I don't know what is happening... I feel like everything is falling apart. Not to me personally, but to those around me.
Death...
I have posted recently about loss, most recent. I feel like it goes so deep that I cannot seem to find an escape from it.
Two weeks ago, Larry, someone I worked with died suddenly. The following Saturday Larry my neighbor died. Last Sunday someone I have worked with through Relay For Life and a local business died at the age of 30 from a long bout with Cancer. Last night my sister in laws brother died by his own hand.
My friends sister is still hanging on, but not by much of a thread. My friends pain is impossible to witness - she is struggling so.
It is not making sense to me. It all started a little over a month ago with Jim's grandfather. I have never experienced this much loss so close together. 4 deaths in two weeks. People of all ages, people of all levels of relationship.
I don't get it.
Childrens tragedy's...
My friend Jennifer, who I talk about all the time on my blog, is currently with her baby is fighting for his life. He was flown to Boston this morning to prepare for a surgery that no one wants to perform on his very small 5 month old heart. I am brought to tears almost daily in joy and pain for this sweet baby boy.
One of my best friends who lives half a country away has also been dealt some tragedy with a child. She has three children with PIDD - a disease that prevents their bodies from having an immune system. Her youngest child - 5 years old, just two weeks ago, was kidnapped right in front of her. Thank God he was recovered within a few minutes, but he is now severely traumatized. Afraid to leave the house and be around strangers, afraid of things that most 5 year olds should not have to fear.
Where is this all coming from? One of my friends here in my small town told me I seem to be a magnet for bad kharma. Can that be true?
Today I cannot seem to shake a funk that I have found myself in. I spent several hours with one of my dear friends who is going through a horribly painful separation. She and her husband are one of those couples that others look up to, yet here they are, in a place where many of us have found ourselves before. I had no idea how to console her. I wanted to cry for her, and for all those so close to me that seem to be suffering so.
I can be thankful that right now at least, the relationship with my husband is stable - the most so in the past few years. We still struggle, but we seem to have found a middle ground that has been hard to reach for many years. If I have to hang on to something for safety and comfort, I am glad it can he that.
I think God takes us through seasons of trial so we will cling to Him harder. That said, the trials can often seem prolonged and we can't always understand why when we're smack in the middle of it. I pray that God will show you why this is all going on and that you can be used as a comfort to others the way you have been in the past!
ReplyDeleteLori, I feel the same way. Honestly. I can't seem to make sense of the past few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI hope God reveals His plan soon. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm faltering. It's just tragic.
Wow, you really are going through a time of trial. One thing to know that the blessings show (in some kind of form) when you get through those trials.
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard to make sense of it all (especially cancer! been there done that) but having faith is what pulls you through.
Oh Sweetie!!!!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you do not attract bad karma and whoever said that has no understanding of what the term karma means.
You just happen to be surrounded by some very painful, sad things right now. It is very unusual to have so much death around you. I'm sorry you have to feel the affects of all that.
You're a wonderful, strong, loving woman and life is just plain hard and unfair a lot of times.
I am so glad things are good with your husband, I hope it stays that way forever.
Oh, Pally. I am so, so sorry both for you and all of your loved ones, and all that is happening. I made a comment on another blog today...and I'm basically going to tell you what I told her, and that is...
ReplyDeleteAll of this horrible stuff that is happening to and around you now, at such a young age, will serve to make you appreciate your life and to not sweat the small things. It will show you what is important--like building a good, strong relationship with your husband--and what isn't. In one way, it is very unfortunate that you have to learn these things now. In another way, though, learning them now gives you more years to fully appreciate what is good and right in your life and to not worry about the rest. You and Jim? Since you're going to be together the rest of your lives, really, really work on being each other's "safe place"--you will never be sorry.
Ironically, last night you were in my dream...in fact, you were ALL in my dream. We were talking on the cell phones to each other, while also sitting right next to each other...while you were driving and I was the passenger. We were talkin' some heavy shit, too...that's as much as I remember. But it was you, babe! :)
(((LORI))) Love ya, Pally.
Sounds like a very challenging time.
ReplyDeleteI have to second what Barabara said.
While these things aren't affecting your immediate family, ie; your husband and children, there is no way this much grief wouldn't weigh on you.
Be kind to yourself, and then take the support and love of your immediate family and be the best friend you can be. It sounds like you have a lot of loved ones who need you right now.