting with my ad sales rep about things so unrelated to work that by the time she left my office I realized that we still had not taken care of the business (yet again) that she came in to see me about.

It is not becoming a pattern. Maybe we need to plan a ladies night sometime soon so we can get work done during the day!

I did not get a little sad that my friends daughter named her son Zach when I knew my friend really wanted her to name him after this guy.

I did not take this picture on Saturday while standing next to my parked car on a frozen lake while running an ice fishing contest. I did not just admit that I, prissy queen, ran an ice fishing contest. On a frozen lake. In the cold. Outside. Do you see what I am saying here?

I did not laugh my ever loving ars off when I heard wheels spinning and realize that this vehicle was B.U.R.I.E.D. in nerly 3' of snow. On the frozen lake. In the cold. Outside. I did not do it (really I did not). Do you see what I am saying here now? Yes, my husband, trying to show off, buried our very large truck in the snow on the lake... (note, there was an ice road plowed. apparently ice roads are not meant for big red trucks that have super powers like my husbands. imjustsayin).

See these? These are cracks in the ice. Things like this when I was younger scared the daylights out of me. Especially when my dad would park me in the middle of Lake Mille Lacs in a fish house. I never wanted the heater running because I was always worried we would burn a hole through the ice and sink to the bottom. Now I hear ice shift and crack and think it sounds kind of cool. Of course, you won't find me spending too much free time out on a frozen lake anytime soon! Once a year is enough for me.

I am not looking forward to the conversation I have to have with my assistant tomorrow. I do not like letting people down. But it has to be done. So I digress.

3,673,426

2009-01-30T21:01:00.005-06:00

I am sure that is how many things I love about this town I live in. Everyday I find another reason, or another person that makes me love it even more.

Today I was invited into something so incredible that I could not wait to come home and tell you about it.

I chair the Relay For Life in my county. It is my passion. I live it, breathe it, have dreams and apsirations for it, and many times lose sleep and have nightmares about it.

Tonite, I don't even know that my words will adequately express my pride.

The head coach of our Boys Basketball program and the head coach of the team we were opposing tonight in regional playoffs made a little wager. They challenged each other to participate in something called Coaches vs Cancer. The goal was to raise the most money possible before the big game tonight. They had two weeks to raise it however they chose.

Our coach decided to take it to the kids. For two weeks if they brought a dollar to school they could purchase a paper basketball and write their name, or the name of someone they know or love that has had Cancer. My kids were always at my purse straps asking for "one more dollar". Of course how could I say no?

The basketball team also raised money with pledges for "hoops". I didn't get the details on this part yet, but trust me, when I do, I will be blubbering over that effort as well!

Earlier this week I was called by the coach, asking if I would be available to receive a "fake check" representing the money that was raised during the two week event. This morning the coach told me that he was sure the fundraising was much more than I would imagine, but he didn't want to spoil the suprise, so he said, "just be ready to have your socks knocked off".

He should have told me to wear waterproof mascara.

In a school district with nary more than 800 students, the check that represented the money raised bore this number: 4,209.

$4,209.

I can't stop saying it. I can't believe my eyes when I read it. KIDS raised $4,209 in TWO WEEKS. For Cancer research!

$4,209.

I am in awe. The turn out of parents and students that came to the game, just so they could see the final number and stand up for Cancer at the game was inspiring. The place was so loud that my soft little voice (yeah right), could barely be heard over the crowd. And they thanked ME for what I do for Relay. I had nothing to do with this fundraiser, but they thanked ME. How selfless is that?

One of the principals and I talked after the presentation and I shared with him that while the American Cancer Society was allowing us this year to credit that money towards our Relay, next year Coaches vs. Cancer would be its own entity. He was so sure that the kids and coaches would not stand for it, and would instead do something similar to this year under an assumed name, because they want the money to go towards our event.

I mean, come on! Can it get any better than this?

I am so proud, and so amazed, and humbled and honored by my wonderfully amazing little town - out here in the middle of the prairie.

$4,209.

$4,209!!!!

Way to go kids of my small town!!!!!!

Oh, in case you were wondering? We won the game! And the school our coach challenged? They raised a little over 10% of what our kids did, but that in and of itself was incredible!

Every dollar means more than they will ever be able to comprehend. It is one dollar closer to a cure. One dollar more that is used to supplement treatments, provide transportation, lend support, share resources, and kick Cancers butt!